雅思大作文练笔001—改造好的犯人是给青少年宣讲犯罪危害的最佳人

雅思大作文练笔001—改造好的犯人是给青少年宣讲犯罪危害的最佳人选吗？(2018年7月28日真题）

一、审题

首先让我们来看看英文真题的原题：

Some people who have been in prison become good citizens later, and it is often argued that these are the best people to talk to teenagers about the dangers of committing a crime. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

从题目中可以看出，这是一道预防犯罪类的社会文化大范围的观点型题目。题目要求作者就改造好的犯人是否是最佳宣讲犯罪危害的人选做出赞同或反对的判断。作者可选择的思路有完全赞成、完全反对的一边倒或部分赞成或反对的平衡式写法。在这里，我想选择的立场是完全赞同，我的主要理由是：一、完全改造好的犯人现身说法很有说服力；二、青少年的逆反心理造成家、校和社会的正面疏导收效不够显著。以下尝试一下全文的撰写供各位有兴趣的学友参考。

二、撰写

Crime preventing and fighting is a core issue for social order and security, so the question who are the best people to impart to youngsters the dangers of commiting crime become a hot topic. Different people have different views, while in my opinion, the best people are those former convicts who turned into good citizens after successful reformation in prison.

First, leading by opposite example is very effective to convey the message of crime harms. Teenagers are usually very curious about what happened around them, and they cannot properly distinguish right from wrong, as a result, they may follow the bad example of some evil adults to bully other people, take drugs or swindle other people of their property and wealth and pathetically end themself up in jail. While those former criminals are just like their dark side in terms of curiosity and ignorance, so there might be more resonance between them. When the teenagers found the great damage the illegal and ruthless deeds conducted by the former criminals who have been well reformed, they would be more likely to connect with the story and realize the importance to keep the criminal acts at a bay.

Second, positive instruction have very limited effect in driving home the crime preventing message because teenagers are usually very rebellious at their current age period according to world’s well known phychologists. There are infinite instructions and stories about being an honest and law abiding citizens yet the rate of teenager delinquency remains high. From this awkward situation we can see that traditional law and order education is not so effective for young people and new and alternative way to enlighten the kids is called for by the society. In my view, using former prisoners who have turned into nice citizens can work very well in this respect.

To sum up, former prisoners who have been transformed into good behavior citizen are the best people to talk to the teenagers about the dangers of crime commiting and help young people to stick to the path of obeying the law and devoting themselves to the positive construction of a peaceful and prosperous society.

三、订正与修改

和中文写作一样，写作中的错漏再所难免。本着对自己和读者负责的原则，订正与修改的步骤不可或缺。具体做法就是通读一下全文，看看有哪些不通顺的地方，如有就及时对它们进行修正和完善，避免让自己的作文因疏忽大意而不必要地失分。

四、总结与反思

完成一篇雅思大作文练笔后并不是练笔的结束。针对这篇文字与其他朋友写的同类题材的作文进行对比对照，学习借鉴他人好的素材、思路和语言表达再对自己的作文进行进一步的调整、改造和修正能够让自己的英文写作变得更优秀。在这里，若水想为大家友情推荐两个我个人特别推崇的雅思范文写作讲解的微信公众号：一个是学院派雅思写作达人广外云山学者唐伟胜老师的《唐老雅英文写作工作室》；另一个是青春靓丽而又活泼可爱的广外资深雅思写作导师Icy老师的《Icy的英文框架写作小乐园》。

这里想要提醒大家的是在借鉴他人雅思范文的时候一定要以我为主，不要盲目抄袭和照搬，要发挥自己的主观能动性和想象力，只有这样才可能可持续发展而不是像一个复印机、录音机很快被他人厌倦也让自己倦怠并失去持续学习的兴趣和动力。

总之，模仿他人一定要在自己先做完思考和操练之后，这样做才有可能避免他人先入为主，影响自己的思路和发挥，造成自己英文写作的障碍和引发对英文写作的无力感和挫败感。针对这部分内容，我晚点再回来做一个示范供大家参考哈。

由于时间仓促，本文中一定有许多讲得不到位的地方还请大家多多指教。好了，各位学友，今天的雅思大作文练笔分享就到此为止，我们下一期分享再会啦。

备注：本文范文学习评改思路和评改稿已在下一篇文章中发表，有兴趣的学友欢迎移步下文与我进一步交流和沟通。