The key communication skill to build close relationships between people calls for compassionate listening . Marilyn Wedge, a family psychotherapist, has issued an article on Psychology Today 《今日心理学》 , offering five advice for being a good listener.
First, don't try to solve problems or make suggestions unless specifically requested. Sometimes others complain to you, merely hoping that someone will listen to their feelings. It's a natural instinct for us to help our friends provide instant solutions, but it may turns out that your advice may not be what they urgently want. This advice is particularly important for men, who are frequently problem solvers.
Second, be patient and don't feel impatient if your friend can't immediately tell you how he feels. Many times, people need some time to convey their feelings. Your silence and patience will conduce to help each other overcome psychological barriers so that your friend can express his feelings better.
Third,do not maintain defensive posture or feel attacked when the other expresses feelings related to you. Providing the other party a safe space to express themselves, in this case the other side will express his ideas better. After he has finished speaking, you can speak out your own opinion.
Fourth, use reflective listening. Reflective listening means that when the other person has finished saying something, you make a summary so that the other person can continue to make things clear. This technique allows the other person to feel your understanding and concern. When you say, "I know you're feeling hurt right now" or "I understand it's a tough time for you," you're encouraged the other side to tell you more. But if you say, "I can't understand why you're doing this" or "it doesn't make sense to me," your friend will feel deeply traumatized （深受打击）.
Fifth, if your friend is hurt, please show sympathy（同理心）, but don't pity the other party. Compassion will make you look superior to others, which will make it difficult for you to communicate with each other.
These are five compassionate listening skills that I hope will help you.
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