(作者英语功底尚可，但语感一般，有些中式英语和基本表达问题。)
根据真实经历改编：
It was 9 o’clock （为什么不好？很简单，时间在这里并不是关键因素，所以没有必要用强调句结构，如果这样用了，就意味着这个时间有用，否则直接写 at 9 o'clock）in the morning when I arrived in Beijing. There were too many people (为什么不好，too描述了一种主观情绪，这里应该是客观描述 there were so many people that)around (chinglish)and it took me over twenty minutes to find the bus stop.
我到达北京时已经早上9点。周围的人太多了，我花了20多分钟才找到车站。
I came to Beijing(信息重复，这是中文的思维习惯) to visit my sister Cathy, who went there tree years ago. （这里那里分不清，应该是 came here）She was a dancer and worked for a small company. (什么样的公司需要dancer？work一词多余，给人的感觉像是打零工)Cathy was so nice and I really enjoyed spending time with her.（这个句子最好重写一下，因为没有必要交换主语，前面用she 后面用I）
我来北京是为了看我的姐姐Cathy，她三年前去的北京。她在一家小公司上班，是一名舞者。Cathy人很好，我很喜欢和她呆在一起。
“Hey sister, can you hear me? ”I called Cathy,“ I’m now waiting for the next bus. （next 多余）And I’ll get to （be in）Xi’dan within an hour.”
“姐，听得到吗？”我给她打了个电话，“我现在在等车，一小时之内应该能到西单。”
“Okay, call me when you arrive.”
“好的，到了打我电话。”
I waited for a very long time and started getting bored. So I looked around and then (多余)I saw a tall women with long hair walking to me.
我等了很长时间，感觉有点无聊。环顾四周，看到一个高个子长发女人朝我走来。
“Excuse me, I am so sorry to bother you. But I just lost my wallet and I don’t have enough money to buy a ticket,” she said,“Can you lend me some?”
“不好意思打扰一下，我刚刚钱包丢了，身上的钱不够买火车票，你能借我一点吗？”她说。
She looked so (多余)worried and helpless.
她看起来焦急又无助。
“How much do you need?”
“你需要多少呢？”
“About one hundred yuan, and I will give (it) back to you tomorrow.”(最好说 pay you back)
“大概100块，我明天会还给你。”
“Don’t worry, ” (That's Okay.) I opened my wallet and took out one hundred yuan (a banknote).
“没事儿，”我打开钱包，拿出100元。
“Thank you so much!” She took the money and promised again that she would give it back.I gave her my phone number so she can call me later. (重复)
“谢谢你啊！” 她拿着钱，再次保证会还给我。我把电话号码给她，以便之后联系。
“You must be cheated,” （这个句子中式英语味很浓。这个句子表揣测，这里应该是一个实意判断。 you were ripped off.）my sister said after hearing it,（指代不明）“There are so many cheaters （cheats最好说swindlers，虽然是个生词，但比较准确）around the train station（结合上下文，说成in the neighborhood）, you shouldn’t trust them.” (you shouldn't have trusted them.)
“你肯定被骗了，” 听说这件事之后，我姐姐说道，“火车站周围骗子太多了，你不应该相信他们。”
“(But)What if they really need help?”
“如果他们是真的需要帮助呢？”
“Well, then I don’t know what to say.” She said, “ Listen, there is too much you need to learn, (for you to learn), (my) dear.”
“呃，那我不知道说什么了，” 她说，“听着亲爱的，你要学的东西太多了。”
“But there are also too many people who need help.”
“但需要帮助的人也有很多阿。”
However，the fact is that maybe my sister is right. (It turned out that Cathy was right) (as)The woman never calls(called) me after I helped her.
然而，事实证明我姐姐可能是对的。那个女的在我帮助她之后再没联系我。
I feel (felt)so sad about it but there is one thing I’ve learned from this experience：(lesson)
我对此感到无比伤心，但是从这次经历中我学到了一件事：
(while)It’s right that we want to help others,(for us to be kind-hearted) but sometimes we wshould we(need) to be wiser and think more.
乐于助人的想法是正确的，但有时我们要机智一点，多思考一点。
What will (would) you do if you were me?(you had been in my position)
如果你是我，你会怎么做呢？
作者：但求一隅偏安
链接：https://www.jianshu.com/p/43f6fd321048
来源：简书
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