夜里很晚才睡，有些时候，明明知道不对，却偏偏还要去做，执迷不悟，仿佛内心里住着另一个人，自己有时根本不受控制。人总是给自己找各种借口，欺骗自己，获取些许安慰，想想也挺可笑的。睡不着的时候，往往不是客观原因造成的，而是自己的主观意识所为，似乎有一种执念，不达目的，决不罢休，然而，达到了目的，一切又都变得无聊起来。这真像叔本华说的那样，人生就是一个在痛苦和无聊中的钟摆，欲望达不到时觉得痛苦，欲望达到了觉得无聊。
早上醒来，已经快八点钟了，我觉得头脑昏沉，本想今天可以休息一下，但定好的计划轻易变动，心里很惭愧，后来我还是去跑步了，然后回家做俯卧撑和哑铃，尽管很疲惫，但心里面会好受一些。熬夜，真的得不偿失，下次一定不能再这样了。整个一天，我都萎靡不振，妈妈发微信给我，说现在人少，让我下楼做核酸，其实，什么时候去都可以，我何必非要在自己忙的时候去呢，心里莫名感到烦躁，这个时候，大姐又来找我补单，评价，我要帮她处理，又要做自己手头的事，忽然觉得焦虑，不安，身体和心理都好累，但我又必须挺住。上午的煎熬，终于过去了，吃了午饭，我也补充了能量，在电脑边坐下，我用平板看了一个漫画，现实主义者，原本这个漫画在微信读书上是搜不到电子版的，实体书卖得又挺贵，没想到在微信群里，有个人给我一个搜书的网址，找到了这本书的资源，我下了pdf，然后用微信读书看，真的太棒了。困了，也累了，我也该好好午休一下了。这一次，我是沉沉地睡去，两个多小时，中间没有醒过，可能我做了什么梦，记不清了。
起来洗把脸，吃了一个苹果，不一会儿妈妈起来了，她下午休息了。五点多，我们一起去西门菜地栽辣椒，又摘了一些生菜，莴笋，然后去了东门菜地，我发现前天那场雨过后，菜的长势非常好，一下子大了许多，土豆，生菜，豆角，空心菜，旱藕，辣椒，番茄，莴笋，苋菜，还有远处的南瓜，丝瓜，品种真够齐全的。在菜地里走来走去，就跟在公园里散步一些，亲近大自然，放松心情。我发现附近的路边有许多野豌豆，我上网查了一下，说是可以吃，便摘了一些回来，爸爸看到了，说这个不能吃，有毒，我又详细查了一下，说是苦的，不好吃，还是算了，看来漫山遍野长了那么多，却没有人动它，是有原因的，这东西有没有毒暂且不说，不好吃肯定是真的。
吃过晚饭，已经八点多，加之我觉得今天很疲倦，就没有出门散步，一直坐在电脑边，不是看平板，就是看手机，或者看kindle。那本卡尔维诺的马可瓦尔多，我已经看完了，一年四季轮回 ，一季一个故事，在沟渠里仰望星星 一个小工眼中城市的奇趣与窃喜，马可瓦尔多是位城市小工。在充满着水泥和沥青的城市森林里，他却试图寻找大自然。春天花坛里冒出来的蘑菇，秋天城市上空的候鸟，都能让他那灰色贫乏的世界变得多彩肥沃。他有一双敏锐善感的眼睛，时刻捕捉着四季的变化和都市的隐秘。对他来说，“生命中除了以小时计酬的薪水、额外的工资补助和家庭津贴外，还有某些东西可以期待。”
realist
I go to bed late at night. Sometimes I know it's wrong, but I have to do it. I'm stubborn, as if there's another person living in my heart. Sometimes I'm out of control. People always find all kinds of excuses to deceive themselves and get some comfort. It's ridiculous to think about it. When you can't sleep, it's often not caused by objective reasons, but by your own subjective consciousness. It seems that there is an obsession that you will never stop until you reach your goal. However, when you reach your goal, everything becomes boring again. As Schopenhauer said, life is a pendulum in pain and boredom. If you can't reach your desire, you feel pain, and if you reach your desire, you feel bored.
When I woke up in the morning, it was almost eight o'clock. I thought I could have a rest today, but my plan was easy to change. I was very ashamed. Later, I went running and went home to do push ups and dumbbells. Although I was very tired, I would feel better in my heart. Staying up late iI go to bed late at night. Sometimes I know it's wrong, but I have to do it. I'm stubborn, as if there's another person living in my heart. Sometimes I'm out of control. People always find all kinds of excuses to deceive themselves and get some comfort. It's ridiculous to think about it. When you can't sleep, it's often not caused by objective reasons, but by your own subjective consciousness. It seems that there is an obsession that you will never stop until you reach your goal. However, when you reach your goal, everything becomes boring again. As Schopenhauer said, life is a pendulum in pain and boredom. If you can't reach your desire, you feel pain, and if you reach your desire, you feel bored.
When I woke up in the morning, it was almost eight o'clock. I thought I could have a rest today, but my plan was easy to change. I was very ashamed. Later, I went running and went home to do push ups and dumbbells. Although I was very tired, I would feel better in my heart. Staying up late is really not worth the loss. We must not do this again next time. I was depressed all day. My mother sent me a wechat saying that there are few people now, so I can go downstairs for nucleic acid. In fact, I can go whenever I want. Why do I have to go when I'm busy? I felt inexplicably upset. At this time, my eldest sister came to me to make up the order and evaluate the price. I wanted to help her deal with it and do the thing at hand. Suddenly I felt anxious and uneasy. I was very tired physically and mentally, but I had to hold on. The morning's suffering was finally over. After lunch, I also added energy and sat down next to the computer. I read a cartoon on my tablet. Realist, originally, the electronic version of this cartoon could not be found on wechat reading, and the physical book sold very expensive. Unexpectedly, in the wechat group, someone gave me a book search website and found the resources of this book. I downloaded PDF and then read it on wechat. It was really great. Sleepy and tired, I should take a good lunch break. This time, I fell asleep for more than two hours and didn't wake up. Maybe I had some dreams and couldn't remember clearly.
She got up, washed her face and ate an apple. After a while, her mother got up and rested in the afternoon. At more than five o'clock, we went to the west gate vegetable field to plant pepper, picked some lettuce, and then went to the East Gate Vegetable field. I found that after the rain the day before yesterday, the vegetables grew very well and grew a lot at once. Potatoes, lettuce, beans, water spinach, dry lotus root, pepper, tomato, lettuce, amaranth, as well as pumpkin and towel gourd in the distance. The varieties are really complete. Walking around in the vegetable field is like walking in the park, getting close to nature and relaxing. I found a lot of wild peas on the roadside nearby. I checked on the Internet and said it was edible, so I picked some back. My father saw it and said it was inedible and poisonous. I checked it in detail and said it was bitter and not delicious. Forget it. It seems that so many have grown all over the mountains and fields, but no one moved it for a reason. Let's not say whether it is poisonous or not. It must be true that it is not delicious.
I'm tired of walking on the tablet or watching the Kindle at eight o'clock today. I have finished reading the copy of Marcovaldo in Calvino. There are four seasons of reincarnation and a story every season. Looking up at the stars in the ditch, Marcovaldo is a small worker in the city. In the eyes of a small worker, Marcovaldo is a small worker in the city. In the urban forest full of cement and asphalt, he tried to find nature. Mushrooms emerging from flower beds in spring and migratory birds over cities in autumn can make his gray and poor world colorful and fertile. He has a pair of sensitive eyes, always capturing the changes of the four seasons and the secrets of the city. For him, "there is something to look forward to in life in addition to an hourly salary, additional wage subsidies and family allowances."
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