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第四章(续)沙漠中的经历-1

第四章(续)沙漠中的经历-1

作者: d393e240ff76 | 来源:发表于2020-09-26 08:41 被阅读0次

    After a hard struggle I have come a piece of the way nearer to you. How hard this struggle was! I had fallen into an undergrowth of doubt, confusion, and scorn. I recognize that I must be alone with my soul. I come with empty hands to you, my soul. What do you want to hear? But my soul spoke to me and said, "If you come to a friend, do you come to talk?" I knew that this should not be so, but it seems to me that I am poor and empty. I would like to sit down near you and at least feel the breath of your animating presence. My way is hot sand. All day long, sandy, dusty paths. My patience is sometimes weak, and once I despaired of myself, as you know.

    1913年12月11日,在经过艰苦卓绝的斗争之后,我离你更近了一点。这场斗争真艰难啊!我已经陷进了怀疑、困惑和蔑视的荆棘丛中。我意识到,我必须和自己的灵魂单独在一起。我的灵魂啊,我两手空空地来到你的面前。(真正的信仰、虔敬、踏踏实实依教奉行、为人演说,就是最好的奉献和供养,哪里还需要其他什么累赘)你想听些什么?但是我的灵魂对我说:“如果你去朋友那里,你想带走些什么吗?”我知道并不应该如此,但是我看上去似乎一贫如洗。我很想坐在你的身旁,至少能够感受到你身上充满生机的气息。我的道路是滚烫的沙漠。整天都是沙尘弥漫的漫长道路。你知道,我有时候失去了耐心,甚至感到绝望。

    My soul answered and said, "You speak to me as if you were a child complaining to its mother. I am not your mother." I do not want to complain, but let me say to you that mine is a long and dusty road. You are to me like a shady tree in the wilderness. I would like to enjoy your shade. But my soul answered, "You are pleasure-seeking. Where is your patience? Your time has not yet run its course. Have you forgotten why you went into the desert?"

    我的灵魂回答说:“你跟我讲话的口吻就像一个孩子在跟自己的母亲抱怨一样。但我不是你的母亲。”我不想去抱怨,但请容许我跟你说,我走过的是一条漫长而又尘土飞扬的路。对我而言,你就像荒漠中一棵阴凉的树。我想要享受你的树荫。但是我的灵魂回答说:“你贪图享乐,你的耐心呢?你的时候还未到。(等待是一种境界,等待是一种喜悦,成就必经的考验。你还需要经受这种“漫长又枯燥”的磨练,不要过早贪图清凉,享乐使你软弱,使你迷惑,失却成就的机会)难道你忘记你为什么要进入沙漠了吗?”

    My faith is weak, my face is blind from all that shimmering blaze of the desert sun. The heat lies on me like lead. Thirst torments me, I dare not think how unendingly long my way is, and above all, I see nothing in front of me. But the soul answered, "You speak as if you have still learned nothing. Can you not wait? Should everything fall into your lap ripe and finished? You are full, yes, you teem with intentions and desirousness! Do you still not know that the way to truth stands open only to those without intentions?"

    我的信念薄弱,沙漠中的阳光晃眼,使我看不到任何东西。高温像铅块一样压在我身上,口渴折磨着我,我不敢想象这条路怎样得漫长无尽,更重要的是,我看不到前方的任何东西。(真正的希望,就在绝望中萌芽生发)但是灵魂说:“你说得就像你依然什么都没有学到。你就不能等待吗?难道一切成熟和完成的东西都会直接落入你的手中吗?你充满了意图和渴望!难道你仍然不知道通往真理的道路只向那些没有意图的人开放?”(我们总是在强调使命,任务,责任,仿佛我们的每一个举动,都有着如此高大上的目标和意义,但是,这些真得有意义吗?这些究竟为了谁?意识所及,无非名利,这是最好的照妖镜,无论怎样伪装,明镜高悬,其中都能显出狐狸的尾巴。一切行人,都有这样那样的意图,无论世间法的五福,还是成佛成圣,如果有具体的指向,都是欲望,都是心魔,都是错谬,都是障碍。出世间法本来不可思议,任何行迹,都是权宜,都是应化,;任何意图,都是妄想,“就是局限”,先要停下来,不如停下来。)

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