Educated-你当像鸟飞往你的山——原生家庭与教育的意义

Educated-你当像鸟飞往你的山 ——原生家庭与教育的意义

 1、原生家庭

塔拉·韦斯特弗生长于这样一个家庭，父母坚定并执着于自己对整个世界的认知和判断，并要求所有的子女服从他们的思想体系，但“教育”让她开始和家人之间产生了观念的差异，最终她选择了离开。

塔拉在访谈视频中说道：我们成长在各自的家庭，被塑造成既定的模样，我们总以为能够摆脱束缚，重新塑造自己。可一旦我们回到旧的环境，又会回到死循环，或者更糟。很多在不健康的家庭环境中长大的孩子，会在外面的世界中寻找那些能与我们一起重复死循环的人，一辈子无法挣脱。

谈到原生家庭及原生家庭对孩子的影响，让我想到一句话：幸运的人用童年治愈一生，不幸的人用一生治愈童年。可见原生家庭及童年经历对人的影响之大。儒家思想作为数千年来中国传统文化的主流思想，将“孝道”的信仰深深地根植在我们的文化之中。孔子对孝的解释其一，就是不违背父母的意愿（“无违”），即家庭就是一切，家庭是人类的开始和最后的归宿。

但当你意识到原生家庭已经对你产生了负面的影响甚至是束缚与禁锢，逃离原生家庭便是另一种选择。它并不意味着对家人的背叛，也不意味着终止了对他们的爱，而是一个自我塑造和自我发现的过程，是重构个人世界观和价值观的过程。正如塔拉所说：你可以爱一个人，但仍然选择和他说再见；你可以每天都想念一个人，但仍然庆幸他已不在你的生命中。

在无数次地陷入自我怀疑之后，塔拉选择了主动离开，选择了与原生家庭截然不同的人生道路。Things gained and things lost.Sometimes you have to forget where you come from so that you can create a new version of yourself. She finally decided to flee as a bird to her mountain. 

而教育，便是那双让她能够飞往另一座山的翅膀。

2、Education——What is education? 什么是教育？教育的意义是什么？

1. Discover yourself-教育是自我创造和自我发现的过程

 1）区分自己和爱的人

 在谈及如果遇到小时候的自己，会和她说什么时，塔拉回答道：什么都不会说。因为孩子会把自己和所爱的人看成一体，父母受到攻击，他们会理解为自己的世界受到攻击。贸然去和那时候的自己说父母的不对，那个孩子可能接受不了。能够把自己和爱的人区分开，是受教育过程中逐渐形成的能力。

拒绝别人给的定义-即使是你爱的人

Education let me learn to reject antiquated definitions of what I was and what I was capable of doing. Definitions of me that have been given to me by other people that I'd believe in my whole life. You don't have to believe something about yourself just because someone else believes it even if it's someone that you love.

2）区分对自己的责任和对家庭的责任

What's the obligation you owe to your family and what's the obligation you owe to yourself

塔拉如果留在过去的环境就要接受哥哥曾经的暴力对待，不接受就要离开家庭。但她最终选择了离开，因为教育使得她能够区分：什么是对家庭的责任，什么是对自己的责任。

3）区分自己想要的世界和被给予的世界

当我们小的时候，无论父母的观念或行为是对是错，无论经历着怎样的童年，孩子会认为这就是世界应该有的样子，孩子会坚信“我们这样是对的”而“他们那样是错的”。因为这是我们所看到的唯一的世界，是我们所被给予的世界。

而受教育的过程，便是一个打破旧有的被给予的世界，重塑一个属于自己的新世界的过程。我们在教育中学会质疑学会反思学会取舍，留下继续坚持的东西，抛弃不再认同的东西。

Education is the process of figuring out what bits of that world was built for them in a childhood are they going to hold on to and what bits are they going to let go of. Education is a whole process of working out who you are from who you were, the identity you choose from the ones other people give to you.

4）区分自己的认知和被所在社群给予的认知

We live in the same world, but we are all shaped in different ways. Stories that make it to us is largely created for us by other people. We go to school, and we are told this is what history is, this is what happened, this is the story we care about. We go to the internet, and we see news they want to show us, we are told things they want us to believe. And day by day, our mindset and worldview are shaped by the community we live in. 

Everybody learns a specific version of everything, and the trick is to try to step outside of that. Step outside of our comfort zone, recognize which community we are part of. It is really only when we start to read things that is a little bit outside of that box. It is education that broaden our horizons and give us various angles to see the world. It is Education help us distinguishes truth from propaganda.

2.Discover others: 教育让我们保持谦逊，和不同观点的人交流

 1）保持谦逊 

人的认知分为四个层次:

不知不知:不知道自己不知道；

知己不知:知道自己不知道；

知己自知:知道自己知道；

不知己知，不知道自己知道。

The more you know, the more you know you don’t know. 正如古希腊著名哲学家芝诺所说，人的知识就好比一个圆圈，圆圈里面是已知的，圆圈外面是未知的。你知道得越多，圆圈也越大，你不知道的也就越多。

因此，教育不是傲慢的来源，教育不是让他人屈服的武器。相反，教育使人的认知层次得以提升，认知边界得以拓宽，使人变得更加谦逊与宽容。

If you are trying to cross someone’s reality, trying to get someone’s perspective, humility is the secret to most things. Most things having to do with respect and education. A good education let us be exposed to more ideas and be exposed to a wider world. Education should never be a stick that we use to beat other people into submission. Education should never be a source of arrogance. Education should never be a weapon that we alien people with it. 

Instead, education should always be something that make us want to learn more about others and not just tell people more things. Education is more about enquiry and not just about knowing, not just about already having all the answers. Education is a wonderful and exciting experience of exploring knowledge that we should share with more people.  

教育不是让我们更加确定，而是让我们更加怀疑。

教育应该是思想的拓展，同理心的深化，视野的开阔。它不应该使我们的偏见变得更顽固。如果人们受过教育，他们应该变得不那么确定，而不是更确定。他们应该多听，少说。他们应该对差异满怀激情，热爱那些不同于他们的想法。教育帮助人们更深入地倾听彼此。

2）和有不同观点的人交流

People always want to characterize people. We take a really simplistic view of someone and we think we know what that is. But the fact is everybody is different, each situation is different. We all come from different families, be raised in different ways, have been through different things. That’s why it’s hard to understand a person completely.

Education should be radical. We should never define people based on what we know. We should read things we would not normally read. We should talk to people we are nervous to talk to, with people who we perceived to be different from us, with people who we disagree with. 

That's something we should always keep in mind.

3.Discover the world: 教育给了我们视角(perspective)，和可以改变的信念

视角：教育意味着获得不同的视角，理解不同的人、经历和历史。教育让人们有机会从自己的思维范式里跳出来进入他人的思维。这些短暂的思维旅程让我们认识到自己的人生只是众多可能性中的一种，世界上还有很多其他可能性。

信念：圣经里有一句话：信念是希望之事的实质，是未见之事的证据。Faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen. 而教育给人以信念。信念的可贵之处正在于，它让人们相信存在更好的世界，不同的世界，相信我们可以过上与以往不同的另一种生活，体会你从未体会过的爱。

但要舍弃过往，想象未来，则需要信念和教育相结合。只有二者相辅相成，才能遇见未知的人生，期待不一样的改变。

教育可以让我们脱离狭隘昏暗的现实，并向我们展示更明亮的世界。教育让我们可以想象那些没有直接经历过的人生，打破旧有模式尝试新的生活。教育让我们相信那些我们没有亲身经历过的爱。教育让我们努力看到生活中可能的一面，而不只是现在眼前的样子。

In the End

原生家庭给予了我们生命，原生家庭帮助我们建立了与这个世界最初的联结。但当我们长大，我们的思想开始与父母的思想产生碰撞，我们的原有认知受到冲击和质疑，我们彷徨、探寻、摸索、修正、自我怀疑…而受教育，便是给予我们信念，帮助我们突破思维边界的过程。

Education gives us courageous to fight against the world. 

Education lets us understand ourselves more, understand others more, and understand the world more. 

Education leads us to explore new answers and build a new world. 

Education is the process of self-creation and self-discovery.

无论你在生活中遇到任何问题或困惑，坚持读书、思考、受教育，你必将被引领着寻找到新的答案，抵达新的世界；永远诉诸于父母，便只会永远被局限在原生家庭及父母的认知边界中。We will never deny or forget our love to them, but we should build our own world and write our own stories. Just fly as a bird to your mountain.