At a certain point of a conversation or discussion or any other forms of communication, be it official or casual, we’re bound to encounter disagreement from an alien side. Those contradictions are sometimes equal to the conviction that there’s a possibility (at whatever percentage) that we’re wrong, meaning that we might or might not be wrong, but our mind doesn’t process information like that; we FEEL it first.
The one thing we recognize is SHAME, a moral or social emotion that drives us to hide or deny our wrongdoings coz this unpleasant self-conscious emotion is typically associated with a negative evaluation (external or internal, doesn’t blunt the hit a bit) of the self that has the power to turn our world upside down with the overwhelmingly consuming feelings of distress, powerlessness and unworthiness. Such DENIAL is so unbearable that we find it extremely excruciating to accept and reject it instead, initiating a psychological DEFENSE MECHANISM despite what may be evident.
Driven by these psychological changes, we tend to PERCEIVE this frequently seen incident (everyone could be either right or wrong about something at some point, it’s ubiquitous) as an instant threat that requires ACTIONS to neutralize the threat. In response, we shift into the ninjia mode, ready to attack the enemy and defense our ego with the unconscious use of MOTIVATED REASONING, a inferred justification strategy which is used to mitigate cognitive dissonance. The more evidence shows up and the more overwhelming it has become, the more likely we will be to perceive it as a stronger blow that’s gonna rip our hands off something we’ve holding onto, the tighter we will clinch to those misconceptions. Simultaneously, we’ll fight back with more fierce counterarguments to redeem ourselves in a losing battle, being completely reluctant to admit that we’ve lost the fight (that we’re wrong), which is pretty much the same as a public humiliation or execution that we’ll prevent from happening at any cost, even our own life—as the self-punishing side effect of shame ushers in. In the war zone, we’re hard-wired to believe that it’s more imperative to savage our shrinking ego than think rationally and reasonably like we should have or were supposed to and capable of. There’ll be no winners left standing on the battlefield when it escalates to a notorious personal attack.
Unless, someone breaks the balance and reverses the process. It’s undeniably challenging to change our cognitive patterns, but much easier to train ourselves to tame our emotions and make them work towards our favor.
We’re living in a universal CULTURE that associates our shame, guilt and embarrassment with mistakes that we all make, in spite of our differences in age, gender, habit, education, job, relation, or perception, paring them together like they were born this way. But this intoxicated notion enslaves and imprisons us, making us more terrified about making mistakes, let alone admitting them. How many opportunities had we missed just because we felt like we were under the scrutiny of the audience—real people or imagined figures in our head that exists purely for the purpose of confirming that we’re worthless—and ended up with a panic attack or a stage fright and decided to retrieve from the competition? How many hearts shattered or broken because they felt like the end of the world when they were being humiliated or mistreated for something that they can’t avoid or change? We have to convince the world that there’s nothing wrong about wrongdoings, it’s just a part of the reality that we have to live with. We should start de-victimizing people for making errors and show them how much they’re gonna learn from such experiences. We should change the core concepts of our culture for the sake of ourselves and our future generations. Remember:
To err is human; to forgive, divine.
—Alexander Pope
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