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和圈圈一起做回译(2)

和圈圈一起做回译(2)

作者: 很拉风的圈圈 | 来源:发表于2018-11-16 19:44 被阅读8次

    本专题目的:

    1. 亲手动笔翻译,提升英中翻译能力,保持翻译的好习惯。

    2. 定位自身译文薄弱点,有的放矢加以改进

    3. 掌握最纯正地道的中文表达,让自己的译文流畅自然,尽可能摆脱翻译腔。

    4. 适合希望做英中类翻译兼职的同学练习,尤其是社科类

    建议学习步骤:

    1. 通读英文

    2. 译出中文

    3. 比较自己的译文与原文

    4. 整理出原文胜过译文之处,标注错误点

    5. 定期复习反刍

    本篇节选自《2018年政府工作报告》,属于政经社科领域。


    Over the past five years, innovation-driven development has yielded fruitful outcomes. China’s investment in research and development (R&D) has grown at an average annual rate of 11 percent, ranking second in the world in scale. The contribution of technological advances to economic growth has risen from 52.2 to 57.5 percent. In manned spaceflight, deep-water exploration, quantum communications, large aircraft development, and more, China has seen a stream of major outcomes of innovation. In high-speed rail, e-commerce, mobile payments, and the sharing economy, China is leading the world.

    译文:五年来,创新驱动型发展成果丰硕。我国研发投资年均增长速度高达 11%,规模全球第二。 技术进步对经济增长的贡献率从52.2%上升到57.5%。在载人航天、深水勘探、量子通信、大型飞机开发等方面,我国取得了一系列重大创新成果。在高速铁路、电子商务、移动支付和共享经济领域,我国正扮演着引领世界的角色。

    原文:五年来,创新驱动发展成果丰硕。全社会研发投入年均增长11%,规模跃居世界第二位。科技进步贡献率由52.2%提高到57.5%。载人航天、深海探测、量子通信、大飞机等重大创新成果不断涌现。高铁网络、电子商务、移动支付、共享经济等引领世界潮流。

    1. 用词不当:investment 投资——投入

    投资侧重于资金,而投入的意义更广泛,根据上下文来看,显然投入更贴切。

    2. 语句冗长:技术进步对经济增长的贡献率——科技进步贡献率

    3. 语句冗长:

    译文:在载人航天、深水勘探、量子通信、大型飞机开发等方面,我国取得了一系列重大创新成果。

    载人航天、深海探测、量子通信、大飞机等重大创新成果不断涌现。

    两个句子其实意思是一样的。但是原文胜在简洁利落。

    其实,“在……等方面”,“取得了”,“一系列”都是没有实质含义的。而“我国”这个词,其实结合上下文即可知,实在没必要再译出。

    为了让译文尽可能简练,这些都必须删掉。

    其实上一篇文章里我就犯过这个“贴着原文死译”的毛病,到现在还是恶习不改,一定要警惕。

    4. 语句冗长:

    “在高速铁路、电子商务……我国……”跟上文一样的毛病。对自己无力吐槽。

    The Internet Plus model has permeated every industry and every field. Business startups and innovation are thriving all over the country, and the average number of new businesses opened daily has risen from over 5,000 to more than 16,000. Rapidly emerging new growth drivers are reshaping China’s growth model, are profoundly changing the way we live and work, and have become a new hallmark of China’s innovation-driven development.

    译文:“互联网+”模式广泛融入各行各业。全国初创企业欣欣向荣,创新形势一片大好。新注册企业日均数从5,000余家增加至16,000多家。 迅速崛起的新增长动力正在重塑我国增长模式,深刻改变大众生活和工作方式,业已成为中国创新驱动发展的新标志。

    原文:“互联网+”广泛融入各行各业。大众创业、万众创新蓬勃发展,日均新设企业由5千多户增加到1万6千多户。快速崛起的新动能,正在重塑经济增长格局、深刻改变生产生活方式,成为中国创新发展的新标志。

    1. 表达优化:busines startups and innovation……all over the country.可与“大众创业,万众创新”相联系。

    2. 疑问:new growth driver,原文为“新动能”,似乎有点难以理解。

    3. 用词不当:Growth model 增长模式——增长格局。

    4. 表达优化:live and work大众生活和工作方式——生产生活方式。

    5. 定译问题:innovation-driven development 在上一段原文为“创新驱动发展”,此处又为“创新发展”,似乎尚无定译。

    Over the past five years, significant headway has been made in reform andhttp://opening-up.Inreform, we have made strong moves across the board, secured major advances in many areas, and driven deeper in pursuing progress, making breakthroughs in reforms in important fields and key links. Reforms      to streamline administration and delegate powers, improve regulation, and optimize services, have driven profound shifts in the functions of government, and significantly strengthened market dynamism and public creativity. TheBelt and Road Initiative has been making major progress. The composition of both Chinese foreign trade and foreign investment in China has been improved, with volumes ranking among the largest in the world.

    译文:五年来,改革开放成果显著。改革全面发力,多方赢得重大进步,重要领域和关键环节的改革实现突破。 简政放权、改善监管、优化服务,推动政府职能深刻转变,显著增强市场活力与大众创造力。 “一带一路”倡议取得重大进展。对外贸易与在华外资的结构有所改善,规模均位居世界前列。

    原文:五年来,改革开放迈出重大步伐。改革全面发力、多点突破、纵深推进,重要领域和关键环节改革取得突破性进展。简政放权、放管结合、优化服务等改革推动政府职能发生深刻转变,市场活力和社会创造力明显增强。“一带一路”建设成效显著,对外贸易和利用外资结构优化、规模稳居世界前列。

    小结:这一段,比上一段要译得好不少。

    1. 丰富表达:significant progress , major progress, significant headway

    的译法包括:成果显著、成效显著、迈出重大步伐,取得重大进展。

    2. secured major advances in many areas 多点突破,纵深推进,这个回译基本是回不出来的。说实话,光看原文也挺难理解的,遇到了就留个印象好了。improve regulation对应的“放管结合”也只有在中国背景下才有意义。

    Over the past five years, living standards have been constantly improving.We have made decisive progress in the fight against poverty: More than 68 million people have been lifted out of poverty, including a total of 8.3 million relocated from inhospitable areas, and the poverty headcount ratio has dropped from 10.2 to 3.1 percent. Personal income has increased by an annual average of 7.4 percent, outpacing economic growth and creating the world’s largest middle-income group. Tourist departures have grown from 83 million to over 130 million.

    译文:五年来,民众生活水平不断提高。脱贫攻坚战取得决定性进展:超过6800万人脱贫,其中830万人自非宜居地区转移,贫困人口比例从10.2 %下降到3.1 %。个人收入年均增长7.4 %,超过经济增长率,形成全球规模最大的中等收入群体。出境游客人数从8300万增加到逾1.3亿。

    原文:五年来,人民生活持续改善。脱贫攻坚取得决定性进展,贫困人口减少6800多万,易地扶贫搬迁830万人,贫困发生率由10.2%下降到3.1%。居民收入年均增长7.4%、超过经济增速,形成世界上人口最多的中等收入群体。出境旅游人次由8300万增加到1亿3千多万。

    小结:

    1. 吸取之前的教训,我没把“We have made decisive progress in the fight against poverty”这句话翻译成“中国在消除贫困斗争中取得了决定性进展”,而是提取了其中的关键词“decisive progress”和“fight against poverty”,直接组合,结果跟原文高度吻合。

    这样的译法,才是地道的中文。

    2.表达优化:have been lifted out of poverty——“易地扶贫搬迁”

    3. 专业术语:poverty headcount ratio ,原文为“贫困发生率”。

    查了下维基,The Head count ratio (HCR) is the proportion of a population that exists, or lives, below the poverty line.定义不明确。百度搜索结果来看,国内的贫困发生率为贫困人口/农村or农业人口or全部人口,一时间找不到确切的定论。但“贫困发生率”这个专业术语是普遍使用的,可以先记着。

    3. 特定表达:Tourist departures——出境旅游人次

    搜索谷歌得到详细释义: International outbound tourists are the number of departures that people make from their country of usual residence to any other country for any purpose other than a remunerated activity in the country visited.

    Social old-age pension schemes now cover more than 900 million people, and the basic health insurance plans cover 1.35 billion people, forming the largest social safety net in the world. On average, life expectancy has reached 76.7 years. Over 26 million housing units have been rebuilt in rundown urban areas, and more than 17 million dilapidated houses have been renovated in rural areas. Thanks to these efforts, more than one hundred million Chinese have moved into new homes.

    译文:社会养老保障计划现已覆盖9亿多人,基础医疗保险计划覆盖13.5亿人,形成了全球规模最大的社会保障体系。人均预期寿命达到76.7岁。旧城区重建住房2600多万套,农村地区翻新旧房1700多万套。一亿多人顺利迁入新居。

    原文:社会养老保险覆盖9亿多人,基本医疗保险覆盖13.5亿人,织就了世界上最大的社会保障网。人均预期寿命达到76.7岁。棚户区住房改造2600多万套,农村危房改造1700多万户,上亿人喜迁新居。

    1. 特定表达:

    Social old-age pension schemes 社会养老保障计划——社会养老保险

    basic health insurance plans基础医疗保险计划——基本医疗保险

    2. 理解有误:Rundown

    通过http://vocabulary.com查到rundown只有“详细报告”的释义。

    不过旁边的例句中,确实还有“破败”的意思。

    直译可以理解为“破败城区住房改造”,在中国背景下就是“棚户区”了。

    3. 理解有误:dilapidated houses不可以译为“旧房”,明显的错误。

    释义为:old and in poor condition,还含有“破败”的意思,而且比“run down”程度更严重些,国内用法即为“危房”。

    具体可参见:https://forum.wordreference.com/threads/run-down-vs-dilapidated.3223992/

    4. 表达优化:have moved into new homes顺利迁入新居——喜迁新居

    More than one million 一亿多人——上亿人

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