Singing Snowberg
Chapter Five
Arioso <2>
Chros©
A girl is walking on the road, when she passes the doorway we see her face, she’s Cyan. Sunder appears by the door, her gaze is fixing on the girl. Cyan seems very sad, sobbing. Surprisingly she can’t see us, walks straight through our body. On the corner of this little path, she picks something on the floor, that’s a mini monkey made of straw. There’re many different animal dolls hanged on her schoolbag, all made of straw. She looks back at our direction and suddenly she’s blurred into the background colours. The sound of her steps fades into the wind waves from the paddy field. Sunder walked out of the door, watching Cyan until her figure disappeared into the corner shadowed by the red brick houses. At the far side of the view, I see that wooden house by the hill.
“I’ve made every kind I could, maybe I’ll make a dog again.” She talked to herself. “You sympathise her!” I don’t know why I am shouting and, why? Why is she smiling so evilly?
No, no, no, not right! One of my memory is waking up. And “pop”, I’m back to La Plata.
Salix! Where are you? Salix? But he’s not here, and I can’t shout because my body is out of my control. I’m in a school, it was my junior high school. I’m in my school uniform, so I’m young again. What am I doing? I’m walking home after class, alone.
“Hope you find your home, bastard!” Is someone calling me? Yes I’m called. Why did he call me a bastard? It’s rude. My body keeps his mouth shut, oh… I was like this. Turn the corner, several girls are giggling, my body keeps a distance, and several minutes later I heard my younger sister talking, “please, please don’t hurt me.” She’s cornered at a corner of that wall opposite the lane where I’m walking. “I did nothing.” “Yeah you did nothing but you looked like a bitch.” Oh fuck! Go! Go and save her! I’m about to explode but this body just turns around and keeps walking. What’s wrong with me? What’s wrong with this body? Are you out of your mind?
I finally calm down when I see my mum, I want to tell her everything I just saw but okay I’ll let this body speak. “Mum, somebody called me bastard, what does bastard mean?” She turns off the computer screen and says, “it means,” her eye lashes are trembling inevitably, “it means that I didn’t give birth to you, that you don’t have my blood.” This is a news! “You have your father’s and another woman’s blood, not mine.” “Why?” “Because I’m infertile.” “What about Aliciasa?” “She has my blood, because I was cured.”
I know what’s going on in this body, because his heart rate is rising drastically; I also know what’s going on with his mind, because I feel his anger. He rushes out of the door thinking: That’s why you always cared about her more, why you never lied to me, why you always told me the cruel truth about love and hatred and why you never loved me. I run and run, run into the sky and crush into the garden of our house. There’re roses blooming in the morning sunshine. Aliciasa stands by the rose bush looking up at the sky.
This body speaks, “what are you doing here?” “Morning Cyano, I’m curing myself, you could join me.” She exposes her arms, there’re bruises. “Why didn’t you tell mum?” She shakes her head, “I don’t know, I just don’t, maybe I don’t want to worry them.” She looks up at my face, puckering up her brows because the morning sunshine is dazzling, “why didn’t you tell our parents?” “Oh… what?” “They gave you bad nicknames, very bad ones.” “They don’t have to know, I suppose.” “Yeah, I agree, they don’t have to know, they don’t have to know….” As if she’s trying to understand this phrase, she repeats it for several times, and takes a deep breath, this is her usual way of self-healing.
“Sometimes I wanted to die, do you think I have the courage?” She puts some smiles on. “I don’t know… sometimes I wanted to be invisible, or to be a mute, don’t have to be seen, don’t have to respond….” “ You know what, we’re strong people, nothing defeats us. We don’t even need help, don’t even expect it.” We knew what happened to each other, we might love each other.
“Only the strongest survive,” Sunder looks at that girl picking up a straw dog at the same place, “but the weak ones need a little help at the right time before they fall, only, just a little help would suffice.” She looks up at the sky, an orange sunset is on the show. “Take my hands, let’s go to the rooftop.”
网友评论