为方便家长们学到最原汁原味的正面管教知识，我从国外找来一些正面管教资料。以下为正面管教英文站的译文（注：本人英文水平有限，以下内容是谷歌在线直译得来的，欢迎英语水平好的家长校正，我只是知识里的搬运工），更多详细的内容可以参考早期学习正面管教网友分享的正面管教揭密内容。

正面管教：击打和打屁股

我工作中最有价值的部分是听到那些在生活中发现它如此令人鼓舞的人的回忆。 当Tiana打电话给订单时，我恰巧正在回答正面管教电话。 她分享了她对正面管教有多激动，因此我鼓励她参加为期两天的研讨会 ，教育育儿正面管教方式，这样她就可以学到更多，并教别人。 Tiana对这个想法很兴奋。 我问她是否也愿意写下她说的一些事情，这样我才能分享她对别人的热情。 想象一下，当我从Tiana收到以下内容时，我感到高兴。

亲爱的简，

我一直都知道我从来不想打屁股或“放下”我的孩子，但我不确定如何以任何其他方式进行纪律处分。 我询问了所有我认识资源的人，最后我的牧师的妻子告诉了我你的书。 标题说明了一切。 我等不及指导，解决方案和其他选择。 我有一个两岁的男孩，对我来说，没有什么比帮助他发展成一个健康，自立，善良，善于自己和他人的人更重要。 我知道我所说的每一句话，我脸上和身上所呈现的每一个表情，都在创造这个小人物将会是谁。

我住在密西西比州的南部，那里是“饶恕竿子/捣蛋”。 随着劳森成长并开始需要指导，我感到非常沮丧，失去了如何处理打击等事情。 读完你的书后，我感到平静，是一种平静和希望。 我现在有方向。 家里的事情好多了，我希望所有的孩子都让父母知道你的积极方式。 世界肯定会是一个更好的地方。 我迫不及待想要更多地参与学习并可能教别人。 简，你是父母和大多数孩子的真正礼物。 感谢您在教育我们父母方面所做的辛勤工作。

真诚的，天娜

谢谢你，天啊，

我决定分享Jane Nelsen和Lynn Lott关于正面管理AZ的摘录，因此其他人可以了解Tiana发现如此有用的内容 - 因此其他人可以体验本书提供非惩罚性解决方案的格式对于您能想到的几乎所有行为挑战。

击打和打屁股

“我已经尝试了所有我能想到的东西让我的孩子不再打她的小弟弟。有时她会打我。这真让我生气。惩罚似乎没有用。我打她打她，说她很抱歉，但第二天她再次打。“

了解你的孩子，你自己和情况

我们怎样才能教育我们的孩子，当我们不断伤害他人时伤害他人是不是可以的？ 我们想起了一幅描绘一位母亲打孩子的卡通片，同时说：“我会教你不要打一个比你小的人。” 当孩子们受伤时，他们的感受可能会受到伤害。 （孩子们可能因为无法得到他们想要的东西而感到受伤或沮丧 - 现在！）你也可能感到受伤和沮丧，因为你希望你的孩子尊重他人，甚至可能担心孩子的行为是一种反映作为父母。 也许你是因为羞耻和尴尬而过度反应和对待你的孩子，试图向周围的其他成年人证明你不会让你的孩子逃脱这种行为。

很可能你的孩子根本没有单词或技能来满足她的需求和抨击（点击）因为她不知道还能做什么。 幼儿在语言和社交技能方面都很缺乏，当他们一起玩耍时，他们很容易变得沮丧。 当他们缺乏表达语言错误的能力时，有时会产生打击和其他类型的攻击。 对幼儿来说，发育是正常的。 在他们准备好学习更有效的沟通方式之前，亲切和坚定地监督和处理幼儿是父母的工作。 如果孩子得到帮助（技能训练）而不是暴力模型（击退），孩子们就会成长。

建议

带着孩子的手说：“打人是不行的。我很抱歉你感到受伤和不安。你可以谈论它，或者你可以打这个枕头，但人们不会打。”

帮助孩子应对愤怒。 （见愤怒的孩子。）

对于四岁以下的孩子，请尝试给他们一个拥抱，然后再将他们从情境中移除。 这模拟了一种有爱的方法，同时向他们展示了击球不好。 拥抱不会加剧不端行为。

你从未真正知道孩子在什么年龄开始理解语言。 因此，即使您认为您的孩子无法理解，也要使用诸如“打击伤害他人。让我们找到您可以做的其他事情”这样的词语。

向孩子们展示他们可以做什么而不是告诉他们不该做什么。 如果您的孩子有打击的模式，请密切监督。 每当她开始打，轻轻地抓住她的手说“好好地抚摸”，同时向她展示如何触摸得很好。

当你的学龄前儿童击中你时，决定你会做什么，而不是试图控制你的孩子。 让她知道，每次她打你，你都会把她放下并离开房间，直到她准备好恭敬地对待你。 在你告诉她这一次之后，没有任何言语。 马上离开。

后来你可能会告诉你的孩子，“那真的很疼”或“这伤害了我的感情。如果我做了些什么来伤害你的感情，我想知道它，所以我可以道歉。当你准备好了，道歉会有所帮助我感觉好多了。“ 不要求或强迫道歉。

提前规划以防止未来出现问题

如果孩子们是口头上的，那么就要花时间进行培训，而不要期望培训会“老化”。 （许多监督是口头儿童的主要育儿工具 - 以及分心和重定向。）帮助她练习轻柔地触摸家庭成员或动物。 告诉你的孩子如何保持温柔并说“Pat，pat”或“人们是为了拥抱，而不是打击。”（参见Booster Thought 2）这并不能消除监督的需要，直到她年龄大到可以理解。

教导口头儿童，感受与行为不同。 感情永远都不好。 他们只是感情。 告诉你的孩子他的感觉还可以，但即使他生气，也不能打别人。 他可以告诉别人，“我很生气，因为我希望________。”帮助孩子集体讨论如何处理对自己和他人尊重的感情。 一种可能性是告诉人们他不喜欢什么。 另一种可能性是，如果他受到不尊重的待遇，他就会离开现场。

让您的孩子参与创建积极超时区域。 告诉她有时我们需要时间冷静下来，直到我们做任何事情之前感觉好些。 不要让她超时，但让她知道，只要她认为这会让她感觉更好，她就可以选择她特别的超时区域。 有时，当她不想使用她特殊的超时区域时，问她是否可以使用它，直到你感觉更好 - 或创建自己的模型并使用它来感觉更好。

寻找方法来鼓励孩子获得无条件的爱，并通过教学技巧帮助他们感到自信和自信。

从未击中您的孩子，表明打击是不可接受的。 如果你犯了一个错误并且打了你的孩子，请使用Three R's of Recovery来道歉，这样你的孩子就知道打击对你来说也是不可接受的。 （见第1部分，第xx页。）

环顾四周，看看有没有办法在没有意识到的情况下伤害你的孩子。 您是否经常将您的孩子送到他或她的房间，经常责骂和批评，在出现问题时挑出孩子？ 如果是这样，你的孩子可能会感到非常痛苦和不安，而击球是一种反击世界的方式。 更加鼓励和积极，并制止伤害行为，看看你是否注意到击球行为的变化。

儿童可以学习的生活技能

孩子们可以知道伤害别人是不可能的。 他们的感情并不坏，他们不是坏人，他们可以帮助找到尊重自己和他人的行为。他们可以了解到他们所做的并不能确定他们是谁。 他们不是坏孩子，因为他们打了，但这种行为是不可接受的。

育儿指针

要意识到不良行为背后的沮丧信念。 一个经常打击的孩子正在经历一个错误的报复目标，他的信念是：“我觉得我不属于自己，而且很重要而且伤害了，所以我想要伤害它。” 当您尊重他们的感受并帮助他们采取适当的行动时，孩子们会感到鼓

许多人使用圣经的箴言“饶恕饶恕孩子”作为打屁股的借口。 圣经学者告诉我们，杆从未被用来打羊。 杆是权威或领导的象征，工作人员或骗子被用来轻轻刺激和引导。 我们的孩子肯定需要温和的指导和刺激，但他们不需要被殴打，打击或羞辱。

不要打你的孩子向旁观者展示你是一个好父母而不是让你的孩子逃避一些事情。 你与孩子的关系对此非常重要。

助推器思想

在她的父母休假期间，奶奶有机会照顾她18个月大的孙女一个星期。 当她感到沮丧时（或者，似乎只是为了它的乐趣），Sage正在养成打击的习惯。 她会打她的奶奶和狗 - 有时候根本没有明显的理由。 奶奶仔细观察了开始的打击，并轻轻地抓住了Sage的手，说道：“很好地抚摸，”同时引导她的手轻轻抚摸她奶奶的脸颊或狗。 不久Sage会开始打击，但首先会看到她的奶奶会说：“很好地接触。”Sage会笑得很开心。 在几天之内，Sage很好地接触而不是击球。 （向孩子展示他们可以做什么而不是告诉他们不该做什么会更有效。）

他：有时候有必要打我的孩子来教他们重要的课程。 例如，我打扫了我两岁的孩子，教她不要跑到街上。

她：在打了你两岁的孩子打电话给她不要在街上跑步之后，你会不让她在一条繁忙的街道上无人看管？

他：嗯，不。

她：为什么不呢？ 如果打屁股教她不要跑到街上，为什么她不能在街上无人看管？ 在你觉得她已经足够好地吸取教训之前，你需要多少次打她？

他：嗯，我不会让她在一条繁忙的街道附近无监督地玩，直到她六七岁。

她：我休息一下。

父母有责任监督处于危险境地的幼儿，直到孩子长大到足以处理这种情况为止。 世界上所有的打屁股都不会教孩子，直到他或她做好发育准备。 同时你可以轻轻地教。 当您带孩子去公园时，请他们查看街道和街道，看看是否有汽车来，并告诉您什么时候过马路是安全的。 尽管如此，在他们六七岁之前，你仍然不会让他们独自去公园。

研究表明，大约85％的12岁以下儿童的父母在受挫时会采取打屁股，但只有8％到10％的人认为这是有尊严或有效的。百分之六十五的人表示他们宁愿通过积极的方法来教导改善行为，但他们不知道如何。 这本书会教你怎样做。

Hitting and Spanking

The most rewarding part of my work is hearing from people who have found it so encouraging in their lives. I just happened to be answering the Positive Discipline phones when Tiana called about an order. She shared how thrilled she was with Positive Discipline, so I encouraged her to take the two-day workshop , Teaching Parenting the Positive Discipline Way, so she could learn even more and teach others. Tiana was excited about the idea. I asked her if she would also be willing to write down some of the things she said so I could share her enthusiasm for others. Imagine my joy when I received the following from Tiana.

Dear Jane,

I always knew I never wanted to spank or "put down" my children, but wasn't really sure how to go about discipline in any other way. I asked about everyone I knew for resources and finally my priest's wife told me about your book. The title said it all. I couldn't wait for guidance, solutions and other options. I have a two year old boy and there is NOTHING more important to me than helping him to develop into a healthy, self-reliant, well mannered person who is loving to himself and others. I knew that every word I said, every expression my face and body displayed to him, was creating who this little person was going to be.

I live in the deep south of Mississippi where "Spare the rod/ Spoil the child" is the way. As Lawson grew and started needing guidance I felt so much frustration, a loss of how to handle such things as hitting. After reading your book I felt peace, a since of calmness & hope. I now had direction. Things are so much better in my household and I just wish all children had parents with the knowledge of your positive ways. The world would for sure be a better place. I can't wait to get more involved in learning and possibly teaching others. Jane, you are a true gift to parents and mostly children. Thank you for all your hard work in educating us parents.

Sincerely, Tiana

Thank you Tiana,

I've decided to share an excerpt from Positive Discipline AZ by Jane Nelsen and Lynn Lott on Hitting, so others can get an idea of what Tiana found so helpful—and so others can experience the format of this book that provides non-punitive solutions for just about every behavior challenge you can think of.

Hitting and Spanking

"I have tried everything I can think of to get my child to stop hitting her little brother. Sometimes she hits me. This really makes me angry. Punishment doesn't seem to work. I have spanked her and made her say she is sorry, but the next day she is hitting again."

Understanding Your Child, Yourself, and the Situation

How are we ever going to teach our children it is not okay to hurt others when we keep hurting them? We are reminded of a cartoon depicting a mother spanking her child while saying, "I'll teach you not to hit someone smaller than you." When children hit, it could be that their feelings are hurt. (Children can feel hurt or frustrated just because they can't get what they want – now!) You probably feel hurt and frustrated, too, because you want your child to treat others respectfully and may even worry that your child's behavior is a reflection on you as a parent. Perhaps you are overreacting and treating your child disrespectfully out of shame and embarrassment, trying to prove to the other adults around that you won't let your child get away with this behavior.

Most likely your child simply doesn't have the words or skills to get her needs met and lashes out (hits) because she doesn't know what else to do. Toddlers are short on both language and social skills, and when they play together they can easily become frustrated. When they lack the ability to express what's wrong in words, hitting and other types of aggression sometimes result. It is developmentally normal for toddlers to hit. It is the parent's job to supervise and handle toddlers kindly and firmly until they are ready to learn more effective ways to communicate. Kids will grow out of it if they get help (skills training) instead of a model of violence (hitting back).

Suggestions

Take the child by the hand and say, "It is not okay to hit people. I'm sorry you are feeling hurt and upset. You can talk about it or you can hit this pillow, but people aren't for hitting."

Help the child deal with the anger. (See Angry Child.)

With children under the age of four, try giving them a hug before removing them from the situation. This models a loving method while showing them that hitting is not okay. Hugging does not reinforce the misbehavior.

You never really know at what age a child begins to understand language. For that reason, use words such as, "Hitting hurts people. Let's find something else you can do," even if you think your child can't understand.

Show children what they can do instead of telling them what not to do. If you have a child that has a pattern of hitting, supervise closely. Every time she starts to hit, gently catch her hand and say, “Touch nicely,” while showing her how to touch nicely.

When your preschooler hits you, decide what you will do instead of trying to control your child. Let her know that every time she hits you, you will put her down and leave the room until she is ready to treat you respectfully. After you have told her this once, follow through without any words. Leave immediately.

Later you might tell your child, "That really hurts" or "That hurts my feelings. If I have done something to hurt your feelings, I would like to know about it so I can apologize. When you are ready, an apology would help me feel better." Do not demand or force an apology.

Planning Ahead to Prevent Future Problems

When children are pre-verbal, take time for training without expecting that the training will “take hold” until they get older. (Lots of supervision is the main parenting tool for pre-verbal children – along with distraction and redirection.) Help her practice touching family members or animals softly. Show your child how to be gentle and say, “Pat, pat,” or “People are for hugging, not hitting.”(See Booster Thought 2 ) This does not eliminate the need for supervision until she is old enough to understand.

Teach verbal children that feelings are different from actions. Feelings are never bad. They are just feelings. Tell your child that what he feels is okay, but it's still not okay to hit others, even if he is angry. He can tell someone, “I'm angry because____and I wish ________.” Help children brainstorm ways to deal with feelings that are respectful to themselves and others. One possibility is to tell people what he doesn't like. Another possibility is for him to leave the scene if he is being treated disrespectfully.

Get your child involved in creating a Positive Time Out area. Teach her that sometimes we need time to calm down until we feel better before doing anything. Don't send her to time out, but let her know that she can choose her special time-out area any time she thinks it will help her feel better. Sometimes, when she doesn't want to use her special time out area, ask her if you can use it until you feel better – or create your own and model using it to feel better.

Find ways to encourage your children with unconditional love and by teaching skills that help them feel capable and confident.

Show that hitting is unacceptable by never hitting your child. If you make a mistake and hit your child, use the Three R's of Recovery to apologize so your child knows hitting is not acceptable for you either. (See Part 1, page xx.)

Look around and see if there are ways you are hurting your child without realizing it. Are you sending your child to his or her room frequently, scolding and criticizing regularly, singling out the child when a problem occurs? If so your child may be feeling really hurt and upset and the hitting is a way to strike back at the world. Be more encouraging and positive and stop the hurtful behaviors and see if you don't notice a change in the hitting behavior.

Life Skills Children Can Learn

Children can learn that it is not okay to hurt others. Their feelings are not bad and they are not bad people, and they can get help to find actions that are respectful to themselves and to others. They can learn that what they do doesn't define who they are. They are not a bad child because they hit, but the behavior is unacceptable.

Parenting Pointers

Be aware of the discouraged belief behind the misbehavior. A child who hits usually is operating from the mistaken goal of revenge with the belief, "I don't feel like I belong and am important and that hurts, so I want to hurt back." Children will feel encouraged when you respect their feelings and help them act appropriately.

Many people use the biblical admonition "spare the rod and spoil the child" as an excuse for spanking. Biblical scholars tell us the rod was never used to hit the sheep. The rod was a symbol of authority or leadership, and the staff or crook was used to gently prod and guide. Our children definitely need gentle guidance and prodding, but they do not need to be beaten, struck, or humiliated.

Don't hit your child to show an onlooker that you are a good parent and not going to allow your child to get away with something. Your relationship with your child is much too important for that.

Booster Thoughts

Grandma had the opportunity to take care of her 18-month-old granddaughter for a week while her parents were on vacation. Sage was developing the habit of hitting when she felt frustrated (or, it seemed, just for the fun of it). She would hit her grandma and the dog – sometimes for no apparent reason at all. Grandma watched closely for the hitting to start and would gently grab Sage's hand and say, “Touch nicely,” while guiding her hand to gently stroke her grandma's cheek or the dog. Soon Sage would start to hit, but would first look at her grandma who would say, “Touch nicely.” Sage would grin and touch nicely. Within a few days, Sage was touching nicely instead of hitting. (It is much more effective to show children what they can do instead of telling them what not to do.)

He: There are times when it is necessary to spank my children to teach them important lessons. For example, I spank my two-year-old to teach her not to run into the street.

She: After you have spanked your two-year-old to teach her not to run in the street, will you let her play unsupervised by a busy street?

He: Well, no.

She: Why not? If the spanking teaches her not to run into the street, why can't she play unsupervised by the street? How many times would you need to spank her before you would feel she has learned the lesson well enough?

He: Well, I wouldn't let her play unsupervised near a busy street until she was six or seven years old.

She: I rest my case.

Parents have the responsibility to supervise young children in dangerous situations until children are old enough to handle that situation. All the spanking in the world won't teach a child until he or she is developmentally ready. Meanwhile you can gently teach. When you take your children to the park, invite them to look up the street and down the street to see if cars are coming and tell you when it is safe to cross the street. Still, still you won't let them go to the park alone until they are six or seven.

Studies show that approximately 85 percent of all parents of children under twelve years old resort to spanking when frustrated, yet only 8 to 10 percent believe that it is dignified or effective. Sixty-five percent say that they would prefer to teach through positive methods to improve behavior, but they don't know how. This book shows you how.

更多详细的内容可以参考早期学习正面管教网友分享的正面管教揭密内容。