Singing Snowberg
Chapter Five
Arioso <7>
Chros©
“When will he come?” “The same day I leave.” He really doesn’t want to be at the same place with him. “Where will you live, then? Do you need money? Two days later I’ll get my first income.”
It costs ten thousands for a trip back, but the boat to Southpole only costs one thousand Argentinian pesos because Southpole gives ferry companies huge amount of subsidies to attract people coming here. I transferred ten thousand Credits to him, he shall live well in Ushuaia. I imagined the time he’ll leave is when the polar night will be staying with this land, Ushuaia is a little bit better, at least there will be some daylight to see. It’s his decision to leave, in the case meddling with me, going to the nearest place other than Southpole is a more acceptable option. He’s as weak as me, I have no right to judge, we’re the same species. What’ll happen to our relationship?
I guess he expects me to say, “please don’t go. What if this disease lasts till you go? What if I’ll get into the dangerous situation like today? Who’ll save me?” I guess he’ll say, “then come with me.”
Sadly the instalments can’t be cleared beforehand, they want to tie us here. I was wrong about this place, not a fairyland, but a fenced jungle. Who live better depends on how much they earn.
He’ll be back, he promised. I’m cleaver enough knowing that promises could be broken, but I won’t judge our relationship or to spend huge amounts of time with those useless thoughts. Things happened, we react according to our own judgments, we’re creatures with thoughts, that’s all.
I tried to not to think about it these days, yeah when I’m telling you these he’s gone with an effortless goodbye as if he finally relieved to see me accepting the truth, or just relieved that he won’t be seeing him, his past, but sometimes the mechanism works, tirelessly. How to say... that I’m feeling everything but they’re all faked memories, that all these is an epic dream. I kept wondering which time point was the dividing one that keeps reality from dream. On the boat to here? Wake up and find Southpole is indeed a great place to live the rest of my life, Rosa and I will see the sunshine and polar light not worrying anything about how to survive. Under the shower head? Wake up from admiring Devo’s beautiful torso and face, then find out he admires mine too. We make love under the drops of warm water, I fuck him and he fucks me both are perfect and we’ll do it every day, in his good room in my favourite melody. He’ll take me watching a movie every weekend and walk back under the star light. With a complaint letter in my hands? Wake up from the hot subtropical stare of Salix and find out he’s my own species, we meet at my cell every day in the evening, stealthily warming each other under the artificial sunlight. We talk about our dreams, drink beer, smoke and massage and hike and, make love. But I just waked up, just, waked, up, finding myself here wondering these days the things that happened, like years have just passed in the blink of an eye.
I’d rather drop them in the deepest of my head, but they’re alive, with lives. Only dreams don’t have a lifespan, or call it expiry date, no fuss arranging which happened before which, after all I was told, walk and see. So I close my eyes again in this dark afternoon, more possibilities are waiting for me.
“Cyano wait, I have few words.” Sunder shouted. No, I’m not going to listen to her, “what do you want? This is my place I go wherever I want.” “I just wanted to help you.” For what? “Then tell me where did he go?” I meant Salix, he disappeared in my dream yesterday after the real Salix left. “You can’t control him, just like I can’t control you.” Her voice sounds desperate. I tear open the illusion briskly, “then don’t bother.”
I’m in my room again, I’m not sure which day is this, it could be a Sunday, anyway I’m happy to see Salix, he’s lying half naked with his arms behind his head, broad smile. “You’ll catch the cold.” “Stay with me, before I go.”
If this is what he said before he told me about his plans I would think he’s nuts again, but he’s not. Things change so easily and within a short amount of time you’ll find something bizarre before quite plausible.
“Then what we do?” “For me, look at you, try to remember.” Yeah try to remember before it becomes a part of the past, which is a shame to look back. Is he thinking like me? He presses the button on the player, a song I never heard of. “I bought some music songs for you, then you’ll be good.” He’s still looking at me.
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