When the boy came back the old man was asleep in the chair and the sun was down. The boy took the old army blanket off the bed and spread it over the back of the chair and over the old man's shoulders. They were strange shoulders, still powerful although very old, and the neck was still strong too and the creases did not show so much when the old man was asleep and his head fallen forward. His shirt had been patched so many times that it was like the sail and the patches were faded to many different shades by the sun. The old man's head was very old though and with his eyes closed there was no life in his face. The newspaper lay across his knees and the weight of his arm held it there in the evening breeze. He was barefooted.
我译：（二改）
孩子回来时，老人已经坐在椅子上睡着，太阳下山了。孩子从床上拿起老旧的军毯子，盖过椅背，盖在老人肩上。老人的肩膀很稀奇，尽管年迈依旧有力，脖子也仍充满力量，老人熟睡头往前沉时，不会显现出太多皱纹。他的衬衫像船帆一样打过很多次补丁，补丁都已褪色，因为被阳光照射过不同侧面。可是老人的头很老，闭着眼，脸上没有一点点生气。报纸躺在他的膝盖上，晚风吹拂，他用胳膊的力量稳住它。他光着脚。
张译：
孩子回来的时候，老人坐在椅上睡熟了，太阳下去了。孩子把床上那条旧军毯拿起来，摊在椅背上，盖住老人的肩膀。是奇异的肩膀。虽然非常老了，仍旧壮健，颈项也强壮，老人睡熟的时候头向前倾，颈上的绉纹就没有那样明显。他的衬衫已经补过这么许多次，简直和那帆差不多了，补钉被太阳晒得褪成各种不同的颜色。但是老人的头部****是非常衰老的，眼睛一闭着，脸上就没有生命。报纸摊在他的膝盖上，他的手臂把它压牢在那里，不被晚风吹去。他赤着脚。
余译：
男孩回来时，老人已坐在椅上睡去，太阳也已落下。男孩从床上拿起旧军毯，铺在椅背上，盖着老人的两肩。他的两肩很怪，虽已垂老，却仍孔武有力；颈项也仍健壮，而且当他垂头睡着的时候，上面的皱纹也不很显著。他的衬衫补过许多次，已经和那船帆相似；补过的地方也因日晒而褪成各种不同的色调。可是老人的头部已极苍老，只要闭上眼睛，脸上便毫无生气。报纸横摊在他的膝盖上，在傍晚的微风里给他的手臂压着。他赤着两脚。
对比：
我张遵循打死不重复原则翻译了第一句话。
spread it over 用“摊”最好，“铺”更像水平方向的动作，“盖”不够接近 spread.
张直译“是奇异的肩膀”，我余依中文习惯加了主语。
the creases did not show so much 张余翻译成一种结果性结论，我译成一种情景里的动作，更喜欢自己译的。
like 的新译法：“简直和...差不多了”、“已经和...相似”，张余译时用“简直”、“已经”加重了情感色彩。
“补过的地方也因日晒而褪成各种不同的色调”，余的译法很精炼。
“老人的头很老”听起来就很一般，用双字词语可以救场。“头”->“头部”、“老”->“衰老”。“衰老”好于“苍老”，“苍老”令人想起白色，整个头部不会是白色。
“with his eyes closed there was no life in his face” 张余译成即时动作，我的更平铺直述；论生机，张余更胜。
no life 被张直译成“没有生命”，反倒比“生气”、“生机”都更新鲜。我第一反应译为“生机”，觉得平庸改译“生气”，有进步。
“摊”即可，“横摊”添个“横”字不很必要。我用的“躺”觉得也不错。
“给他的手臂压着”，余译法也新鲜。
“他赤着两脚”，余添了“两”，我原有考虑，但觉得不必。
shades 张余译成“颜色”、“色调”，参考英文意后，觉得“色调”更合适些。
with his eyes closed there was no life in his face -- 不知在英文原意里是否就带有这种即刻的感觉。
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