(2017 Cambridge IELTS 12 Real Test 6 Rivised Edition)
一、修改稿
1、开头
Due to religious, economical or cultural factors, in some regions or countries, there are no family planning considerations, hence a large sum of young people spring up and take up the majority of the body of population. To my mind, there are more benefits than drawbacks for a nation having more youthful population. （本段从超生原因入手提出人口年轻化的问题并给出了我自己的观点。）
2、主体#1段
Admittedly, more young adults in a society means more competitive job market and more expensive housing and education, greater body of youth can provide more sufficient source of workforce for the industry, as a result, the social economy could develop more actively. In addition, greater wealth could be produced to meet the needs of people. What’s more, the older citizens can also enjoy more assurance of pensions and retirement welfare and live a carefree senior life. On the country, in a society full of 80s or 90s, the burden of the young to financially support the older compatriots and physically look after them would be tremendous. （本段先抑后扬论证了人口年轻化的第一组好处。）
3、主体#2 段
Nevertheless, some opponents of younger society may argue that the older folks’ spiritual life quality might suffer if there were more youths, because some elders might be forced to retire earlier and make room for the young, and they might have fewer chances to contribute to their beloved former employer and therefore experience some degree of low sense of self-esteem or even depression. While in my opinion, senior nationals can offset the above awkward scenario by pursuing lifelong learning, providing consuling service to the business world or authoring autobiography to share their precious insights and life stories with other people, giving back to the society and achieving an rewarding older life without feeling gloomy or upset. （本段再次沿用主体#2段的先抑后扬的手法从人口年轻化给老年人带来的心理冲击着手论证对这一问题的对策。）
4、结尾
In summary, the advantages far outweigh the disadvantages in a world with more young adults than older ones. We should encourage people to take into account the huge benefits of a more youthful nation for both the individuals and society and fulfill the ideal of sustainable development in terms of population reproduction while at the same time avoid the downsides of overpopulation or population explosion. （本段重申主旨总结全文。）
二、日更感悟001
在家人、朋友、微信好友和各位写友的热情鼓励和大力支持下，笔者若水我从16天以前的7月29号到今天8月13号连续16天每天计时写作笔耕不辍，坚持日更雅思大作文，并结合他人同题目范文学习，几乎使得日更变成了我的一个生活习惯。从前面几篇文稿的局促，到本篇文稿的一气呵成几乎无需进行改动，真的让我自己都感到惊呀：万万没想到日更雅思大作文能给我的英文写作带来这么大的改变！在这篇文章中我不由自主地用到了好多由于学习范文而学到的地道表达，对自己写作的新的长足的进步感到很满意。
成功可以带来更多的成功。在接下来的日子，我仍然会每日打卡、持之以恒，跟所有对雅思大作文写作感兴趣的朋友们一起挑战雅思大作文写作新高峰！
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