Heroism

“There is only one heroism in the world: to see the world as it is and to love it.”--Romain Rolland

At the beginning of senior high school. I was ready for a new life confidently. But to my surprise, my grades plummeted dramatically. In a series of tests, my grades were in the bottom of the class.

You can’t image that it was a nightmare for me and cast a cloud on my new life. Because when I was in junior high school, my grades always came to the top of list.

However, it was not the worst situation. The dramatic change of grades had also brought me some criticism and irony from others. My teachers didn’t pay attention to me anymore. Although I couldn’t see the blackboard clearly, the teachers wouldn’t allow me to sit in the front of row of the class called a seat for the top student. When I walked in the corridor of the teaching building, I even heard others’ whispers such as “poor student” and “lagged behind” around me.

There is no doubt that it was a thunderstorm to me. I was overly bleak and I can’t accept this result. At the same time, something were getting more serious. Whenever I sit in the examination room, I would feel too tense and nervous to tremble uncontrollably. Even my stomach would begin to churn so that I had to drop out exam temporarily. In order to relieve my tension, I wanted to the adolescent mental health center for help especially.

You may think it is symptomatic of some neurosis of other. But you’ve never been through a deep depression, I can tell you that it was a very dark place I never want to visit again.

My senior high school is a provincial principal high school, where a vast majority of excellent people were focus on. So I was not outstanding. But it was just a superficial reason why I became like this. In fact, This was one kind of vanity, which covered my eyes.

Because I was excellent in junior high school. I was liked by my teachers and schoolmates. Many students took the initiative to make friends with me although I was very shy. I became complacent after achieving a little and stopped working hard, which led to my failure directly.

Furthermore, praise made me vain. And praise was like a lot of gorgeous decoration, which made me take my own excellence for granted. So I can’t receive failure and anyone made fun of me.

However, you may not think I was an extremely self-abased person. What I mean is that vanity is just the sugar coating of self-abased. My previous successes were rooted in the identification of others.

I didn’t believe in myself at all. So I didn’t set a goal to pursue. I longed for the encouragement of others to diver me forward all the time.

Praise from my parents and teachers would made me have a sense of existence. So I felt that success is my responsibility. I even thought that only when I became excellent, others would be willing to make friends with me. I was afraid of losing the sense of existence, so I always live cautiously. I felt very tired but I can’t stop. I realized that someday people would not approve of me, I would lost right away.

I don’t know how I slowly climb out of this deep whirlpool. I still have not been completely free from the influence of others until now. But at least, I will not feel depress because of their random comments and opinions for me. After such a hard experience, I understand that everyone will face setbacks and get caught up in the moment.

As a saying goes，“There are skies beyond our skies and there are people excellent that ours.” When you confront someone who better than you. You might have a little inferiority complex. But you don’t need to care how other people comment you.

Praise from others can’t help you to achieve success. Similarly, criticism from others also can’t make you fail.  When you run into some barriers in your path, you only rely on yourself to overcome difficulties. What’s more, even whether you will success or fail, there will always someone to tell you that you were wrong.

So here it is, life in its glory and its pain, exciting and ordinary. But life belongs to you. Once you throw in the towel, all bets are off. Throw your inferiority, be yourself, be your own heroine.   

院落

随笔: 课程作业，写得像小学生作文一样，语法错误百出，望有英语大神帮忙修改！谢谢！