Section 5 - Part 2 -～～1| Helping

【赏析者】Melaine Geng

Parents’ Stories 家长们的故事

We teach the same basic principles to every group. Yet we never cease to be surprised at the originality of parents or the variety of situations in which these principles are applied. Each of the following stories is presented basically as parents have written them. In most cases the children’s names have been changed. You’ll notice that not every single thing the parents say is a “model” response. But their basic willingness to listen and their attitude of acceptance are what make the difference.

【段落大意】

对于任何群体，我们传授的都是相同的基本原理。但是，总能让我们感到吃惊的是：家长们的独创性，或者适用这些原理的各种各样的情况。下面的每一个故事，基本上都是由家长自己的写的。大部分情况下，孩子的名字已被改变。你将注意到并不是每一个单独的事件，家长都是“模式化”恢复。但是他们对于倾听的基本意愿，以及接纳的态度，使得事情变得不同。

【单词/词组/句型】

① cease to 停止，终止。never cease to be surprised 总能让人感到吃惊

② in most cases 在大多数情况下

The parents who told these first two stories to the group found it difficult to believe that when they refrained from giving advice the child really did start to work toward his own solution. This mother introduced her story with, “Listen to how little I said!”

【段落大意】

在群体中讲述前两个故事的家长发现，真是难以置信，当他们忍住、没有给孩子提供建议，孩子居然开始自己去解决问题。这位母亲在介绍自己的故事时用了一句话：“听，我说的多么少！”

【单词/词组/句型】

① refrain from  忍住

Nicky, age eight, comes home from school and says, “I’d like to punch Jeffrey.”
ME: You’re really mad at Jeffrey!
NICKY: Yeah! Whenever we play soccer and I get the ball he says, “Give it to me, Nicky, I’m better than you are.” Wouldn’t that make anybody mad?
ME: Yes.
NICKY: But Jeffrey’s not really like that. In first grade he was always nice. But I think when Chris came in the second grade Jeffrey picked up the habit of boasting from him.
ME: I see.
NICKY: Let’s call Jeffrey and invite him to the park.

【段落大意】

Nicky, 今年八岁，从学校回来说到：“我真想揍Jeffrey一顿。”

我：“你确实对Jeffrey怒了。”

Nicky ：“是的！每次我们一起踢足球，我拿到球时他总会说：‘把球给我，Nicky, 我比你踢得好！’搁谁谁不会生气啊？”

我：“是呢。”

Nicky：“但是Jeffrey 其实不是这样的人。一年级的时候他非常好。但我想是二年级的时候Chris来了，Jeffrey从他身上学会了吹牛的毛病。”

我：“我明白了。”

Nicky：“那我们还是叫上他一起去公园玩吧。”

【单词/词组/句型】

① whenever 无论什么时候，每次。

My son is a first grader who is not aggressive and doesn’t get into fights. Therefore I tend to be overprotective because he seems so vulnerable. On Monday he came home from school and told me that a boy in his class, who is much bigger than he is, sent a “deputy” over to tell him that he was going to be “beat up” tomorrow. My first reaction was pure hysteria: keep him home from school, teach him overnight self-defense—anything to save him pain and fear.

【段落大意】

我的儿子是一年级学生，他没有攻击性并且从不参与打架。之前我倾向于过度保护，是因为他看起来易受攻击。周一那天他从学校回到家，告诉我他班上一个比他高大很多的孩子，经人传话说明天要暴打他一顿。我的第一反应是完全情绪失控：让他待在家里不要去学校，整夜教他如何自卫——任何能够挽救他的痛苦和害怕的做法。

【单词/词组/句型】

① deputy 代理人。sent a "deputy" over to tell him, 我认为是“找了个人代为传话”的意思。

Instead of showing him my alarm, I decided to listen attentively and just answered, “Umm.” Then Douglas launched into a nonstop monologue. He said, “Yes, so I’ve figured out three strategies for defense. First, I’ll try to talk him out of fighting. I’ll explain that you shouldn’t fight because it’s uncivilized. Then if that doesn’t work, I’ll put on my glasses, but (he paused and thought here) if he’s a bully that won’t stop him, and he must be a bully because I never even spoke to him and now he wants to beat me up. Then, if nothing else works, I’ll get Kenny to attack him. Kenny is so strong the bully will just look at him and be scared.”

【段落大意】

与其表现出我的担忧，我决定不如集中精力去听他讲，并且只回答：“嗯。”然后对话进入到了喋喋不休地长篇大论中。他说：“是的，我已经想出了三个策略以用来防卫。首先，我会试着把他带出打架中。我将去解释，你不能打架，因为这不文明。然后如果这没用的话，我会带上我的眼镜，但是（他可能会暂停并且想一会儿）如果他是个恶霸这并不能阻止他，他当然是个恶霸因为我都没跟他讲过话他居然都想打我。再然后呢，如果这些都没用，我会带上Kenny去进攻他。Kenny是个很强壮的恶霸，谁看一眼都会感到害怕。”

【单词/词组/句型】

① lunch into 开始做

② monologue （别人插不进话地）长篇大论，滔滔不绝地讲话

I was shocked and just said, “Oh,” and he said, “Okay . . . it’ll be okay . . . I have plans to use,” and he walked out of the room relaxed. I was so impressed with my son. I had no idea he could be so brave or so creative about handling his own problems. And all this came about because I just listened and kept out of his way.

【段落大意】

我很震惊并且只是说：“噢。”然后他自言自语说到：“没问题...一切都会没问题的...我有计划可以实施”然后他走出房间放松了许多。我对我的儿子刮目相看。我从没想过他会如此勇敢或者如此有创意地去处理他自己的问题。这一切都源于我只是在倾听，并置身事外。

【单词/词组/句型】

① keep out of 躲开，不进入

But I didn’t let it go there. I said nothing to Douglas, but I called his teacher that afternoon and alerted her to what was going on. She said it was good I called, because in today’s world no threat should be overlooked.

【段落大意】

但我并没有完全不管这件事。对话中我什么都没说，但是我打电话给他的老师，让她意识到将会发生什么。她说，我能打电话告诉她，是件好事，因为当今社会，没有任何一次恐吓事件，应该被忽略。

The next day it took all my self-control not to ask him what happened, but he said to me, “Mommy, guess what, the bully never came near me today.”

【段落大意】

第二天，我调动了全部的自控力，不去问他发生了什么，但他却来告诉我：“妈妈，你猜怎么了，那个恶霸今天压根没接近我。”

Some parents reported their amazement at the calming effect their “accepting” statements had. The old “Calm down!” or “Cut it out!” seemed only to agitate the children further. But a few words of acknowledgment often soothed the most savage feelings and changed the mood dramatically. This first example is from a father.

【段落大意】

一些家长反映，他们的惊喜之处在于他们“接纳”陈述后的镇静效果。以往的“冷静！”或者“够了”好像只会让孩子离我们越来越远。而几个表示确认的词通常就能够安慰最狂怒的心，让情绪戏剧化地转变。第一个例子来自一位父亲。

【单词/词组/句型】

① cut it out  够了

② agitate  鼓动，摇动，煽动，骚动

My daughter, Holly, came in from the kitchen.
“Mrs. G. really yelled at me in gym today.”
“Oh.”
“She screamed at me.”
“She was really mad.”
“She yelled, ‘You don’t hit the ball that way in volleyball. You do it this way!’ How should I know? She never told us how to hit it.”
“You were angry at her for yelling.”
“She made me so mad.”
“It can be frustrating to be yelled at for no good reason.”
“She had no right!”
“You feel she shouldn’t have yelled at you.”
“No. I’m so mad at her, I could step on her . . . I’d like to stick pins in a doll of her and make her suffer.”
“Hang her by the thumbs.”
“Boil her in oil.”
“Turn her over a spit.”

【段落大意】

我的女儿，Molly，从厨房里走过来。

“今天G女士在体育馆吼了我。”

“噢”

“她冲我尖叫。”

“那她确实十分生气。”

“她吼到，‘你不能以那种方式击球，你要这么做！’我怎么知道改怎么做？她从没告诉我们如何击球。”

“你对她的吼叫很生气。”

“她让我太生气了！”

“没有正当理由就被吼，那肯定很沮丧。”

“她没有权利这么做。”

“你觉得她不该吼你”

“是的。我对她十分愤怒，我应该踩死她...我要拿针扎她的小人让她受苦。”

“吊死她吧。”

“油锅中炸了她”

“把她插在烤肉叉上翻转”

At this point Holly smiled. I smiled. She began to laugh, and so did I. She then remarked that it was really silly the way Mrs. G. yelled. Then she said, “I sure know now how to hit the volleyball to satisfy her.”

【段落大意】

这时候Holly笑了。我也笑了。她开始大笑，我也开始大笑。她接着强调G女士吼她的方式确实很愚蠢。然后她说：“现在我确实知道如何击球才能让她满意。”

Usually I might have said, “You probably did something wrong to make her yell. Next time listen when the teacher corrects you and then you’ll know what to do.” She would probably have slammed the door and raged in her room about what an insensitive idiot she had for a father, along with a miserable teacher.

【段落大意】

搁往常，我可能会说：“你可能是做错了什么才使得她吼你。下次老师纠正你的时候你要听着，然后就知道要怎么做了。”她可能会“砰”的一声关上门，自己在房间里对一个麻木的傻瓜父亲和一个令人痛苦的老师愤怒不已。

【单词/词组/句型】

① rage about 对...大怒

②along with 连同

Setting: My kitchen.
I have just put the baby down for her nap. Evan comes home from nursery school all excited because he’s going to Chad’s house to play.
EVAN: Hi, Mom. Let’s go to Chad’s now!
MOM: Nina (the baby) is sleeping now, but we’ll go later.
EVAN: (getting upset) I want to go now. You said we could.
MOM: How about if I walk you over with your bike?
EVAN: No! I want you to stay with me. (starts to cry hysterically) I want to go now! (He takes the drawings he has just brought home from school, crumples them, and stuffs them in the garbage.)
MOM: (My lightbulb goes on.) Boy, are you furious! You’re so angry you threw your drawings away. You must really be upset. Here you were, so looking forward to playing with Chad, and Nina is sleeping. That’s so disappointing.
EVAN: Yeah, I really wanted to go to Chad’s. (stops crying) Can I watch TV, Mom?
MOM: Sure.

【段落大意】

地点：我的厨房

我刚把睡着的宝贝放下。Evan兴奋地从幼儿园回到了家，因为他将要去Chad家玩。

Evan：你好呀，妈妈。我们现在就去Chad家吧！

妈妈：Nina现在在睡觉，我们要晚点去。

Evan ：（有些不快）我想现在就去。你说过我们可以现在去。

妈妈：我先骑自行车把你送过去怎么样？

Evan：不！我要你跟我待在一块儿。（开始歇斯底里地大哭）我现在就要去！（他拿出他刚从学校拿到家的画，把它们攥得皱皱巴巴，然后塞到了垃圾中。）

妈妈：（我灵光一现）儿砸，你太激动了！你很生气，都扔掉你的画。你一定很心烦。现在的你，十分期待去Chad家玩，可是Nina在睡觉。这真是令人沮丧。

Evan：是的！我确实很想去Chad家。（停止了哭泣）我可以看会儿电视吗，妈妈？

妈妈：当然可以。