They walked up the road together to the old man's shack and went in through its open door. The old man leaned the mast with its wrapped sail against the wall and the boy put the box and the other gear beside it. The mast was nearly as long as the one room of the shack. The shack was made of the tough bud-shields of the royal palm which are called guano and in it there was a bed, a table, one chair, and a place on the dirt floor to cook with charcoal. On the brown walls of the flattened, overlapping leaves of the sturdy fibered guano there was a picture in color of the Sacred Heart of Jesus and another of the Virgin of Cobre. These were relics of his wife. Once there had been a tinted photograph of his wife on the wall but he had taken it down because it made him too lonely to see it and it was on the shelf in the corner under his clean shirt.
一版:
他们一起走在路上走到老人的小棚屋,门开着,他们走了进去。老人把桅杆倾斜,让它的卷帆靠着墙,男孩把箱子放好,把其它工具也放进去。桅杆和棚屋里的一间屋子差不多长。棚屋是用皇家棕榈牢固的芽翼做的,它被称作海鸟粪,屋里有一张床、一张桌子、一张椅子,脏地板还有一块放木炭煮饭的地方。棕色的墙上,坚固的有纤维的海鸟粪扁平重叠的叶子那里,有一幅《耶稣圣心》和一幅《库伯瑞处女》画。这些是他妻子的遗物。墙上那里曾经有一幅他妻子的彩色照片,但他把他拿下来,因为看到它会使他很孤单,它在衣服角柜里,在他干净的衬衫下。
二改:
他们一起走回老人的棚屋,门敞开着,他们走了进去。老人把桅杆斜着放,让它的卷帆靠着墙,孩子把箱子放好,其它工具也在里面。桅杆和棚屋里的一间屋子差不多长。棚屋是用一种被称作海鸟粪的皇家棕榈牢固的芽翼做的,屋里有一张床、一张桌子、一把椅子,脏脏的地上有一块地方用来摆炭烧饭。棕色的墙上,坚固纤维状的海鸟粪扁平重叠的叶子那里,有一幅《耶稣圣心》彩画和一幅《库伯瑞处女》画。这些是他妻子的遗物。墙上曾经有一张他妻子的彩色照片,但他把它拿下来,因为看到会让他觉得孤单,它就躺在衣柜角落他干净的衬衫下。
张:
他们一同沿着路走上去,来到老人的小屋里,门开着,他们走进去。老人把那裹着布帆的桅杆倚在墙上,孩子把箱子和其他的工具搁在旁边。桅杆差不多有小屋里唯一的这间房一样长。小屋是用一种棕树结实的嫩叶造成的。小屋里有一张床,一张桌子,一张椅子,泥地上有一个地方可以用炭来烧饭。纤维坚强的棕树叶子,压扁摊平了,组成棕色的墙,墙上挂着一张基督圣心的彩色画,还有一张是考伯的圣处女。这些都是他的妻子的遗物。从前有一张他的妻的着色照片挂在墙上,但是他把它拿下来了,因为看着它使他太寂寞,现在它在墙角的木架上,在他的干净衬衫底下。
walked up the road together 张译出“沿着路”,佳。
beside it 意“放在旁边”,而非“在里面”
the one room 而不是 one room
which are called guano 被删去未译,余采取音译“瓜诺”
余“一处地方”。
“考伯的圣处女”需有宗教背景知识。
too lonely 的 too 漏译了
one the shelf in the corner 意指墙角的衣柜,而非衣柜的角落。
余:
他们一同走到老人的小屋,从敞开的门口进去。老人把卷着布帆的船桅靠在墙上,男孩就把箱子和别的渔具放在桅边。那船桅几乎和小屋仅有的一个房间一样长。小屋用一种叫做“瓜诺”的白干棕护心韧皮盖成,内有一床、一桌、一椅,污秽的地板上还有一处地方,供炭炊之用。纤维结实的瓜诺那扁平而交叠的叶子,编成褐色的墙壁,壁上挂着圣心耶稣的彩色图像,另有一张是科伯的圣母像。这些都是他妻子的遗物。往日壁上曾挂着他妻子的彩色照片,可是他已经将它取下,因为看着照片使他感觉过分的寂寞。如今那照片搁在墙角的架子上,压在他干净的衬衫下面。
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