今天上午参加了一个英语角，受到触动，忍不住想记录触动我的东西。说英语的时候通常会有自由和直接的感觉，于是忍不住先用英语写下来。第一次用双语写作，还挺兴奋的。 —— 题记
This morning, I went to an English corner, where people just have free talk in English. However, in the last two hours, we talked mainly about education. We had only six people, with four have children. Every member shared their philosophy and stories about educating their children. Maybe that's because I asked some questions and showed agreement when one member shared something about his children. And every parent, actually, really cares about their children so much and could not help to talk about their children if there's any opportunity.
今天上午参加了一个英语角，是自由聊天的形式。最后两个小时，大家不由自主地聊起了教育。我们有6个人，有4位是有孩子的。每个人都分享了很多他们的育儿理念和小故事。也许是因为某个朋友说起他孩子的事情时，我好奇地问了些问题并且很赞同他的理念。然后其他朋友也纷纷说起了自己如何教育孩子的。每一位做父母的人想必都是如此吧——那么爱孩子，一有机会就总会情不自禁地谈起孩子来。
Amazingly, I found that all of them stick to the philosophy of respecting children's nature, cultivating their self-decilipline and ability to make choices and decisions for themselves. To think further, they themselves all are open-minded people with a growth mindset; they love reading, love communicating with people, love to visit places of the world, and are always ready to know more about the world.
然后我非常惊喜地发现，他们都拥有尊重孩子的天性的教育理念，培养孩子为自己做决定和自我管理的能力。进一步想，他们自己都是思想打开，拥有成长型思维的人；他们都爱读书，喜欢与人交流，喜欢到各处旅行看世界，随时准备着去更多地认识这个世界。
So I couldn't help myself to write down their ideas and stories shared. I value these, because they are not celebrities of the society, such as famous stars or bestseller writers, with too high living conditions far from us ordinary people, but are just common people around you and me, just like you and me. Their stories maybe more illuminating and encouraging to us. What they do and how they think are more practical to us.
于是我忍不住想把他们分享的育儿理念和故事记录下来。觉得这些很有价值，是因为他们不是明星或者畅销书作家之类的社会名流，有着众人遥不可及的生活条件，而是我们身边的普通人，就像你我一样的人。因此他们的故事对于我们来说，更有启发意义。他们如何做的，如何想的，对我们来说更容易实现。
The following will be their ideas and stories I could remember, not only about their children. So we may get a little bit information about how they are living a growing and flourishing life, and get some perception about the relationship between their educating philosophy and their lifestyle.
下面是我能记得的关于他们的想法和故事，不仅仅是关于孩子的。我想介绍一点点信息，关于他们自己是如何在以成长和繁荣的方式生活的，也许我们会发现一点点他们的生活方式与教育理念之间的某种关联。
Member A A businessman from Korea, about 50 years old, has lived in China for years
伙伴A 一位在中国生活了多年的韩国商人，大概50岁
At the beginning, he shared many ideas about how to do business. He proposed that business people/suppliers should go to different cities to talk with various people, then you can get some useful and practical information rather than just sitting in the office searching for information online. That's enlightening for me to develop my own work, even if I am not doing business but working with children. For example, when taking with people in saloons, I get to know more about how parents are thinking about education and what kind of extra courses or activities they may choose for their children.
最开始他分享了很多关于如何做生意的想法。他认为商人、供应商应该到各地去跟不同的人见面交谈，然后会获得某些实用的信息，而不是仅仅坐在办公室里在网上搜索信息。这对于我开展自己的工作也很有启发，虽然我不是个商人而是和孩子一起工作。比如，在沙龙里跟人聊，我就会更多地了解父母们是如何看待教育的，他们会在课外给孩子选择什么样的活动。
This gentleman has two sons, and both of them are in college in Beijing. His two children have been growing happily and have entered college smoothly. Maybe this story could be illuminating for you, if you are in anxiety about your children's education.
这位先生有两个儿子，都在北京读大学。两个孩子都轻松愉快地长大，顺利进入大学。如果你在为孩子的教育而焦虑，也许他的故事会对你有帮助。
Early when the sons were in kindergarten, this father had noticed they were 'in love with' some girl in class. When his little son's 'girl friend' went back to Korea, the son got gloomy for more than one week. He could remember this small specific story and talk with tender tone and smile, which implies he understands and cherishes the pure love in children's world. When in primary school, this father had told his sons that, if they fall in love with any pretty girl, it's good, and they can take their girl friends home to play together. But interestingly, the sons just considered their father as weird, because their mother didn't think it's good to fall in love so early.
在他儿子还在上幼儿园时，这个爸爸就注意到他的儿子在班里有非常"相爱"的女朋友。 他小儿子的"女朋友"后来回韩国了，儿子有一个星期都郁郁寡欢。他记得儿子这样一件具体的小事，并且讲述的时候非常温柔带着微笑，感觉他懂得并且珍视孩子的世界里那种纯真的爱。儿子们上小学的时候他就告诉他们，如果他们爱上了哪个漂亮的女孩，可以邀请她们来家里玩。但很有趣的是，儿子们认为爸爸很奇怪，因为妈妈觉得过早恋爱很不好。
He said he never set requirement his sons in school study, nor sent them to any supplementary classes. Private tutors only came home to support for homework. After finishing homework, the sons could spend their time totally freely on themselves to do anything they like. I think this could give children enough space to develop freely to be themselves. After they went to senior high, the sons themselves decided to study hard, without any reminder or push by the parents, because they themselves wanted to go to colleges and felt the pressure. His philosophy was that children need to practice and are able to make decisions for themselves. For whether to go to college in China or back in Korea, he made his sons choose for themselves, and he would ask their reasons to help them think and decide. But he would give his advice when necessary. For example, he told them to serve in the army before they graduate from college, because it's not as easy to find a job if you haven't any work experience in two years after graduation.
他从不对孩子们的学习设要求，也不给他们报任何补习班，请家教老师也都只是为了辅导他们完成作业。孩子们完成作业之后，就想做什么做什么。我想这样可以给孩子充分的空间让他们自由地长成自己。孩子们上高中的时候自己开始刻苦学习了，因为他们想上大学，自己感到了压力。他的理念是，孩子们需要练习，并且有能力为自己做决定。他问孩子们想回去韩国读大学还是读中国的大学，让他们自己决定，并且会问他们选择的理由。在必要的时候他也会给建议。比如他建议孩子们在读完大学之前去服兵役，因为如果毕业后如果两年内没有工作的经验就不好找工作了。
When we talked about hobbies and persistence, he said his second son didn't do well in study, but the boy loved and was good at painting, so the family supported him to learn painting and to apply art major for college. Then he did very well and entered college successfully. Recently he is organizing an art exhibition of joint universities with art students of Tsinghua University. This father's idea is that, do not worry about your child, but just to know them, it's easy to see what they like and do well in, and support them to develop in this field.
谈到兴趣爱好和坚持的时候，他说到他的小儿子学习不太好，但他喜欢并且也擅长画画，于是他们家就支持孩子学画画，考大学上艺术专业。后来孩子画得很好，也顺利考上大学，最近还在跟清华的艺术生一起办多校联合画展。这个爸爸认为，不要担心孩子，去了解他们就好，他们喜欢什么，擅长什么是很容易看出来的，支持他们在这方面发展就好了。
I think, why he can take it easy is because he has reflected on his own life and had the experience of making life choice for himself. After he finished college, his mother hoped him to work as civil servant or school teacher and to marry a girl of the similar job, because then life would be stable. But he thought the life path almost everyone was chasing as quite boring; he tried to seek more possibilities and choices for life. So he came to China for business and lived a life he could enjoy very much.
我想，他能想得这么轻松的原因是，他反思过自己的生活，有过为自己做选择的经历。大学毕业的时候，他的母亲希望他去当公务员或者学校老师，娶个公务员或者老师当老婆，因为这样生活会比较稳定。但他觉得所有的人好像都这样生活，好像只有这一种单调的选择，而他想寻找生活更多的可能性，更多的选择。于是他来到中国做生意，过上了自己惬意的生活。
He has the awareness that, parents always would like to give their children what they think is good, including himself. He hoped his sons could have diverse choices for life, so he asked them to choose colleges between Korean and China.
But in my view, the point is that, he has been supporting his children to be themselves, with little intervention.
他有觉知，父母总会想给孩子他们认为好的东西，他自己也不例外。他希望孩子们对生活可以有多种不同的选择，所以他让他们选择在韩国还是中国读大学。
而在我看来，重要的是，他一直在支持孩子们成为自己，极少干涉。
Member B A graceful lady, nearly 40, with two twin daughters of 11
伙伴B 一位优雅的女士，将近40岁，有一对11岁的双胞胎女儿
She quitted her job two years ago, and started to live in an enjoyable way, to try many things she had been longing for but never did. Except for taking care of her daughters, she takes part in diverse activities to meet new friends, go to see old friends, go to English corners, and has started to draw even though she never learned how to draw.
两年前她辞了工作，开始以想要的方式生活，尝试许多一直想做但从没做过的事情。除了照顾女儿，她参加很多活动接触新朋友，与老朋友见面，参加英语角，开始画画，虽然从没学过。
She had never cooked before either, but started to learn cooking two month ago. Every morning, she gets up at 6, and spend half an hour to cook for her family. She shared with us the pictures of breakfast she made, really beautiful and attractive. She seldom wore make-up before she quitted job, but started to wear make-up after that, and her workmates all said she changed a lot.
从前也没有做过饭，两个月前开始学做饭。每天早上6点起床，花半个小时为家人做早餐。她给我们看手机里早餐的照片，非常漂亮诱人。上班的时候她没怎么画过妆，辞职后却开始化妆，以前的同事都觉得她变了个人。
There was a girl who just graduated form college, hoping to improve spoken English for a job in England. This lady encouraged her with her own experience. Until last year, she nearly had opened her mouth for English. She aspired to speak English, so she persisted to go to an English corner in her residence community. Now, after one year, even though neither very fluent, nor with many high level expressions, she could communicate in English naturally and calmly.
She said, "I want to live my life positively, to be a model for my daughters." She spoke everything in quite a mild and peaceful way, rather than too stimulated. This really impressed me.
英语角有个刚大学毕业的女生希望提高英语之后去开始在英国的一份工作。这位女士分享自己的亲身经历来鼓励她。去年之前她几乎从没开口说过英语，但她很希望会说英语，于是坚持去参加小区里的英语角。现在，一年过后，即使说得不太流利，也不会用很多高级的表达方式，但她能够很自如镇定地用英语跟人交谈了。
她说，"我想积极地生活，做我女儿的榜样。"她说什么的时候都是非常温和、平和的状态，而不是过于亢奋。这真的让我印象特别深刻。
For her daughters, she also told them, if any of them would like to commit in a relationship with a boy, they are free and she will be happy to let them take their boy friends home to play. Because she read from some experts that, children are more curious about what they are forbidden to do, so the more parents inhibit children's affection, the more energy they will put in it, secretly. Instead, if you allow them and trust them, they spend little energy to revolt, or they may take less interest in affairs of love.
她也跟自己的女儿说，如果想跟哪个男孩子谈恋爱的话就可以谈，邀请他们来家里玩她也会很开心。因为她曾看专家写的文说，孩子总是会对于被禁止做的事情更加好奇，父母越是不准谈恋爱他们就越会偷偷地花很多精力。如果允许他们谈恋爱，信任他们，他们反而不用花精力逆反父母，或者就对恋爱不那么感兴趣了。
She also let her children choose hobbies by themselves, to explore what they want to do in the future. They quitted dancing, she thought that's OK, because they couldn't enjoy it. Then the twins chose painting, which they love and do well in. She insists them to persist learning, because they are good at this, even if they finally found painting is not what they really are really passionate in, or they may fail to recognize what they really love to do, they could still get a skill to count on for life. She got a friend who takes children to travel in summer and winter vocation every year, to let children see and experience the world, and then she decided to do the same.
她也让孩子们自己选择兴趣爱好，探索自己将来要做什么。孩子们放弃了学跳舞，她觉得很OK，因为她们根本就不喜欢跳舞。然后她们选择了学画画，那是她们喜欢并且擅长的。她要求孩子们坚持学下去，因为这是她们擅长的，及时最后发现画画并不是她们真正热爱的事情，或者也没有找到真正热爱的事，那然而画画已经变成了一技之长，可以作为谋生的工具。她遇到一个朋友，每年寒假、暑假都会带孩子出去旅游看世界，然后决定以后也要这么做。
Member C Starter of the Cafe, about 40, with two daughters of 11 and x
伙伴C 咖啡馆的发起人，40岁左右，有两个女儿
Though she didn't talked too much about her daughters, I would like to share something about this wise lady.
虽然这位女士没有聊太多她的女儿，但我依然想要分享一些关于她的事情。
She started this cafe not to sell cafes, but to provide a place for people to communicate, to promote each other, because she really cherishes this original function of cafes in Europe. I appreciate that she usually can see things in different aspects. Last time when we talked, I was inspired by her ideas of 'International vision' and 'to commit in things that'll be the trend of the world'. She started this English corner and hoped to communicate thoughts with people, as well as to improve her oral English. She felt somewhat hesitated because she didn't think she could speak English well, but she just started, and persisted for one year. I admire her action and persistence.
她开这家咖啡馆的目的不是为了卖咖啡，而是想要提供一个可以让人们互相交流，互相促进的场所，因为她觉得咖啡馆最初在欧洲兴起时的这个功能特别值得被保留发扬。我也很欣赏她常常能从不同的角度思考问题。上次聊的时候，她谈到的"国际视野"和"做附和世界发展趋势的事情"就对我非常有启发。她发起这个英语角，希望跟人交流思想，同时提升口语。一开始有点犹豫，觉得自己的口语不好，但她只是开始做，到现在坚持了一年。我很敬佩这份行动和坚持。
Today what she shared included an interesting small story about her 11 year old daughter. She herself felt somehow regretful that she was not taught by her mother how to primp, so she choose not to prevent her daughter when she tried to put efforts in dressing up. As young as 11, her daughter had her hair curled fashionably, and often enjoys looking at herself in the mirror, asking mother, 'Look, how beautiful I am'. She humorously imitated how her daughter looked in the mirror, and said, 'It's great for her to be so confident since very young'. This lovely moment was printed in my heart.
今天她的分享里有一件关于她11岁的女儿的趣事。小时候她自己的妈妈没有教过她如何打扮，为此有点小遗憾，于是她女儿常常臭美打扮的时候她从不去制止。才11岁，这孩子就开始烫头发，还常常照着镜子很陶醉，说"看，我真美"。她很幽默地模仿孩子照镜子的样子，说，"从小就这么自信是挺好的事儿"。这一刻的画面留在我心里好鲜活。
Member D A businessman about 40, with two daughters of 11 and 2
伙伴D 商人，40岁左右，有两个女儿
He runs business in Qingdao, and his family are in Changchun. Every evening he concentrates on reading for three hours, and he shared with us an article he just read in the morning to motivate people for a happy life with self-discipline. I thought the information he shared is a great reminder for me on how to spend my energy more efficiently, because I am longing for reading so many books.
他自己在青岛经营公司，家人在长春生活。每天晚上他会专注地读书3个小时。很有激情地跟我们分享了早上刚读的一篇关于如何过幸福的有自律的生活的文章。我想他分享的那些点对于我如何更好地分配精力是很好的提醒，因为我一直期待读很多书。
He shared that, parents don't have to take exam scores too important, while it's more important to cultivate children's skills for real life, such as communicating and making choices. He totally let his elder daughter manage her study on her own, because when he was young he totally managed himself. Since his daughter was born, her mother started to read books for her every night. Now she loves reading so much and every night before sleeping she has to read. Besides reading, he also takes his daughter to travel in different places of the world. They lived in Shenzhen for several years. After they went to Thailand, the daughter thought Shenzhen is much better than Thailand. This father said, she got her own idea according to her own experience.
他说，父母不需要把孩子的考试成绩看得太重，而更重要的是培养孩子面对实际生活的能力，比如沟通能力、做选择的能力。他完全放手让女儿管理自己的学习，因为他小时候就是这样。从女儿刚出生开始，妈妈就每天晚上给她读书听。现在她非常喜欢看书，每天晚上入睡前都捧着书看。除了读书，他也带女儿到处旅行。他们在深圳生活过几年，去了泰国之后，女儿觉得深圳比泰国好，他觉得这是女儿自己观察体验过自己得出的结论。
These are the people and stories that impressed me this morning. In my opinion, these adults are ordinary people, but are living their life in a very positive and flourishing way, pursuing real happiness, and always opening their mind to the world, trying to be themselves, so they open their mind to their children and are leading them to become themselves, to live a free and flourishing life.
They can be so close to happiness, so can you, so can I.
这些是今天上午令我印象深刻的人和故事。在我看来，他们是生活里和你我一样的普通人，但在以一种非常积极和繁荣生长的方式，追求着真正的幸福，总是以开放的思维迎接世界，试着做自己，因此他们也对孩子保持开放的心态，引领孩子长成为自己，过自由和繁荣的生活。
他们可以如此接近幸福，那么你我也可以。
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