As a result of the experience of consistent parental love and caring throughout childhood,such fortunate children will enter adulthood not only with a deep internal sense of their own value but also with a deep internal sense of security.All children are terrified of abandonment,and with good reason.This fear of abandon begins around the age of six months,as soon as the child is able to perceive itself to be an individual,separate from its parents.For with this perception of itself as an individual comes the realization that as an individual it is quite helpless,totally dependent and totally at the mercy of its parents for all forms of sustenance and means of survival.To the child,abandonment by its parents is the equivalent of death. Most parents,even when they are otherwise relatively ignorant or callous,are instinctively sensitive to their children 's fear of abandonment and will therefore,day in and day out ,hundreds and thousands of times,offer their children needed reassurance:"You know Mommy and Daddy aren't going to leave you behind";"Of course Mommy and Daddy will come back to get you ";"Mommy and Daddy aren't going to forget about you ." If these words are matched by deeds,month in and month out,year in and year out,by the time of adolescence the child will have lost the fear of abandonment and in its stead will have a deep inner feeling that the world is a safe place in which to be and protection will be there when it is needed.With this internal sense of the consistent safety of the world,such a child is free to delay gratification of one kind or another,secure in the knowledge that the opportunity for gratification,like home and parents,is always there,available when needed.
由于始终如一的父母之爱和贯穿整个童年的关怀体验的结果，这些幸运的孩子们将在进入成年后不仅具有深刻的内存价值感而且和具有深刻的内在安全感。所有的孩子都害怕被遗弃，而且有充分的理由。对孩子而言，被父母遗弃就相当于死亡。绝大多数父母，即使当他们相对无知或冷酷时，本能地对孩子们害怕遗弃的恐惧感敏感，因此将，日复一日，千百遍，给予他们的孩子们必要的安慰：“你知道妈妈和爸爸不会离开你”；“当然，妈妈和爸爸会回来接你”；“妈妈和爸爸不会忘记你。”如果这些话语和行动一致，月复一月，年复一年，到青春期的时候，这个孩子将会丢掉被遗弃的恐惧感而且代替它将会是一种深深的内在感觉：这个世界是一个安全的地方，在那里当需要保护的时候，保护就在那里。由于这种内在的始终如一的对世界的安全感，这样的一个孩子可以自如的延迟满足从一种到另一种，对获得满足的机会感到安心，就像家和父母，一直在那里，需要时就可获得。
But many are not so fortunate.A substantial number of children actually are abandoned by their parents during childhood,by death,by desertion,by sheer negligence,or,as in the case of the financial analyst,by a simple lack of caring.Others,while not abandoned in fact,fail to receive from their parents the reassurance that they will not be abandoned.There are some parents,for instance,who in their desire to enforce discipline as easily and quickly as possible,will actually use the threat of abandonment,overtly or subtly,to achieve this end.The message they give to their children is:"If you don't do exactly what I want you to do I won't love you any more,and you can figure out for yourself what that might mean." It means,of course,abandoment and death.These parents sacrifice love in their need for control and domination over their children,and their reward is children who are excessively fearful of the future.So it is that these children,abandoned either psychologically or in actuality,enter adulthood lacking any deep sense that the world is a safe and protective place.To the contrary,they perceive the world as dangerous and frightening,and they are not about to forsake any gratification or security in the present for the promise of greater gratification or security in the future,since for them the future seems dubious indeed.
但是很多人没有如此幸运。相当数量的孩子们实际上在童年时期是被他们的父母遗弃的，因为死亡，因为抛弃，因为完全的疏忽，或者，如同那个金融分析师的案例，单纯的因为缺乏关怀。其余的，事实上没有被遗弃，未能从他们的父母那里得到他们不会被遗弃的保证。有些父母，举例说，在他们尽可能容易和迅速的加强管教的欲望中，将在实际上使用用遗弃威胁，公开地或隐晦地，来达到这个目的。他们给到孩子的信息是：“如果你不乖乖听话去做我想让你做的事我将不再爱你，你可以自己弄明白这意味着什么。”它的意思是，当然，遗弃和死亡。这些父母牺牲了爱在他们需要控制和支配他们的孩子们时，因而他们得到的回报是孩子们对未来过于恐惧。因此就是这些孩子们，被遗弃在心理上或实际上，在成年后缺少任何深度感觉，这个世界是一个安全和被保护的地方。相反的，他们觉得这个世界是危险和令人恐惧的，他们不会为了未来更大的满足感或安全感放弃任何即时的满足感或安全感，因为对他们来说未来似乎真的很可疑。
In summary,for children to develop the capacity to delay gratification,it is necessary for them to have self-disciplined role models,a sense of self-worth,and a degree of trust in the safety of their existence.These "possessions" are ideally acquired through the self-discipline and consistent,genuine caring of their parents;they are the most precious gifts of these gifts have not been proffered by one's parents,it is possible to acquire them from other sources,but in that case the process of their acquisition is invariably an uphill struggle,often of lifelong duration and often unsuccessful.
总的来说，让孩子养成延迟满足的能力，他们必须有自律的榜样，有一种自我价值感，以及一定程度的对他们生存安全的信任度。这些“财产”理论上的获得是通过自律和始终如一的坚持，通过来自他们父母的真诚的照顾；它们是来自父母提供的礼物中最贵重的礼物，从其他来源获取它们也是可能的，但是在那样的情况下，他们的获取过程总是艰苦卓绝的斗争，通常终身持续且经常不成功。
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