讲冷笑话是地球人的一大特色。不知从何时起，大家都喜欢上了“虽然逻辑不通，但看起来似乎很有道理”的冷笑话。
歪果仁的冷笑话来也是十分的有才华啊。但有时一些笑点有点难get到。
比如：
Three tomatoes are walking down the street - a poppa tomato, a momma tomato, and a little baby tomato. Baby tomato starts lagging behind. Poppa tomato gets really angry, goes back, and squishes him... and says, "Catch up."
三个番茄走在街上，分别是爸爸、妈妈和孩子，番茄孩子落在后面，番茄爸爸很生气，走回去把他压扁了，说：“快点！”
Catch up 与ketchup番茄酱发音类似，这里是个谐音梗哦。
再比如：
Q: Why won’t the elephant use the computer?
A: He’s afraid of the mouse!
问：为什么大象不用电脑呢？
答：因为他害怕老鼠（鼠标）。
你还知道哪些英文中的冷笑话呢？
【规则】：
截至5月15日，在本帖后跟帖用英文写出你看过的英文笑话。
本次活动共设5个奖项：
2.翻译奖2名 奖品：扇贝空白笔记本一本和简书《你一定要努力，但千万别着急》一本
3.参与奖2名 奖品：扇贝名言系列明信片一份和简书年度精选明信片一份
【参与方式】：
简书用户在评论区里评论即可。
如果你想看扇贝er的十万个冷笑话，请点这里。
网友评论
Swimming,i think!
Waiter,,will the pancakes be long?
No, sir .Round.
笑点在哪儿，看出来了吗
Teacher: What is the plural of man, Tom?
Tom: Men.
Teacher: Good. And the plural of child?
Tom: Twins.
"孩子"的复数形式
老师：汤姆，‘男人’这个词的复数形式是什么?
汤姆：男人们。
老师：答得好。那‘孩子’的复数形式呢?
汤姆：双胞胎。
Dad：Hi hungry，I am dad！
Son：Dad，I am serious.
Dad：No ，you're hungry.
Son：You’re joking.
Dad：No， I am dad.ㄟ(￣▽￣ㄟ)
One day a little white rabbit went to a bakery and asked, "Have you got 100 buns?"
一天有只小白兔来到面包店问：“请问你们有100个小面包吗？”
The shopkeeper answered, "Sorry, we don't have that many."
老板回答：“抱歉我们没有那么多。”
"Oh, that's a pity!" said the rabbit and left, disappointed.
“哦，太遗憾了。”小白兔失望地离开了。
The second day the little white rabbit went to the bakery again and asked, "Have you got 100 buns?"
第二天小白兔又来到那个面包店问：“请问你们有100个小面包吗？”
The shopkeeper again answered, "Sorry, we don't have that many."
老板仍回答：“抱歉我们没有那么多。”
"Oh, it's a pity," said the rabbit, and again left, disappointed.
“哦，太遗憾了。”小白兔又失望地离开了。
The third day the little white rabbit went again to the bakery and asked, "Have you got 100 buns?"
第三天小白兔依然来到那家面包店，问：“请问你们有100个小面包吗？”
"Oh, yes we have 100 buns today!" the shopkeeper answered gladly.
“啊是的，今天我们有100个小面包啦！”老板高兴地回答。
"That's great, I'll buy two, thank you!"
“那太好啦！我买2个，谢谢！”
The shopkeeper stood silently.
老板无语了……
two to two to two two 到底在几点钟？ 它描述
的是一个时间区间：1:58--2:02，two to two是“两点差两分”，two two是“两点零二分”
Real eyes realize real lies. 如果连读这句话读起来像“realize~realize～realize”译为 “好眼力识破真谎言”
Miles sometime went to the barber's during working hours to have his hair cut. But this was against the office rules: clerks had to have their hair cut in their own time. while Miles was at the barber's one day, the manager of the office came in by chance to have his own hair cut and sat just beside him.
麦尔斯有时在上班时间去理发馆理发，但这是违反办公室规定的：职员只能利用自己的时间理发。一天，正当麦尔斯理发时，经理碰巧也进来理发，而且就坐在他旁边。
"Hello, Miles," the manager said. "I see that you are having your hair cut in office time."
"你好，麦尔斯，"经理说。"我看到你在上班时间理发了。"
"Yes, sir, I am," admitted Miles calmly. "You see, sir, it grows in office time."
"是的，先生。正是这样。"麦尔斯平静地承认了。"可先生，你看，头发是在上班时间长的。"
"Not all of it," said the manager at once. "Some of it grows in your own time."
"不全都是吧，"经理立刻说，"有一些是在你自己的时间里长的。"
"Yes, sir, that's quite true." answered Miles politely, "but I'm not having it all cut off."
"对呀，先生，你说得很对。"麦尔斯礼貌地回答说，"但我并没有把头发全都剪掉啊。"
“踏马的”加上"好" 就是 “踏马的好”
-不客气，大恩不言谢。
Then came a rabbit
It was standing on the shoulders of the first rabbit
Then came a rabbit
It stood on the shoulders of second rabbits
Then came a rabbit
It stood on the shoulders of third rabbits
Then came a rabbit
It stands on the shoulders of fourth rabbits.
Later came a rabbit
It stands on the shoulders of fifth rabbits.
Later came a rabbit
It stands on the shoulders of sixth rabbits.
Later came a rabbit
It stands on the shoulders of seventh rabbits.
Finally, he kissed the charming deer
从前有一只兔子
后来又来了一只兔子 它站在第一只兔子的肩膀上
后来又来了一只兔子 它站在第二只兔子的肩膀上
后来又来了一只兔子 它站在第三只兔子的肩膀上
后来又来了一只兔子 它站在第四只兔子的肩膀上
后来又来了一只兔子 它站在第五只兔子的肩膀上
后来又来了一只兔子 它站在第六只兔子的肩膀上
后来又来了一只兔子 它站在第七只兔子的肩膀上
终于，他亲到了迷人的鹿姑娘~
Great Pan said to the audience: everyone please allow me to introduce some of our rookies this stage, Song Xiao Bao.
Andy turn to introduce large pan, and Andy said: You would not have introduced it?
Great Pan look of joy Q: Why do?
Andy A: Because who do not know you ah!
在一次综艺节目上，主持人让小宝和大潘互相介绍一下对方。
大潘向观众说:大家请容许我介绍一些我们这个舞台上的新秀，宋小宝。
轮到小宝介绍大潘了，小宝说:你就不用介绍了吧？
大潘一脸欣喜的问:为啥呢？
小宝答:因为谁都不认识你啊！
A bit of advice for those about to retire. lf you are only 65,never move to ansrUrement community. Everybody else is in their 71s, 80s,or 90s. So when something has to be moved, lifted or loaded,they yell,"Get the kid.
这里想对将要退休的人提一点忠告。如果你只有65岁的话，千万别进退休社区。因为那里的人都七八十岁或者八九十岁了。每当要搬东西，抬东西或者装东西时，他们会喊，“让小的干吧。😁
DONALD : H I J K L M N O!
TEACHER : What are you talking about?
DONALD : Yesterday you said it's H to O!
老师问：唐纳德，水的化学方程式是什么？
唐纳德：H I J K L M N O!
老师：你说什么？
唐纳德：昨天你说从H数到O啊！
(水H2O:H TWO O 唐纳德以为是H to O 从H到O）
"Yes, dear," she replied - "Why do you ask?"
"Cause I've just bitten my tongue! "
“我们有毒吗？”一个年幼的蛇问它的母亲。
“是的，亲爱的，”她回答说，“你问这个干什么？”
“因为我刚刚咬破自己的舌头。”
# 吃货的冷笑话 #
>Some friends and I stopped at an ice-cream parlor.where I asked for my favorite，a hot-fudge sundae with chocolate ice cream. But when the waitress brought our orders，I saw that mine had vanilla ice cream. " I ordered chocolate,"I pointed out.
>我和一位朋友来到一家冰淇琳店。我要了一个我最喜欢吃的巧克力奶油圣代。当女招待送来我的冰淇淋时，我发现我的冰淇沐是香草的。我说:“我要的是巧克力的。”
>The young woman consulted her order pad and responded，"So you did. I'll take it back and get chocolate."
>那位年轻的女士查了一下订单回答说:“你确实要的是巧克力的。我把它拿回去，再给你拿一个巧克力的。”
>“Never mind，”I said.”I don't like to see anything wasted."
>“没关系，”我说:“我不想浪费东西。”
>"Nothing is wasted around here!"she insisted.“We eat our mistakes. "
>“这儿什么也浪费不了，”女招待坚持说:“我们吃掉自己的错误。”
Johnny: He is ill in bed. He hurt himself.
Tommy: That's too bad. How did that happen?
Johnny: We played who could lean furthest out of the window, and he won.
汤姆：约翰尼,你小弟弟好吗?
约翰尼：他害病卧床了.他受了伤.
汤姆：真糟糕,怎么回事儿?
约翰尼：我们做游戏,看谁能把身子探出窗外最远,他赢了.
Nick:I can't.My mother told me to go straight home.（尼克：我去不了，因为我妈妈让我一放学就回家。）
"I gave it to a poor old woman," he answered.
"You're a good boy," said the mother proudly. "Here are two cents more. But why are you so interested in the old woman?"
"She is the one who sells the candy."
小罗伯特向妈妈要两分钱。
“昨天给你的钱干什么了？”
“我给了一个可怜的老太婆，”他回答说。 “你真是个好孩子，”妈妈骄傲地说。“再给你两分钱。可你为什么对那位老太太那么感兴趣呢？”
“她是个卖糖果的。”
One day a little girl came home from school, and said to her mother, Mommy, today in school I was punished for something that I didn't do.
The mother exclaimed, But that's terrible! I'm going to have a talk with your teacher about this! By the way, what was it that you didn't do?
The little girl replied, My homework.
惩罚的原因
一天，小女孩从学校回到家里，对妈妈说：妈妈，今天在学校里我因为一件我没有做的事情而受到惩罚。
妈妈激动地说：那真是太可怕了!我要跟你的老师好好谈一谈，对了，你没有做过的那件事是什么?
小女孩回答说：我的家庭作业。
A guy is reading his paper when his wife walks up behind him and smacks him on the back of the head with a frying pan.
He asks, What was that for?
She says, I found a piece of paper in your pocket with 'Betty Sue' written on it.
He says, Jeez, honey, 'Betty Sue' was the name of the horse I bet on. She shrugs and walks away.
Three days later he's reading his paper when she walks up behind him and smacks him on the back of the head again with the frying pan.
He asks, What was that for?
She answers, Your horse called.
一个家伙正在看报纸，他的妻子走到他身后，用一只煎锅敲他的后脑勺。他问道：这是为什么?她说：我在你口袋里发现了一张写有‘Betty Sue’的纸条。他说：哎呀，亲爱的，‘Betty Sue’是我赌的那匹马的名字。她耸了耸肩，走了。 三天后他正在看报纸，妻子走到他身后，又用一只煎锅敲他的后脑勺。他问：这又是为什么?她答道：你的马打电话来了。
A: They make faces all day.
一看到make faces这个短语，你可千万别以为是在钟表厂工作的人整天都做鬼脸呀！因为除了这个意思以外，它还可以从字面上解释为制造钟面。
"i had an operation," said a man to his friend, "and the doctor left a sponge in me."一个男人对他的朋友说：“我动了一次手术，手术后医生把一块海绵忘在我的身体里了。”
"that's terrible!" said the friend. "got any pain?"
“真是太糟糕了！”朋友说道：“你觉得疼吗？”
"no, but i am always thirsty!"
“不疼，可是我总感到口渴！
While eating in a restaurant, I reprimanded my four-year-old son for speaking with his mouth full . "Mump umn Kmpfhm," was all I heard.
"Drew," I scolded, "no one can understand a word you're saying.
"He says he wants some ketchup," my husband said calmly . A woman sitting nearby leaned over and asked, "How in the world did you understand him?"
"I'm a dentist," my husband explained.
在饭店吃饭的时候，我申斥我4岁的儿子，因为他满嘴食物在说话。“喔、呢”，我听到的就是这些。 “祖，”我责备道，“没人明白你在说什么。” “他说他要一些番茄酱，”我丈夫平静地说。坐在旁边的一位妇女靠过来问道：“你究竟如何明白他的话的呢？” “我是牙医。”我丈夫解释道。╮(╯_╰)╭
“Stressed is just desserts if you can reverse.” Daughter said.
"So，that is the reason why you are so fat？''Mom said.
“压力倒过来即是甜点。”女儿一本正经地说。
“这就是你为什么如此胖的原因？”妈妈说。
......
“two to two to two two”
连说六个“吐”……
“How to say1:58—2:02? ”
“Two to two to two two”
……
老师：谁能回到我下一个问题，谁就可以回家了。
One boy throws his bag out the window.
一个小男孩把书包扔到窗外。
Teacher: who just threw that?!
老师：谁刚刚把书包扔出去了?
Boy: Me! I’m going home now.
男孩：我!我现在要回家了
Teacher: Tom, why are you late for school every day?
Tom: Every time I come to the corner, a sign says, "School-Go
Slow".
汤姆的借口
老师：汤姆，您为什么每天上学迟到？
汤姆：我每次路过拐角，一个路标上面写着："学校----慢行。"
A: To see a butterfly!
Q：为什么那个男孩把黄油扔出窗外？
A：为了看蝴蝶。
（butter是黄油，fly是飞，但butterfly是蝴蝶的意思）
A: Hot. Everyone can catch a cold.
（catch有抓住的意思，catch a cold是感冒的意思）
Q：热和冷，谁跑得更快？
A：冷，因为每个人都能感冒（抓住冷）。
--Can you tell me what fish net is made, Ann?
--A lot of little holes tied together with strings. replied the little girl.
鱼网
--你能告诉我鱼网是什么做的吗，安? 老师发问道。
--把许多小孔用绳子栓在一起就成了鱼网了。 小女孩回答道。
很天真的孩纸~\(≧▽≦)/~
-- My uncle has 1000 men under him.
-- He is really somebody. What does he do?
-- A maintenance man in a cemetery.
他真是一个大人物
-- 我叔叔下面有1000个人。
-- 他真是一个大人物。干什么的?
-- 墓地守墓人。
哈哈，开心就好O(∩_∩)O
——Where are the cats and dogs?
——雨下的好大啊。
——下猫和狗？(英文里rain cats and dogs形容雨下的大)
-- I'm sorry, sir. It must have been in a fight.
-- Well, bring me the winner then.
服务员，这个龙虾只有一只爪。
对不起，先生，这只肯定打过架了。
哦，那给我那个打赢的吧。
Amy: No, I have to stay in and help my father with my homework.
基米：嘿，艾米，你不出来玩吗?
艾米：不了，我必须留在家里，帮我爸爸做我的家庭作业。
Jack:I have just had a apple,Dad.
Father:What'that got to do with it?
Jack:I forget to wash the apple.
爸爸：杰克，你干麻喝这么多水呀？
杰克：我刚才吃了个苹果，爸爸。
爸爸：可是这跟喝水有什么关系呢？
杰克：我忘了洗苹果呀。
one day he went to eat beef noodles, the result is swept away by the client.
从前有个人叫小菜，
有一天他去吃牛肉面，
结果就被端走了
在英语中 a pink slip 是解雇书通知书的意思，所以可怜的Pink因为滑了一跤就被唱片公司解雇了。。。。
Little Robert ask his mother for two cents. "What did you do with the money I gave you yesterday?"
"I gave it to a poor old woman."he answered.
"You're a good boy ,"said the mother proudly."Here are two cents more.But why you so insterested in the old woman?"
"She is the one who sells the candy."
好孩子
小罗伯特向妈妈要两美分。
“昨天给你的钱干什么了？”
“我给了一个可怜的老人。”他回答说。
“你真是个好孩子，”妈妈骄傲地说，“再给你两美分。可是你为什么对那位老人那么感兴趣呢？”
“因为，她是个卖糖果的。”
②Class and Ass
Professor Laurie of Glasgow put his notice on his door:"Professor Laurie will not meet his classes today."
A student ,after reading the notice ,rubbed out the "c".
Later Professor Laurie came along ,and entering into the spirit of the joke ,rubbed out the "l".
课程和笨驴
格拉斯哥的劳里教授在门上贴了这样一则通知：“劳里教授今天课程取消。”
一个学生读了通知后，擦掉了字母“c” （lass：姑娘）
后来劳里教授来了，也想开开玩笑，他擦掉了字母“l” (ass：笨驴)
钞票不是万能的，有时还需要信用卡。
Behind every successful man, there is a woman. And behind every unsuccessful man, there are two.
每个成功男人的背后，都有一个女人。每个不成功男人的背后，都有两个。
woof, roof, loof, shoof, shoof, woof, loof, poof, woof, woof, hoof, loof, roof, shoof,
测试结果：你是一条好狗。现在可以停下别叫了。
从前有一根火柴，在路上走啊走，突然它觉得头很痒，它就挠啊挠，然后它就着了。
哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈。
看一次笑一次。
begin+to do 或者begin+doing
对不起就是写英语短文改错养成的习惯
一个女的脱光衣服打劫了银行。没人记得她长啥样子
Q:May I know you?
A:I just know you now,how do you know me?
Q:I dont know you ,but may I know you ?
请问有谁明白了吗？
第一句话，是，我可以认识你吗？
结果，我自行翻译成，我可能认识你。。。
于是冷笑话就来了。。。
哈哈哈哈哈哈。
两条牙签等红绿灯时碰到一只刺猬。他们俩默默地看了他一会儿，然后其中一只对另一只说，“呃，原来这儿还有公交车啊……”
What animal goes "Gobble, gobble, gobble?
Garfield at the dinner table.
什么动物 gobble 叫？
坐在晚饭桌上的加菲猫
（gobble通常用来形容火鸡叫，也可以当动词形容吃东西砸吧砸吧）
Knock knock
Who's there?
Ida
Ida who?
Ida the lasagna; Garfield's coming!
叩、叩
谁呢？
爱达
哪个爱达？
宽条面爱达。加菲猫来啦！
（Knock Knock是很经典的笑话，下面可以加很多不同的东西。Lasagna是加菲猫最喜欢吃的东西。这个应该够冷了
Teacher: What is the plural of man, Tom?
Tom: Men.
Teacher: Good. And the plural of child?
Tom: Twins.
"孩子"的复数形式
老师：汤姆，‘男人’这个词的复数形式是什么?
汤姆：男人们。
老师：答得好。那‘孩子’的复数形式呢?
汤姆：双胞胎。
Sunday School teacher: Hands up all those who want to go to Heaven? Hands up ..... what about you, Terry? You haven't got your hand up -- don't you want to go to Heaven?
Terry: I can't. My Mum told me to go straight home.
去天堂
主日学校的教员：想去天堂的人举起手来，把手举起来。。。你呢，哈里?你还没举手呢-- 你不想去天堂吗?
哈里： 我去不了，因为妈妈让我一放学就回家。
——Beacause it's meteor(Oh man,that made me hungry)
月亮的石头吃起来比地球的石头香--因为那是陨石（我饿了）。
解释：Meteor(陨石）和Meatier（肉更多）谐音。因为月亮的石头肉更多。（我也饿了）
一个学生正在考驾照，在路口不知改向哪转，就问教练：“向左吗？教练回答：”对的。然后学生考试就挂了。
hi,Jack!
那怎么做自我介绍呢？
Jack,I'm Jackson.
（hijack劫机的意思。)
Jackson。。。（逃
left & right.
your left brain has nothing right,
and your right brain has nothing left.
你的大脑有两个部分，左边的部分没有什么是正常的，右边的部分什么都没有
（right作副词是右边，作形容词是正常的意思
left作副词是左边，作形容词是剩余的意思）
此句专治脑残
山和衣刷之间有什么区别?
A: One crushes boats and the other brushes coats!
一个 撞 船 一个 刷 大衣!
(单词的拼写造成的JOKE)
Xiao Ming replied: Today my way home I met a beautiful woman, I asked her sister about it? Sister say about children.
老师问:同学们，谁能用不约而同造个句子？
小明答到:今天我回家路上我遇见一位美女，我问她，姐姐约吗？姐姐说不约儿童。
Reggie: We have got a new dog. Would you like to come around and play with him?
Ron: Well, I don't know---does he bite?
Reggie: That's what I want to find out.
翻译
里基：我们又得到了一条新狗，你愿意过来和他玩一会吗？
罗恩：嗯，我不知道----它咬人吗？
里基：这正是我想要查明的。
He is really somebody My uncle has 1000 men under him. He is really somebody. What does he do? A maintenance man in a cemetery.
他真是一个大人物，我叔叔下面有1000个人。他真是一个大人物。干什么的?墓地守墓人。
Because he had no body to go with.
The school girl was sitting with her feet streched far out into the aisle ,and was busily chewing gum, when the teacher espied her. "Mary !" called the teacher sharply. "Yes,Madam?" questioned the pupil , "Take that gum out of your mouth and put your feet in!"
把脚放进去
一个女学生坐在座位上，嘴里起劲地嚼着口香糖，脚却伸到课桌间的走道里，被老师发现了。“玛丽!”老师严厉地叫她。“什么事，老师?”这女学生问。“把口香糖从嘴里拿出来，把脚放进去。”
black man：no,i'm White
A: MOOOOvies
（date是约会的意思，Moo为牛叫声，movie则是电影院的意思）
小童子军：我要怎样才能辨别蘑菇和毒蕈呢?
Old Scout: Just eat one before you go to bed. If you wake up the next morning, it was a mushroom.
老童子军：你只需要上床前吃一个。如果你第二天早上能够醒来，说明那就是蘑菇。
Teacher: Hu says, "Heaven helps those who help themselves." Please translate this sentence into Chinese.
I: 胡说……
Teacher: You get out of here.
老师：你来翻译一下这句话。
我：胡说……
老师：你给我滚出去！
一天，有一个城市里的游客来到一个小乡村，在乡间路上开着车，想看看农庄是什么样子，也想看看农夫怎样种田过日子。这位城里人看见一位农夫在宅后的草地 上，手中抱着一头猪，并把它举得高高的，好让它能够吃到树上的苹果。城里人对农夫说，"我看你的猪挺喜欢吃苹果的，但是，这不是很浪费时间吗?"那位农夫 回答说，"时间对猪有什么意义?"
Frank : Because of the sign.
Teacher : What sign?
Frank : The one that says ,"School Ahead, Go Slow."
老师：弗兰克，你为什么迟到？
弗兰克：因为一个指示牌。
老师：什么指示牌？
弗兰克：一个上面写着“前方学校，减速慢行”的指示牌。
A：Because he wants to have a hot dog.
__________________________________________
问：这小男孩为什么让他的狗在烈日下暴晒？
答：因为他想要吃热狗
No they won't. They lie still after they die.
————————————————————————
你们说骗子死了后还能骗人么？
当然会啊，他们躺在泥土里也会骗人。
still（有仍然、躺两层意思，躺代表死了）
Xiao Ming: Teacher, I have found a spelling error in the name, Carroll.
Teacher: What's wrong?
Xiao Ming: It should be Carrolls or Carrolled.
小明：报告老师，我在卡罗尔这个名字里发现了一个拼写错误。
老师：哪儿错了？
小明：连单三都不用，再不济也得用过去式啊！应该是Carrolls或者Carrolled.
Teacher: Johnny, why are you late for school erery morning？
Johnny : Erery time I come to the corner, a guidepost says,'Schoop ——GO Slow'.
迟到的原因
老师:约翰尼，为什么你每天早晨都迟到？
约翰尼:每当我经过学校附近的拐角处，就见路牌上写着'学校—缓行'。
一位学生对另一位说:"你的英文最近学的怎么样啊？"
"很好，我过去不懂英国人说话，现在是英国人不懂我说话。"
Sister's boyfriend: No, don't do that. Here's a nickel.
Little brother: That makes a buck and a quarter I've made this month.
弟弟：我看见你亲我姐姐了，如果你不给我五分钱，我就告诉我爸。
姐姐的男朋友：不要那样做。给你五分钱。
弟弟：我这个月已经赚了一块两毛五了。
Ｃ：Why？为什么？
A：cos it's ‘a trap’! 因为这是个陷阱！（part A倒着念是 A trap，意思是“一个陷阱”！
书籍是人类进步的阶梯，电子书是人类进步的电梯。
Ａ：To get away from all those who are trying to kill it. 躲避那些想消磨它的人（杀了它）
Tom: At night. 晚上🌃
Teacher: Who told you that?
Tom: You! You said Rome was not built in a day. 你说的，你说罗马不是一日建成的！（谚语
A:Electricity! 答：电！
（因为电这个单词“electricity”末尾有city城市这个单词😆
black man：no,i'm white！
（请自行体会迷之笑点~）
冰山和衣刷之间有什么区别？
A: One crushes boats and the other brushes coats!
一个撞船，一个刷大衣😂(单词的拼写造成的JOKE）
看看你到第几阶段啦？😍
Like someone
Like to fuck someone
Like the last one
Like to be alone
中文翻译：
喜欢上一个人。
喜欢上一个人。
喜欢上一个人 。
喜欢上一个人。
A: To see a butterfly!
butter是黄油，fly是飞，但butterfly是蝴蝶的意思。
你知道什么很奇怪吗？唐老鸭从来不穿裤子，但是无论他在哪里洗澡，总会在腰间系一条浴巾。所以他这样做的目的是什么？
“Right！”
Then he didn't pass.
一个留学生在美国考驾照，他不知道怎么走就问考官“左转吗？”
“是的”
然后他就挂了。。。哈哈哈
（一天，化学老师问他的学生们：“水的化学式是什么？”）
Suzie immediately raised her hand.
（苏西很快举起了她的手。）
"Yes, Suzie, what's the answer?", the teacher asked.
“苏西你来说，答案是什么？”，老师问到。
Suzie answered proudly, "The chemical formula for water is 'HIJKLMNO'!"
（苏西得意洋洋的回答，“水的化学式是HIJKLMNO”）
Her teacher looked perplexed. He asked, "What are you talking about?"
（老师困惑的看着她，问，“你在说神马，，”）
Suzie replied, "Yesterday you said the formula for water is H to O!"
（“昨儿你说啦，水的分子式是H到O的所有字母啊∠( ᐛ 」∠)＿”）
The farmer invited biologists, chemist and physicist look chicken what the problem is.
（农场的鸡病了。农场主请来生物学家、化学家和物理学家来看一下鸡出了什么问题。）
Biologists to chickens a check, finally said, do not know to have what disease of chicken.
（生物学家对鸡做了一番检查，最后说，不知道鸡得的什么病。）
The chemist made a test and measurement, finally didn't also finds out what a what it was.
（化学家作了一番试验和测量，最后也没查出什么个所以然。）
Physicists stood there, toward the chicken watched for a while, and didn't even go to move the chicken. Then, take out your notebooks began writing up, and finally, after some terrible calculation, physicists say, "up, but only applies to the vacuum of spherical chicken.╮（╯＿╰）╭
（物理学家站在那儿，对着鸡看了一会，甚至都没去动一下那只鸡。然后，拿出笔记本开始写了起来，最后，经过一番可怕的计算，物理学家说，“搞定了，可是，只适用于真空中的球形鸡。→_→）
"It's all right," said a gentleman, "don't be afraid. Don't you know the proverb: Barking dogs don't bite?"
"Ah, yes," answered the little girl. "I know the proverb, but does the dog know the proverb, too?"
一个小女孩非常不喜欢狗狂叫的样子。
“没有关系，”一位先生说，“不用害怕，你知道这条谚语吗：‘吠狗不咬人。’”
“啊，我是知道，可是狗也知道吗？”
Dad:Hi, hungry,I am dad.
son:Dad,I am serious.
Dad:No,You are hungry.
son:You are joking.
Dad:No,I am dad
A: A Cruz missile.
问：唯一能击败唐纳德.特朗普的是什么？
答：巡航导弹。
“Cruz”是Cruise（巡航）的谐音……
A： MOOOOvies
问：奶牛是怎么约会的？
答：哞…看电影
（Moo为牛叫声，movie则是电影的意思）
一个胖子搜索和一个瘦子在争论谁更有礼貌。瘦子说他更有礼貌，因为他经常对女士摘帽示意。但是胖子认为他更有风度，因为无论什么时候他在车上给别人让座时，总有两位女士能坐下。
Roy:"Because after it is struck once the same place isn't there any more!"
老师：“为什么说闪电从来不会两次击中同一个地方？”
罗伊：“因为它击中一个地方一次以后，那个地方就不存在了。”
"Fine.I used to be wang who couldn't understand the English men who can't understand me."
一位学生对另一位说：“你的英语最近学的怎么样？”
“很好，我过去不懂英国人说话，可现在是英国人不懂我的话了。”
冰山和衣刷之间有什么区别？
A: One crushes boats and the other brushes coats!
一个 撞 船 一个 刷 大衣！(单词的拼写造成的JOKE）
Tom:I've just taken some medicine and I forgot to shake the bottle.
妈妈：你为什么不停地跳上跳下的？
汤姆：我刚吃完药，可我忘了先摇动瓶子了。
Tom: Men.
Teacher: Good. And the plural of child?
Tom: Twins.
老师：汤姆，‘男人’这个词的复数形式是什么?
汤姆：男人们。
老师：答得好。那‘孩子’的复数形式呢?
汤姆：双胞胎。
Customer:" waiter, I have got only one piece of meat in my dish?"
Waiter:" just a moment, sir. And I will cut it in two."
一还是二
顾客：服务员我盘子里怎么只有一块肉？
服务员：先生，请稍候，我去把它切成两块。