Why children need discipline

为什么孩子需要纪律

节选自 supernanny.co.uk

Many parents don’t set - or don't enforce - rules for their kids because they don’t want to be the villain. But setting your child limits is vital for teaching him self-control, and they help your child feel secure.

许多家长不设置——或不执行—— 只因为他们不想成为唱白脸的父母，所以不为孩子立规矩。但是，为孩子设立规范至关重要，这不仅教会他们自我管理，也让孩子获得安全感。

One of the main parent pitfalls, is failing to set rules because you don’t want to be too tough on your kids. Trouble is, this often means parents end up losing control because they’re too soft to enforce boundaries and follow up bad behavior with consequences.

为人父母，最常见的一个坑，就是因为心太软不立规矩。问题在于，无规矩不成方圆，不设限的你渐渐就失去控制，最终“管不住”孩子 （译者：想想我们常常听到的父母怨言，“老人管不住孩子啦”，为什么呢？因为老人不舍得或没有精力去按规矩管教孩子。） 最后的结果——一切将止于你失去管教话语权，孩子有了种种坏习惯......

Few aspects of parenting are as important as discipline. The bottom line is that it helps your child feel secure and determines what kind of person he’ll grow up to be.

还有几个教育孩子的要素，同“纪律”一样重要。其底线都在于帮助孩子获得足够的安全感，并最终决定孩子未来成长为什么样的人。

---

Discipline or punishment?

规矩还是惩戒？

So many parents confuse discipline with punishment and part of Supernanny’s mission is to show parents that managing their kids’ behaviour needn’t be a negative experience. See discipline as a way of teaching your child self-control instead of a way of controlling your child, and you’re well on the way to appreciating that it can be a positive learning experience. Once you’ve helped build that sense of self-control, you’ve effectively taught your child the skill of disciplining himself.

大多数家长总是将管教和惩罚混为一谈，Supernanny（超级保姆，一档孩子管教主题的电视真人秀）的最重要任务就是——让家长理解，管理孩子，无需成为彼此充满负能量的体验。视“纪律”为教会孩子自我管理而不是控制孩子的办法，你将会发现“管教”是正面积极的。一旦你帮助孩子建立的自我控制的意识，你已经教会了孩子自我管理。

---

Why kids need rules

为什么孩子需要规则

Your rules set limits and boundaries for your child that help him think in an orderly way and get along with other kids and adults. They impact on his academic success – think about how the discipline he learns from you is the basis for his behavior at school –

你的规则为孩子设限，帮助他们有序的思考，以及知晓如何同其他孩子和成年人相处。这些会影响他在学业上能否取得成功——他从你这里学会的规范是他在学校的行动准则。

demonstrate that there are consequences to his actions and keep him safe. Helping him stick to the rules will make him way more pleasant to have around and be around and his sense of self-control is a vital skill he can fall back on during his teen years, when making wise decisions may run counter to his desire to rebel.

一贯的行为和良好的结果说明“纪律”才能确保他的安全，帮助他坚持原则才会让他更愉悦的融入人群，融入社会。当他面临选择与青春期叛逆的时候，他自我管理的能力也将成为他不至于行差踏错的重要因素。

Keeping it positive

保持正面积极

If discipline isn’t the same as punishment, that definitely rules out spanking. Although some parents see it as the ideal short, sharp shock - especially if their child is engaging in behavior that risks his safety - using it for day-to-day punishment risks teaching your child that physical aggression is OK. Always keep in mind that you’re aiming to teach your child what behavior is acceptable – not punish him for being bad.

如果行为管理不同于惩罚，那么规则就不是打屁股。尽管有的家长认为打屁股是短期奏效的方法——特别是孩子错误的行为具有一些危险因素的时候，这会让你的孩子认为，身体的攻击与惩罚是可以解决问题的。你需要时刻记住：你的目的是让孩子理解什么行为是OK的，而不是单纯惩罚他的错误。

那么问题来了，究竟该如何设定规则，正面管教呢

Some parents just don’t want to be the bad guy; others let their kids get away with doing what they like when and where they like because they’re afraid saying no will result in a tantrum. Others had harsh discipline meted out to them when they were young and don’t want their kids to feel the way they did. What you have to remember is that you owe it to your child to raise him to be a responsible adult – and teaching him how to behave is a big part of that. How do you do it?

一些父母就不想唱白脸；另一些父母就怕孩子的暴脾气而放任不管；还有一些父母小时候受尽苛刻的管教因而不想自己的孩子感受到那样的不美好。但你需要记住的是，把孩子养育成人，是你的责任，是你该完成的使命，而且教他做人是抚养他成年这个过程中的重要任务。

Don’t see your child as bad

别把孩子看的太糟糕

Instead of coming at discipline from the angle that your child has intentionally done something naughty, try see his acting up as a lapse in judgment. This makes it easier for you to discipline him in a positive way because you’ll be more inclined to focus on teaching him what’s acceptable.

如果你的孩子调皮捣蛋，不是你心目中爱学习的乖宝宝，试着看成他判断有误。这会让你更正面的引导和管教他，因为你会更倾向于专注于告诉他什么是可接受的。

Make his routine consistent

保持一致的作息时间

Set regular times for meals, homework and bedtime. If he knows it’s set in stone that he does something at a particular time, he’s less likely to act up when you tell him to go do it.

设置规定的时间吃饭、作业、睡觉。如果他能充分理解在什么时间做什么事情是板上钉钉的，他就不太可能在该写作业的时候而拒绝完成它。

Don’t make rules he can’t keep

别制定他们无法完成的规则

Be reasonable when it comes to the house rules. Involve your child as much as possible in compiling them and before making each rule, think about whether it’s really necessary and whether you might be effectively setting traps for him by laying down laws he can’t possibly stick to. Make sure your rules are appropriate for his age and accept that you might need to be more flexible as he gets older and needs more independence.

在家里制定合理的规则。让孩子参与到规则制定，衡量规则的必要性，考虑清楚这样的规则他是否能很好的执行。确保你所设定的规范是在他这个年纪的孩子可以接受的，而且孩子越来越大之后，你的规则设置需要更弹性化和独立性。

Consistently enforce consequences

坚决执行

One of the best ways to deter your child from acting up is to show him you - and all his carers - mean business when it comes to consequences – if he thinks you’re a soft touch he won’t have any incentive to follow the rules.

让孩子不调皮捣蛋的最好办法（没有之一）就是让他明白，干了坏事要承担后果。一旦孩子发现你没有严格执行或者执行软着陆，他的行为就会打折扣。

Remove temptation

消除诱惑

Young children have very little self-control, so don’t leave temptation in their way. Let’s face it: if they can reach the snack jar they're sure to raid it half an hour before dinner is ready! Avoid having to discipline them for it by not leaving behavior booby traps in their path – instead create an environment that promotes good behavior.

越小的孩子自控能力越弱，所以不要在他们的视野范围留下诱惑。我们要明白的是，如果他们能找到饼干罐，他们绝对能在晚饭前干掉饼干。避免让他们受到诱惑之后再来管教，而是创造条件和环境帮助他们塑造自我管理的能力。

Watch the dos and don’ts

注意你的用词

Re-frame your discipline vocabulary. For example, instead of saying “Josh, don’t snatch that toy from Cody”, say “It’s Cody’s turn to play with that toy now, Josh”. In this way you’re telling your child what to do instead of constantly telling him what not to do.

重构你的”管理“用词。比如，不要说“Josh，别抢科迪的玩具”，说“现在是该Cody玩玩具，Josh”。这样告诉你的孩子该做什么怎么做，而不是不断告诉他不要做什么。（ The End )

谢谢你  阅读风筝双语

本译文所涉翻译行为已取得著作权人许可，本译文所涉法律后果均由本人承担。本人亦同意简书平台在接获有关著作权人的通知后，删除文章。

本译文仅供个人研习、欣赏语言之用，谢绝任何转载及用于任何商业用途。本译文所涉法律后果均由本人承担。本人同意简书平台在接获有关著作权人的通知后，删除文章。