“Stop waiting by the phone,” my mom shouts. “They said they’d call you today if you were chosen. It’s five thirty. You’ve used all your vacation days and it’s barely June; you’re flying back and forth from Houston every few weeks—it’s taken over your life. It’s taken over ourlives.”
“别再盯着手机等了，”我的妈妈大声喊着。“他们说了如果你被选中就会打给你的。现在已经五点半了。你为此已经花光了所有假期，现在还不到六月；你每隔几周就往休斯敦来回飞——这已经占据了你的全部生活了。也快占据我们的生活了。”
She points to me, and just like that, I’m a part of their game. A pawn left out conspicuously to lure a bishop and set up a checkmate. She makes eye contact with me, and I briefly see the exhaustion on her face. The panic, the stress. But my gaze darts away. I won’t give her that power. I won’t be a part of this.
她指向我，就这样，我成了他们游戏里的一部分。一个如此显眼的落单的兵用以牵制住象从而将了对方的军。她向我做眼神交流，我瞥见她脸上的疲惫。慌张。压力。但我移开了视线。我不会给她支持。我不会成为这争吵的一部分。
“I’m sorry, but it’s time to drop this fantasy,” Mom says, turning her attention back to Dad. “Just … think about it practically. We can’t relocate. I have a life, a job.”
“Does this really have to happen every otherday?” I say as I rush down the hallway toward my room.
“对不起，但也是时候放弃你的幻梦了，”妈妈说着，注意力又转向了爸爸。“你就…从实际出发想想吧。我们不能搬家。我在这有生活，有工作。”
“这场面真的必须得每隔一天就上演吗？”我一边沿走廊冲向卧室一边说。
“It’s only four thirty in Houston.” Dad clears his throat, almost nervously. “And you work remotely. You could code anywhere. I know you don’t want to hear it, but there’s still a chance. A real chance this could happen.”
“休斯敦那边现在才四点半。”爸爸清了清嗓子，透露出紧张不安。“而且你可以远程工作。你可以在任何地方编写代码。我知道你不想听，但还是有机会的。实实在在很有可能发生。”
“What about Calvin?” she snaps back. “We’d pull him from his school just before his senior year? Did you ever tell him about what this would mean for his videos?”
“Wait. What about my videos?” I spin back toward them, but as I do, the pieces fall into place. If he got the job, we wouldn’t only be moving to Houston, we’d basically be stepping onto a TV set.
Every moment of our lives would be monitored, recorded by StarWatch for their annoying Shooting Stars show.
“那卡尔文呢？”她叩问道。“难道我们要在他的毕业季让他从学校退学？你有没有告诉过他你的事对他的视频拍摄来说意味着什么？”
“等等，我的视频拍摄怎么了？”我又转身朝向他们，但就在这时，我的脑筋也转过弯来了。如果他得到那份工作了，我们不止是要搬去休斯敦，而是得走进电视机了。
我们生活的每个瞬间都将被《Star Watch》那烦人的闪亮新星节目监视、记录。
They’re both avoiding eye contact.
“Well, we don’t know anything for sure,” Dad starts, “but there was a clause in the paperwork.”
“A clear clause,” Mom says as she slowly massages her temples, “that said no other public video transmissions can be made including people involved with the mission. And as family, they would consider us a part of the mission.”
And I’m gone.
“Cal, wait!”
他们互相避免着眼神接触。
“目前，我们还什么都说不准，”爸爸开始说，“但的确在文书里有这么一项条款。”
“一项明确的条款。”妈妈按摩着她的太阳穴说道，“里面说了不允许拍摄任何与任务有关人员的其它公开播送的视频。而作为家人，到时他们也会将我们算作任务相关的一部分。”
而我已离开。
“卡尔，等等！”
I slam my bedroom door and lean against it. Within seconds, my parents are back at it, and there’s a part of me that wants to turn around and fix this. To make things right again. They still fought before the astronaut thing, but rarely, and not like this. My fists clench as I argue with myself, wondering whether it’s worth sticking my neck out, trying to help them, trying to stopthem.
But that’s never worked.
我猛地关上了卧室的门，背靠着它。而不出几秒，我的父母又开始吵起来了，我有那么点儿想转身出去平息争吵。去让事情重新变好起来。虽然他们跟以前一样还是为宇航员事件争吵，但少有像这次这样。我的拳头随着我的自我挣扎而攥紧起来，我挣扎想着如果我伸出援手，去帮助他们，去阻止他们，是否有用。
但这是行不通的。
“You’re making me dread coming home, Becca. Every time I come back with good news, you fly off the handle!”
“I’ve lived here my whole life.” Mom’s hurt voice creeps through my door. It’s like they’re having two separate conversations. Neither’s listening to the other. “This was our first home. I was born here, my … family was born here.”
“你让我惧怕回家，贝卡。每次我带着好消息回家，你却大发雷霆！”
“我在这儿住了大半辈子了。”妈妈那悲伤的声音蔓延过我的房门。他们就像在谈论两件完全不同的事。没有人在听对方说什么。“这是我们的第一个家。我在这儿出生，我的…家人们在这儿出生。”
I hear what she doesn’t say—my aunt was born here too. She lived down the street from us for years. This street, this neighborhood is all tied up in memories of her. No wonder Mom doesn’t want to leave.
“You didn’t have the decency to run it by me before you—”
That’s all I let myself hear.
我心领神会她没说的——我的姨妈也在这儿出生。她同住在这条街上很多年了。这条街、这些邻居都缠绕在她的记忆里。也难怪妈妈不想离开。
“这没得商量——”
那是我让自己听到的全部了。
This is another reason why my dad can’t be an astronaut: we’re clearly not fit to be an astronaut family.
这也是我爸成不了宇航员的另一个原因：我们很明显就不适合成为一个宇航员家庭。
NASA picked their first astronauts for the Orpheus missions three years ago, in small groups—three or four added each time. Orpheus I through IV tested individual components of the spacecraft, each test more successful than the last.
NASA在三年前选定了奥菲厄斯系列任务的第一批宇航员们，之后再每次加入一个小团队——三个或四个人。奥菲厄斯I到奥菲厄斯IV分别测试了飞船的不同部分，每次测试都比前一次更成功。
The families, though, became stars. What they have is flawless; their personal and professional stories follow a story arc that even I couldn’t write. It’s hard to look at them and not think they have everything my family doesn’t.
宇航员的家人们，也都成为了明星。他们的表现都无可指责；他们的私人生活和职业故事都展示在一个故事单元报道里，我可写不出来那么好的报道。看到他们就很难不去想他们有着我的家庭所没有的一切。
The astronauts have heated arguments that line the pages of People magazine, and sure, sometimes one of the spouses will have a little too much to drink during brunch. But they still smile for the cameras. They know how to make their imperfections seem … perfect.
In the end, they stay happy and supportive—two qualities my parents haven’t shown in a while.
宇航员们引起的争议热潮在《人物》杂志上可占了些篇幅，毕竟，总有些时候一些宇航员的配偶们会在早午餐时喝多了些。但他们对面镜头总是笑着的。他们知道如何使他们的不完美也至少看起来…完美。
单元报道的尾声，他们也持续着平和愉快、互相支持——我父母已经良久未曾表现过的两种素质。
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