Week 3 Summary:

这周学习的习惯四“双赢思维”和习惯五“知彼解己”都属人际交往关系中不可或缺的思维环节，受益匪浅。

首先是作者对双赢思维的六个模式的具体解说，让人印象深刻，很多生活中形形色色的人事物忽然间就有了“归类”，而一旦我们自己能够通晓事理的跳出看待这些行为时，对于我们更好的理解他人和释怀自己也有了很大的帮助。至少于我而言，我会尽量在生活工作学习中更主动的提醒自己采用“Think Win/Win or No Deal”来为人处世，而对于那些不愿或者是不能以“双赢思维”思考的人们，也会更加的理解释怀并淡然处之。

习惯五强调的先充分理解对方，而后再寻求自己的获解，这无疑也是对现有的“自我”思维定式的一种敲打。诚如文中所说的，从小到大我们花了很多时间和精力来学习如何说读写，却往往都忽略了聆听的重要性。尤其是现在这个所谓“快餐碎片化”的时代，我们甚至连完整听完对方整句话的耐心都没有，就急不可待的打断或者匆忙回应对方了。这样的交流与沟通方式看似“短时有效”，实际上于对方是不尊重，于自己是无收获无所增长，也就谈不上 Think Win/Win 了。

因此，习惯四的“双赢思维”是敲打了我们的思维定式，而习惯五的“知彼解己”则是警醒了我们的具体行为模式。只有两者知行合一，才是健康高效的人际交往关系。

English Summary:

Based on thorough analysis and comparisons among six paradigms of human interaction, which include Win/Win, Win/Lose, Lose/Win, Lose/Lose, Win, and Win/Win or No Deal, the author reveals the habit 4 "Think Win/Win" is what highly effective people are looking for. It begins with character and moves toward relationships, out of which flow agreements. It is nurtured in an environment where structure and systems are based on Win/Win. And it involves process; we cannot achieve Win/Win ends with Win/Lose or Lose/Win means.

Therefore, it requires us to "seek first to understand, then to be understood", which is habit 5. First, we have to learn empathic listening instead of reading our autobiography into other people's lives; Secondly, we have to pay attention on diagnose before we prescribe; Only by these, we can turn a transactional opportunity into a transformational opportunity. Once we can present our own ideas clearly, specifically, visually, and most important, contextually - in the context of a deep understanding of other people’s paradigms and concerns - we significantly increase the credibility of our ideas.

Words and Expressions:

She gives me the third degree every time I’m away.

third degree, informal: a long and intense period of questioning 疲劳询问，酷刑逼供；
e.g. Most rebellious teenagers can't bear their parents' third degree every time when they are late home.

注意区别表示程度 third-degree, adj [always used before a noun], 1) US, of a crime : of the least serious level : deserving the mildest punishment, 美国刑法重罪（felony）程度，三级最轻，一级最重；2) causing severe injury，三度
e.g. third-degree felony 三级重罪；third-degree burns 三度烧伤

But if I have a habit of showing discourtesy, disrespect, cutting you off, overreacting, ignoring you, becoming arbitrary, betraying your trust, threatening you, or playing little tin god in your life, eventually my Emotional Bank Account is overdrawn.

little tin god, [Idiom] A self important, dictatorial person；自命不凡的人
e.g. My attraction for him waned after he spent the entire evening acting like a little tin god.

Often they develop the basic paradigm that life is a big game, a zero sum game where some win and some lose.

zero sum game, n [singular]: a situation in which one person or group can win something only by causing another person or group to lose it. 零和博弈，又称零和游戏或零和赛局，是博弈论的一个概念，属非合作博弈。零和博弈表示所有博弈方的利益之和为零或一个常数，即一方有所得，其他方必有所失。

We often do this when we’re listening to the constant chatter of a preschool child.

constant, adj, happening all the time or very often over a period of time; constant chatter 喋喋不休
e.g. We are all tired of her constant chatter of her so-called misery past.

* Catch Phrases: *

Integrity includes but goes beyond honesty. 包括但不仅仅

I’ll sweet-talk you to your face and bad-mouth you behind your back. 人前一套，背后一套

When my son Joshua was quite young, he would frequently ask me a soul-searching question. 深思；真挚的自我反省

When I first came across Hammarskjold’s statement, I was working in an organization where there were unclear expectations between the individual who was my right-hand man and myself. 得力助手