IELTS Writing Task 2 013–More hi

IELTS Writing Task 2 013–More high-speed rails between cities or regular public transportation sy...

一、范文比对

今天我拿到了剑12登载的一篇雅思考生高分范文。这篇文章除了在一些拼写和标点失误以外，总体层次分明、条理清晰、内容充实、词汇使用恰当、自然、丰富、句式变化多样、语体得当。

文章分为5个段落。第一段从人们对高铁的偏好着手，讨论了题目中提出的两种不同态度。第二段和第三段分别论述了高铁的安全性、时效性️以及对城市交通拥堵缓解的间接作用。第四段讨论了高铁修建成本太高的缺陷以及把对高铁的投资投放在城市现有的公路、水路和铁路交通设施上。最后一段从公共交通问题切入阐述了税收在交通设施上的最合理使用，发展交通对环境影响的考虑以及从长远来说发展高铁的价值。

从范文中我学到了以下好词好句：

1、人们偏好的交通方式 the preferred method of transportation

2、把驾驶工作交给专业人士 leave the driving to the professional

3、更加能够支付得起的 more affordable

4、不断扩张的城市人口 ever-expanding urban populations

5、拥抱高铁的建设 embrace the idea of high-speed rail

二、初稿修改

1、开头

Traffic insufficiency and congestion has become a huge headache for many metropolis (这里我用前词代替了初稿中用错的metropolitans) in the world nowadays. Constructing more high speed rails (这里我用范文中的rails代替trains避免与题目用语雷同。) and improving current public transportation system are two typical proposals to address the above issue. In the following essay I’d like to discuss both views and put forward my own position.（这一段我从题目背景入手，改述了话题并开门见山导入了正文。）

2、主体#1段

Although bullet trains has the drawbacks of costing too much fund and benefit (替换了beneficial) little to city transportation relief, they can contribute hugely to connect the far away places at much higher speed, therefore reduce the traffic pressure for people who need to commute between different areas. In addition, compared with air flight, high speed trains are particularly advantageous in term of the ratio of efficiency, value for money and convenience for relatively shorter distance journey. I think the above are some of the arguments of those who endorse the high speed trains come up with. (这段讨论高铁的优势。）

3、主体#2段

On the other hand, in spite of the disadvantages of causing more traffic jams and inconveniences for cities to update the existing traffic infrastructure like the express ways, overpasses, subways, ferry service or automobile tunnels, bettering the present urban public transportation modes (替换了system) cost lower for the city council, conventional city public transportation fare is more affordable for the average salary earning household and can be very conducive to ease (代替了release) the traffic problems to a great degree and benefit the city commuters after the construction work is finished in the near future. A short pain is more preferable to a long one according to  an old saying in China.（这段讨论改进现有城市公共交通的作用。）

4、结尾

In summary, building more high speed trains and improving existing public transportation facilities have both strengths and weaknesses. As far as I am concerned, we should take advantage of both approaches, invest in the building of more bullet trains for city inhabitants to move around more quickly and comfortably and at the same time dedicated to upgrading the current within the city public transportation system to meet the mobility need of city dwellers and low-income families who find it hard to pay for the high price of the bullet trains and cope with the traffic problems as best as we can. （本段总结全文并提出了我自己对议题的观点。）

三、范文附录

IELTS Writing Task 2 013–More high-speed rails between cities or regular public transportation sy...