Singing Snowberg
Chapter Seven
Lost Language <2>
Chros©
“Are you okay? Don’t tell me you got the swoon again,” he’s smiling, obviously, “what’s are you looking at? Of course you’re looking at me but what’s wrong with me? Huh? Hum... okay.” He kneels down beside the bed, consequently I’m blessed with a kiss. Good sweet kiss.
I’m judging this sensation by looking back to see if there’re differences from how was I feel last time. Even back to the origin of kiss. Who invented it? No, it’s instinct. When two people are having sex, face to face, want to get closer, oh it must started from the nose touch. Hum... but nose is stiff, but our tongues are flexible as sensitive for flavours. I try to remember how Devo’s saliva tasted, hum... water, I forgot.
“What are you doing?” I’m sucking his index finger. “This is strange.” This isn’t, it helps me think, about the kiss, but it’s not just simple kiss, because I’ve figured out why. The key word is “sensitive”, people touch each other with their sensitive organs. For instance it must be weird to lick each other’s hair on the head. We cross fingers, cross legs, cross necks cross noses and lips, while the looks in our eyes are unique in conveying intimacy without touching.
Salix’s look isn’t right, I don’t see too much loving, because there’s more that prevails, the sympathy. “Cyano I know this is hard for you, but we have to live on.” “What are you talking about?” “About his leaving.” “Who left?” I’m confused, but I don’t feel good, I must’ve forgot something big. “Devo is dead.” “When?” “A week ago.” He’s avoiding my eyes.
He’s right, if the plant on the desk remains intact. So we arrived late. “I’m okay, he’s just a friend.” Why am I lying to myself? “Let’s go eat something.”
Today is Saturday, I should visit him in the deposit centre to find out. “Do we have his deposit number?” “No, we spread his ash into the ocean. He wanted that way.”
I put some squashed potato on my mouth, “kiss me.” This is how a man to be taught to kiss somebody, but here is public place. He won’t do it anyway. This is how I thought while he approaches me and kisses me on the forehead. Obviously he’s not a Runner anymore. He’s a cleaner just like me.
“Can we go to the seaside?”
The seaside doesn’t looked like what I imagined. Looking out from the window of the Cape Station, everywhere is black. Only the interior has light and heat, perhaps I should change that sentence into: all people need warmth and light. Devo’s wandering in the deep sea somewhere, everywhere that’s dark and cold. I couldn’t imagine how he would like somewhere like that. He wasn’t sure, I suppose. I wasn’t sure, of course. Never imagined he would be secluded into the deep sea. Think about the bright side, think about something beautiful and light, he would’ve wanted to drift to the far tropical sea, Hawaii Thailand Puerto Rico and many places which are warm enough. Different places, people are different from these places, it could be: he just like the dark. I’m not sure, he never showed, I wasn’t sure, of course. He’s a mystery to me, even now I couldn’t remember anything about his mind except that sentence from her grandma. I start to like the mystery, things unanswered.
The glass is reflecting my image, that image is floating above the dark sea, is he cold? He’s the answer for everything, but all he could do is to mimic my gestures, he’s muted, sometimes hides. Now I knew I’ve escaped from that state of his, yet left phantoms like him in every mirror, remind me of the past.
“What do we do now?” Salix asked. “I don’t know.” Let the stories end here. “Could you try to remember? Talk to somebody?” I mustn’t remember, not the right time, not the right place, it should be in my dream or, somewhere beautiful and joyful. Sunder planned all these, I couldn’t get hurt. “Let’s talk to her.” “Who?” “Sunder. That Japanese girl.”
We rode four stations to the Rey Shopping Centre where I brought my player. “Have a look? It’s still early.”
I don’t like crowded places, especially there’re so many lights that I can’t see our shadows. I like the lighting in the bars, huge amount of shadow casted, not like here, I’m feeling naked, exposed. “I don’t feel good.” “They aren’t looking at you, calm down.”
There’s a big store selling foods and beverages. And I see a bottle of mescal in the shelf, the reason I notice it isn’t about how special the package is, but I’ve seen it, that night in Devo’s hands. That shelf is used to display the goods sold exclusively in this store. Devo lied to me, he said he brought from his canteen. Why did he lie? No answers for my question. I could only guess, that he liked me, that he needed company.
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