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对于“好父母”的执念,常常让我们纠缠在原生家庭的创伤中,难以走出来。
过去那个小小的孩子,面对父母的苛待,只会觉得是“我不好,父母才对我不好”。
因为对于弱小的孩子来说,“父母不好”这件事意味着安全感的崩塌,所以我们宁愿反省自己,也不敢去质疑父母。
但我们现在长大了,如果还困在“我不好,父母才对我不好”的幻觉里,就很难过上边界清晰的、属于自己的人生。
如何放下这份执念?其实并不简单,但我们可以试着从这两件事入手—— 接受父母的局限性,不要试图去改造他们。
父母的身上,也有属于他们的创伤:穷苦、不安、学识有限、没被好好爱过……
作为孩子,我们未曾参与过他们过去的人生,很难去“修好”他们,把他们变成“应该”有的样子。
承认父母或许没那么爱你,但那又怎么样呢?
不是所有的父母,都是爱孩子的。乍一听这可能很令人难受,但作为成年人,只有接受了这个真相,才能不被父母的一言一行所控制。
毕竟,我们已经从过去幸存下来了。此刻的我们,即使没有父母的支持,也可以去寻找其他滋养自己的关系,去搭建一个社会支持系统。
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