The respectful child: How to teach respect

尊重他人的孩子:如何教导孩子尊重他人

IN THIS ARTICLE/在这篇文章中:
What to expect at this age / 对2岁多的孩子有什么样的预期
What you can do / 你能做什么

What to expect at this age / 对2岁多的孩子有什么样的预期

Trying to get respectful behavior out of a 2-year-old is like trying to get blood from the proverbial stone. That's due, in part, to the fact that a 2-year-old's language skills are still developing. So when you tell him it's bedtime, he can't say, "Gee, I'm really having fun with my trucks, and I wonder if we could negotiate for five more minutes of playtime?" He's more likely to ignore you, stick out his tongue, or yell, "I hate you!" at the top of his lungs. This doesn't mean he's a lost cause – only that he's very young and still needs years of consistent teaching and practice to learn how to show respect.
想要让一个两岁多的孩子表现出尊重他人的行为，正如有句谚语说的，这就像没法从石头中挤出血来一样。讲真，这在一定程度上是因为两岁多孩子的语言能力不够完善，还在继续发展中。所以当孩子被告知该上床睡觉了，他可说不出这种话：“哎呀，我正玩卡车玩得开心呢，咱们能不能再商量下，多玩5分钟行吗?” 他更有可能无视你的话语，反倒伸出舌头做鬼脸，或者用尽力气大喊：“我恨你!” 这并不意味着孩子在尊重他人方面是个失败者——只是因为他还很年幼，还需要多年持之以恒的教导和练习，才能学会如何对他人表达尊重。

What you can do / 你能做什么

Demonstrate respectful behavior. "We don't generally give our children the kind of respect that we demand from them," says Jerry Wyckoff, a psychologist and the coauthor of Twenty Teachable Virtues. "We get confused because often, our upbringing makes us equate respect with fear. 'I really respected my father because I knew he'd hit me if ...' That's not respect – that's fear." Instead, begin by listening. It can be hard to wait patiently for a 2-year-old to have his say, but it's worth it. Get down on his level, look him in the eye, and let him know you're interested in what he's telling you. It's the best way to teach him to listen to you just as carefully.
展示尊重的行为。“大人通常没把自己要求从孩子那得到的那种尊重给孩子。”《20种可教的美德》一书的合著者，心理学家杰里·威克夫如是说，“我们会感到困惑，因为我们自己的成长环境常常让我们把尊重等同于恐惧。”，“我真的很尊敬我的父亲，因为我知道他会打我，如果我……”，“这不是尊重——而是恐惧。”。相反，尊重从倾听开始。耐心地等待一个两岁多的孩子说出自己的想法可能很辛苦，但这么做是值得的。你得蹲下来平视他的眼睛，让他知道你对他正在说的很感兴趣。这是教孩子认真听你说话的最好方法。

Teach polite responses.Your child can show caring and respect for others through good manners. As soon as he can communicate verbally, he can learn to say "please" and "thank you." Explain that you'd rather help him when he's polite to you, and that you don't like it when he orders you around. Again, being respectful yourself works better than lecturing. Say "please" and "thank you" regularly to your 2-year-old (and others), and he'll learn that the phrases are part of normal communication, both within your family and in public.
教导孩子如何礼貌回应。 孩子可以通过良好的举止表现出对他人的关心和尊重。只要他能说话了，他就能学会说“请”和“谢谢你”。你可以向孩子解释说，当他对你有礼貌的时候，你更愿意帮助他，而当他对你发号施令时，你就不喜欢帮他了。本文再次重申，大人自己身教如何尊重他人，比言传更有效。如果你自己经常对孩子(和其他人)说“请”和“谢谢你”，他就会知道这些话是日常交流的一部分，无论是在家，还是在公共场合，你都得这么做。

Avoid overreacting. If your child hits you or calls you a "doo-doo head," try not to get upset (after all, you know you're not a doo-doo head). A child who wants to provoke a reaction will endure almost any unpleasantness just to get a rise out of you. Instead, get face to face and say quietly but firmly, "We don't hit or talk that way in this family." Then show him how to get what he wants in a respectful manner: "When you want me to play with you, just ask me nicely. Say, 'Mommy, I want you to come read me a story right now.'"
避免反应过度。如果你的孩子打你，或者叫你“嘟嘟头”，你可别生气（毕竟你也知道你不是嘟嘟头）。一个想要引起大人有所反应的孩子，几乎会忍受他所有的不快，只是为了让你生气。相反，你应该面对面，平静而坚定地说，“我们家不打人，也不那样说话。” 然后教他如何以尊重他人的方式，得到他想要的：“当你想让我和你玩的时候，礼貌地问我，你得说，‘妈妈，我想让你现在就来给我读个故事。‘ ”

Expect disagreements. Life would be much easier if our kids always happily complied with our requests, but that's not human nature. Try to remember that when your child won't do your bidding, he isn't trying to be disrespectful – he just has a different opinion.
预期分歧的存在。如果孩子们总是快乐地服从大人的要求，那生活会容易得多，但人性不是那样的。试着提醒自己，当你的孩子不听你的命令时，他并不是试图不尊重你——他只是有不同的观点而已。

Teach him that he'll fare better if he can learn to stop expressing himself disrespectfully ("You never take me to the park, you bad mommy!") and instead learns to put a positive spin on his requests ("Can we please go to the park after the grocery store?"). As your child's verbal skills mature, he'll be able to come up with these polite requests himself; in the meantime, teach him by supplying him with examples.
教导他，如果他能学会停止无礼地表达自己（“你从来不带我去公园，你这个坏妈妈!”）而是学会在他的要求上加上积极的一面（“我们去过杂货店以后，可可以去公园吗?”），那么他会更好地实现自己的愿望。随着孩子语言能力的日渐成熟，他会学会如何通过礼貌用语来提出要求；与此同时，你要通过例子来教他。

Set limits. "One of the best ways to demonstrate respect is to be both kind and firm in your discipline," says Jane Nelsen, an education specialist and the coauthor of Positive Discipline for Preschoolers. "Being kind shows respect for your child, and being firm shows respect for what needs to be done." So if your 2-year-old throws a fit in the supermarket, and none of your coping tactics work, what do you do? "Kindly but firmly take him out to the car, and sit and read to yourself until he's done," advises Nelsen. Then you can say calmly, "Now you're ready to try again," and return to the store. Eventually, he'll learn that a temper tantrum doesn't change the fact that the food shopping has to get done.
设置限制。“展示尊重他人的最好方式之一，就是自律做到既和善又坚定。”教育专家、《学前儿童正面管教》(Positive discipline for prechoers)一书的合著者简•尼尔森(Jane Nelsen)如是说。“和善是对孩子展示尊重，坚定是对该做的事情表示尊重。” 所以，如果两岁多的孩子在超市大发脾气，而所有的应对方法都不管用，你该怎么办呢?”，尼尔森建议说：“和善但坚定地把他带出超市，在车里坐好，自己看书，直到他闹完了为止。”，然后你可以平静地说：“现在你准备好再试一次了。”，然后再一起回到超市继续购物。最终，他会明白，发脾气并不能改变在超市购买食物这个安排。

Praise respectful behavior. Reinforce your 2-year-old's impromptu displays of politeness as much as possible. But be specific. "The praise should describe the behavior in detail," Wyckoff emphasizes. "We tend to say, 'good girl,' 'good boy,' 'good job.'" Instead, say, "Thank you for saying please when you asked for a treat," or "Thank you for waiting your turn while the other kids got their ice cream." Be explicit, and your child will see that his efforts are worthwhile and appreciated.
赞美尊重的行为。尽可能正面强化两岁多孩子即兴表现出来的礼貌。但表扬一定要具体。“表扬应该详细地描述孩子的行为，”，威克夫强调。“我们一般喜欢说诸如“好女孩”、“好男孩”、“干得好”。但你可以换换说法，可以这样说：“谢谢你要吃的的时候对我说‘请’”，“或者“谢谢你在其他孩子拿冰淇淋时，等着轮到你。”，夸孩子要夸得明确而具体，孩子就会发现他的努力是值得的，是被赞赏的。

来源：https://www.babycenter.com/0_the-respectful-child-how-to-teach-respect_64686.bc

译者：吴和平
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