【今日听力材料阅读】

话题：如何一直在争论中获胜

How To ALWAYS Win an Argument

We have all been in an argument that seems like it's going nowhere.

我们似乎都遇到过，没有结果的争论。

We believe that we are right.They believe that they're right. And no matter how much you talk to each other, it just seems like you're never going to come to a conclusion.

我们双方都认为彼此都是对的。但是不管我们如何去沟通，好像都不能产生一个结果。

So in this video, I'm going to go over exactly how to have an argument, and I'm gonna share with you the five things that you need to understand.

男性需要理解的五方面的事情——

Let's start with an example that I think everyone can relate to.

Let's say you have a girlfriend who is always late, and you want to change this. You may have brought it up subtly before, and you may have said stuff like, oh you're late again, or it would be nice if you would come on time. But for some reason, she does not get the hint.

举个例子，如果我们的女朋友总是迟到，你想改变这种状态。你曾经不止一次的暗示这方面的问题，但是因为某些原因，女朋友并不能理解你的暗示。

The first thing you want to do is clarify what you want within yourself. 首先要做的第一件事情就是，要弄清楚自己真正需要的是什么？

So in this example, we could say something like this.What I want is for my girlfriend to be reliable. I'm tired of being let down by her when she makes commitments that I depend on.

我希望我的女朋友能够可靠点，当他总是依赖我时，这让我逐渐感到厌倦。

The next thing you want to do is clarify what you don't want. 接下来你需要做的就是陈明，你所不愿意的事情。

What I don't want is to have a useless and heated conversation that does not lead to change.

我们都不希望产生一个没有意义或者让人憎恶，并且不能带来任何改变和果效的争论。

When you clarify what you want, it will allow your brain to be focused on that outcome.

当你明确你的需求，你的大脑就会集中注意在你的需求上。

And it will reduce the chances that you will get sidetracked by unproductive arguing, which is common when you have a discussion with someone.

当我们跟别人争论不休的时候，就不会容易跑题。

The next thing you need to do is: ask yourself an "And" question. How can I have a candid conversation with my girlfriend about being more dependable? 接下来你需要做的就是，问这样一个问题：如何跟我的女朋友坦诚的讨论一些更加有可靠性的问题呢？

And avoid creating bad feelings and wasting both of our time. One of the best ways to avoid creating bad feelings is to be sure to establish a safe talking environment and to make sure that the other person does not feel attacked or judged for what he or she is doing.避免产生不良感觉的方法之一，就是建立一个安全舒适的谈话环境，也要保证你的措辞，不会让对方感觉到受到了冲击或者批判。

This is something that I personally had a really hard time with, in my own life. I'm someone who can be very intense, and sometimes, my intensity can be misinterpreted as anger.

“有时候我们对敏感可能会被误解为愤怒。”

So I've had to learn how to be sure that the other person does not feel attacked when I am speaking my mind.

In order to do this, you need to use something calledcontrasting statements. “换位思考”

So you would say something like,

我们可以这样跟对方交流：

I don't want you to think that I'm trying to make you out to be a bad person who does not care about my feelings or my time.

我不想让你觉得在我的印象中，你是一个不考虑我的情绪和我的时间观念的一个这样不好的人，

I know that you care about me and my time, but it's important to me for you to be on time when we organize a date.

我知道你很关心我，以及关心我的时间观念。但是在我们约会的时候，对我来说，你的守时，我很重视。

If you can be more attentive to that, I would really appreciate it.

When you speak like this, you are communicating in a safe and friendly way that lets her know your feelings, but it also does not put her down.

When you get the other person to understand that talking about something will help them too, you are no longer having an argument. You are just talking about how you can make the relationship better, which is something everybody wants.

当你试图让对方去理解你们之间的谈话，不再是一个争论，而是让你们的关系变得更好的。这便是我们双方的共同需求。

Changing the dynamic of the discussion from it's me versus you, to we are all on the same team, will allow for much more open conversation. So let's have a quick review of the five concepts.

改变谈话的方向：从我对你说，那我们双方是在共同讨论一个问题，这样的方法去沟通，便于我们之间谈论更多开放性的问题。