Section 6 - Part 2 -～～1| Helping

【赏析者】罗罗

Situation: Father was going fishing and four-year-old Danielle wanted to go with him.

DADDY: All right, honey, you can come along, but remember we’ll be standing outside for a long, long time and it’s cold outside this morning.

DANIELLE: (Confusion is spread across her face and she answered with great hesitation.) I changed my mind . . . I want to stay home.

Two minutes after Daddy left the tears began.

DANIELLE: Daddy left me and he knew I wanted to go!

MOMMY: (preoccupied at the time and not in the mood to cope) Danielle, we both know that you decided to stay home. Your crying is distracting and I don’t want to listen, so if you’re going to cry go to your room.

【段落大意】

情形：爸爸要去钓鱼四岁的丹妮尔也想去。

爸爸：好吧，你可以跟着来。不过记住我们要在外面站很长时间，而且早上非常冷。

丹妮尔：（脸上充满了困惑，很迟疑的回答）我改变注意了，我待在家里。

爸爸走了马上就开始哭。

丹妮尔：爸爸明知道我想去却不带我。

妈妈：（在忙其他事情不太想力丹妮尔）亲爱的，我们都知道你决定了留在家里。你哭得太吵了我现在不想听，回房间去哭。

【单词/词组/句型】

①Tears began.

she dried her eyes.眼泪相关地表达

②with great hesitation 很犹豫

e.g. She agreed to see him again without hesitation.

她没有犹豫就同意和他再次见面。

She runs to her room wailing.

Minutes later Mommy decides to try the new method.

MOMMY: (going to Danielle’s room and sitting on her bed) You really wanted to be with Daddy, didn’t you? Danielle stopped crying and nodded her head.

MOMMY: You felt confused when Daddy mentioned how cold it would be. You couldn’t make up your mind.

Relief showed in her eyes. Nodding again, she dried her eyes.

MOMMY: You felt you didn’t have enough time to make up your mind.

DANIELLE: No, I didn’t.

At this point I hugged her. She bounced off her bed and went off to play.

【段落大意】

她跑回房间去大声嚎哭。妈妈觉得试试新的方法。

妈妈：（坐在床边）你真的想跟爸爸去，对不对？丹妮尔停止了哭泣点点头。

妈妈：你觉得很困惑当爸爸提到外面很冷。你无法下定决心。

她的眼睛里露出了轻松，再一次点头，擦干了眼泪。

妈妈：你觉得你不够时间下定决心。

丹妮尔：是的。

这个时候我拥抱了她。她跳下了床玩去了。

【单词/词组/句型】

①You really wanted to be with Daddy, didn’t you?反义疑问句，通常用来确认，“对吗”“你同意吗？”非常常见的句式

e.g.Let's go to the supermarket ,shall we?

让我们去超市，好吗？

②

It also seemed to help the children to know that they could have two very different feelings at the same time.

After the baby was born, I always told Paul that he loved his new brother. Paul would shake his head, “Nooooo! Nooooo!”

This past month I’ve been saying, “It seems to me, Paul, you have two feelings about the baby. Sometimes you’re glad you have a brother. He’s fun to watch and play with. And sometimes you don’t like having him around at all. You just wish he’d go away.”

Paul likes that. At least once a week now, he’ll say to me, “Tell me about my two feelings, Mommy.”

【段落大意】

这个方法看起来像是帮助孩子了解了自己同时有两种不同的情绪。

小宝宝出生后，我总是告诉鲍尔他喜欢自己的小弟弟。没有没有

我一直说：在我看来，鲍尔对小宝宝一直有两个感觉。有时候你觉得有个弟弟非常高兴。看着它跟它一起玩很开心。有时候，你一点也不喜欢它在旁边，让他赶紧走开

鲍尔很喜欢这样。每一个星期，他总是说，快跟我说说我的两种情绪，妈妈。

【单词/词组/句型】

①It seemed that 句型

Some parents particularly appreciated having the skills to be helpful when a child’s mood was one of discouragement or despair. They were glad to know they didn’t have to take on their children’s unhappiness and make it their own. One mother said, “I’ve just begun to realize what unnecessary pressure I’ve been putting myself under to make sure my kids are happy all the time. I first became aware of how far gone I was when I found myself trying to Scotch-tape a broken pretzel together to stop my four-year-old from crying. I’ve also begun to realize what a burden I’ve been putting on the children. Think of it! Not only are they upset about the original problem, but then they get more upset because they see me suffering over their suffering. My mother used to do that to me, and I remember feeling so guilty—as if there was something wrong with me for not being happy all the time. I want my kids to know that they’re entitled to be miserable without their mother falling apart.”

【段落大意】

有些父母特别地庆幸当一个孩子处于沮丧和绝望时能有一些实用地方法。他们很高兴当知道，他们不必承受孩子的不愉快和把这些不愉快变成自己的。一个妈妈说：我刚刚意识到为了让我的孩子总是很开心我自己承受了很大的压力。为了让我四岁的孩子停止哭泣而用透明胶带粘贴一块碎掉的饼干，这是我第一次意识到我走太远了。同时我也意识到我给孩子很大的负担。想想看。他们不仅仅是对原来的问题沮丧，当看到我因他们的事情生气时他们更加沮丧了。我妈妈以前意识这样对我，我记得我感觉很内疚，就像不能一直高兴是做错了事。我想让我的孩子知道，他们有权利感受到凄惨同时妈妈也不因此崩溃。

【单词/词组/句型】

①not only ....but 

②be entitled

My son, Ron, came in with muddied overalls and downcast face.

FATHER: I see a lot of mud on your pants.

RON: Yeah, I suck at football.

FATHER: You had a hard game.

RON: Yeah, I can’t play. I’m too weak. Even Jerry knocks me down.

FATHER: It’s so frustrating to get knocked down.

RON: Yeah. I wish I was stronger.

FATHER: You wish you were built like Superman.

RON: Yeah, then I could knock them down.

FATHER: You could run right over those tacklers.

RON: I could find plenty of running room.

FATHER: You could run.

RON: I can pass, too. I’m good on the short pass, but I can’t throw a bomb (long pass).

FATHER: You can run and pass.

RON: Yeah, I can play better.

FATHER: You feel you could play better.

RON: Next time I’m going to play better.

FATHER: You know you’ll play better.

【段落大意】

一天孩子灰头土脸回来了。

爸爸：我看见你裤子上有很多泥巴

孩子：我踢球太臭了。

爸爸：这场比赛打得很艰难。

孩子：是的，我不会打，我太弱了，连谁谁都能打倒我。

爸爸：被打倒是很让人沮丧

孩子：真希望我可以强壮一点

爸爸：你希望你变得像超人一样强壮

孩子：是的，这样我就可以把他们都打败了

爸爸：你可以撞到那些拦截你的人

孩子：我可以知道更多的控球空间

爸爸：你可以跑

孩子，我也可以传球，我短传比较厉害，长传不行

爸爸：你可以跑动和传球

孩子：我可以打得更好一点

爸爸：你感觉你可以打得更好一点

孩子：下次我会打得更好

爸爸：你知道你下次会打得更好。

【单词/词组/句型】

①sulk 生闷气，面有愠色，闷闷不乐

e.g.He went off in a sulk.他闷闷不乐地走了。

②You feel you could play better.爸爸用了虚拟语气。You know you’ll play better.这句没有虚拟语气。

表达了父亲对孩子地信任

Ordinarily I would have greeted Ron with some remarks such as: “You’re a good player. You just had one bad game. Don’t worry, you’ll do better next time.” He probably would have sulked and gone to his room.

I’ve made a tremendous discovery in this group. The more you try to push a child’s unhappy feelings away, the more he becomes stuck in them. The more comfortably you can accept the bad feelings, the easier it is for kids to let go of them. I guess you could say that if you want to have a happy family you’d better be prepared to permit the expression of a lot of unhappiness.

【段落大意】

通常我会官方地问候Ron:你是个不错的球员，你只是打了一场败战。不要担心，你下次会打得很好的。他很可能生气扭头就回自己房间了。

在这一组我有了惊人的发现。你也是用力试图把孩子的不良情绪赶走，他们自己越容易陷进去。你越是舒适地接纳他地情绪，孩子越是容易走出来。我猜你想说，如果你想要一个幸福地家庭，你最好时刻准备着允许不良情绪地表达。

【单词/词组/句型】

①sulk 生闷气，面有愠色，闷闷不乐

e.g.He went off in a sulk.他闷闷不乐地走了。

赏析总结：1.本段没有太多生词和难点。精彩地是父亲和儿子之间微妙地对话，一步一步引导儿子说出了心里地情绪，最好让儿子接纳了事实也对自己有信心。

2.允许孩子有坏情绪。不要让孩子对自己地坏情绪有内疚地感觉。