有声学习: 四步骤表达愤怒 - Four Steps to Ex

本文是笔者对《Nonviolent Communication》(非暴力沟通）原版阅读的学习笔记.

非暴力沟通推荐，用以下四步骤法，来表达愤怒：

1. Stop. Breathe. 停下来，深呼吸

    >to Stop and do nothing except to breathe

    >停止做任何事情，可以深呼吸。

2. Identify our judgmental thoughts. 识别我们评判性的想法。

    >Identify the thoughts that are making us angry

    >识别出是什么想法让我们愤怒。

3.Connect with our needs.连接我们的需求

>Connect to the needs behind those thoughts.

>把这些想法背后的需求找出来。

4.Express our feelings and unmet needs.表达我们的感受和未被满足的需求

>Open our mouth and speak the anger connected feelings and needs. 

>张开嘴巴，说出和我们的愤怒相关的感受和需求。

赏析Four Steps to Expressing Anger原文，双语对照，译文来自笔者自译：

Let's look at what the process of fully expressing our anger actually requires in concrete form. The first step is to stop and do nothing except to breathe. We refrain from making any move to blame or punish the other person. We simply stay quiet.

我们来看看，完整地表达我们的愤怒的过程，需要一种怎样的具体形式。第一步，停下来，除了呼吸，什么都别做。我们避免采取任何行动去责备或惩罚他人。我们只是保持安静。

Then we identify the thoughts that are making us angry. For example, we overhear a statement that leads us to believe that we've been excluded from a conversation because of race. We sense anger, stop, and recognize the thoughts stirring in our head:"It's unfair to act like that. She's being racist."

然后（第二步），我们得找出那些让我们生气的想法。例如，我们无意中听到某些人的某些对话，这让我们认为，我们由于自己的种族原因被排斥了。我们感觉到了愤怒，先停下来，意识到我们脑海中正在上下翻腾的想法:“这太不公平了！她这是种族歧视！”

We know that all judgments like these are tragic expressions of unmet needs, so we take the next step and connect to the needs behind those thoughts. If we judge someone to be racist, the need may be for inclusion, equality, respect, or connection.

我们知道，类似上面这种评判性的想法，是我们自身需求未得到满足之后，产生的一种悲剧性的表达方式。因此，我们（应该）采取下一步行动，将这些想法，和背后隐藏的自身需求连接起来。如果我们评判一个人是种族主义者，这反映了我们自身的需求是：包容、平等、尊重、连接。(译者：这里阐述的是第三步)

To fully express ourselves, we now open our mouth and speak the anger - but the anger has been transformed into needs and need-connected feelings. To articulate these feelings may require a lot of courage. For me it's easy to get angry and tell people, "That was a racist thing to do!" In fact, I may even enjoy saying such things, but to get down to the deeper feelings and needs behind such a statement may be very frightening. To fully express our anger, we may say to the other person, "When you entered the room and started talking to the others and didn't say anything to me, and then made the comment about white people, I felt really sick to my stomach, and got so scared; it triggered off all kinds of needs on my part to be treated equally. I'd like you to tell me how you feel when I tell you this."

为了充分表达自己（在做好以上三步之后），我们现在可以张开嘴，说出愤怒了——但愤怒已经转化为需求，以及与需求相关的感受。表达这些感受需要很大的勇气。对我来说，生气然后告诉别人，“你们这是种族岐视!”是很容易的事。 事实上，我甚至可能喜欢如此气呼呼地表达。但是，换一种表达方式，从而深入到这种气呼呼的说法背后更深层次的感受和需求，可能是非常令人震撼的。为了充分表达我们的愤怒，我们可以对另一个人说：“当你走进房间，开始和其他人交谈，什么也没对我说，然后开始议论白人时，我感到我的胃非常不舒服，感到非常害怕，这件事，已经激起了我对自己应该受到平等待遇的诉求。我想请你告诉我，当你听到我说这些，你的感觉怎么样？”(译者：这里阐述的是第四步实战举例)

有声学习: 四步骤表达愤怒 - Four Steps to Expressing Anger 有声学习: 四步骤表达愤怒 - Four Steps to Expressing Anger 有声学习: 四步骤表达愤怒 - Four Steps to Expressing Anger 有声学习: 四步骤表达愤怒 - Four Steps to Expressing Anger 有声学习: 四步骤表达愤怒 - Four Steps to Expressing Anger 有声学习: 四步骤表达愤怒 - Four Steps to Expressing Anger