2020-01-29
12，2点，3.45终于起来，每次看表都遗憾没到时间起床，vipa感觉不错的。
今michael洪荒之力帮我够住双脚，昨天自己抓住左脚nicko还没帮忙老大喊停，让我自己爬，起来又下去一次，没洗，nico很nice 说“至少我们试了！”我也无所谓，做了比结果重要，我也喜欢出来吃我的cafe dal，晒太阳，过程都喜欢，因为也许不会再回来，倒数第三天，并不留恋伤感，期待下一步！等待anxiety和tuktuk都enough！路上会珍惜guest house舒适，但也要体验不同srilanka，建筑周围样子，如果回来看变化
理想就是srilanka1个月回到GOA 3-5月份回纽约！中国人都在琢磨自己行程，各种改票联系，我没啥可犹豫的。回来路上sarah再一次邀请我午餐，就是deniz一伙，其实很无聊，我理智拒绝，需要上课，fulfill所有应该做的，chanting，哲学课，和James见面，也许多见一次，看他表现！
James不和我主动联系，让我没啥可留恋的！
double latte不错，上课， 期待惊喜，真的一切都好，daida伤了腰，kiki搬去曼谷，很多人生命，我好得很，就是中国不好，自己也好不到哪去，Amy问我行程，要去纽约，要联系david，一切都在未知中展开，充满期待！
avind 课：
consciousness use eyes to see the color red, consciousness is seer and hearer, we confused to think it is us to see and hear.
Buddha did not say veda is invalid but buddhism did not admit veda, might not has nothing to do with buddha.
Bhoga is our own karma, no more Bhoga for buddha and he has senses but he does not need it, he is done; we need mind for knowledge of muksa, all things we learned we attached to it and fear comes with it.
we need or have more Bhoga, provided by the world.
Swami can be free on himself, guru is made by students. swami try to minimize the role in society as it is not easy to live in real world.
Bruce lee: be water my friend
celibacy is not enlightenment or leads to enlightenment, we should not take what is upon on us, but be honest and understand. Vow to celibacy is not leading to enlightenment. forcing is not, but in harmony with ourselves.
教士自行车丢了，被建议传道的时候提到10大戒律，不通奸，之后不偷盗，坏人表情马上看出来，结果布道结束朋友问，找到了吗？ 是的，在提到不通奸时候突然想起来车子停哪里啦！
fire and iron, candle and pumpkin has association but not identification.
Avidya leads to samyoga, to han(sorrow dead), we should get rid of avidya, the ignorance, the root cause directly.
human no aloneness but all lonely. we sleep alone, born alone and die alone. All+one=alone, one is all! aloneness = freedom, just like purusa=one fills up the whole!
我很开心去了James家：
G：feel quite some time not seeing u!
J：U must have a lot of exciting things going on so feel long. it was hard to adjust back to mysore almost one month now in good space and writing and finishing my commitment, 30 works before leaving. Have my own space, 2.5K per year which I might keep it if I find others to rent out.
G：there is reason u back, u met me! it is good to have secure base.
J: Many reasons. Never meet a person like u, so successful in your own doing and so open and generous. my friend thinks I gave up things to study Sanskrit is crazy and they have all the things I do not have, I am 42, it is tough at beginning but now I am in good rhythm.
G: success is not key thing but have different background. choose a life of no material things. but u got freedom of others do not have, take the decision and live up the consequence. I am telling myself also.
since he has finished his meal he is working, 我自己吃饭，miso quinoa，miso from England made in Japan and brought to India cooked to a chinese, red beet carrot and green veggie not salty but ok, I am sitting ins alone and enjoy my food finishing with baby banana quite full and satisfied. He has all the things clean and super healthy, I tried bee pollen, my nutrients to him even is same for his own choice. good he is taking care of his under weight situation, now I got somebody fit and slim which Do is bumpy so? U got to make a choice not everything we can have.
I give feedback on recent work and compliments also. he is saying he got two hours for us to catch up which I am ok with his fixed timetable to be disciplined. with my feedback he is defensive but ok with me.
J: high intelligence always lonely.
G: No u should be alone but not lonely, we are all alone, but social is important to build up in your routine to get different perspectives. 30 works before leaving I will follow. I am living in the moment, enjoy the best no expectation and return.
3 months in Europe then will see. I will be in CH and find out if interests are there still. Ray is contacting me to ask situation and for meeting in New York, I suddenly realize if I need people intelligence fit and independent he is, many they are, why I need bother?
we go to lake beautiful sun.
G: do u have soul mate?
J: what u means soul mate, for me it has to be: complementary, deep value, marry, good on symphony play the best and also together the significant, marry for life, complimenting, have not found any. Thomas is kind of friend, for gay marriage does not support much. ex-girl friend for 3 years, in and off dated two others but wound so deep so not working, wonder if should have somebody or just live alone; and u?
G: Due to family issue and I put on a lot on friendship and give a lot to others to maintain it, it turns out all disappointing and I do not trust traditional marriage such things. I do have Sunny as soul mate, she linked me to yoga and isha as well. U can visit them one day since they have their yoga studio.somebody significant influencing u?
j: teachers, many, myself only, but if one, school teacher did not score me when throwing iron to others.
I talked about Goenka and he thinks vipa is also exclusive to others. I said about Avind view on vedanta and we all like open to others and also one suits one does not we should always be open to new things like meditation.
we said to meet before leaving in Friday with his friend and Swiss. photoing him per his request, it is all about himself, or most of time, absorbed in his own issues with my encouragement, but ok, sometimes we can do that as long as it is not upon us for burden. I am happy to be with somebody so different and also interesting. He is talking about Indian marriage ritual to energy and sexually match with ceremony, man has responsibility to give pleasure to woman which I did think a bit.
back for concert which is great experience for sitar, in a nice house which Kumar was working in USA and now enjoy life, we had 1.50hours and 10 people around, suraj constantly called me finally arrived, we had good snack provided by tenant from Texas Ana and her husband, they run yoga Shala there, fun to know and we chat afterwards, I got nuts, biscuits dates even one very sweet chocolate, S is still young not knowing the world much. Got my kulfi back a good day!
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