Singing Snowberg
Chapter Five
Arioso <3>
Chros©
The sky is orange in colour, barbed wires all around the rooftop, there’s a playground down there, out of the gate is the forest on the mountains, we’re in the madhouse.
Sunder is reading her red notebook, “…the God had died, we need to save ourselves….” And she lets go of the book and covers her face, this is the first time I’ve ever seen her crying. Salix picks up her notebook, but there’re nothing inside. We all need some help, maybe she’s a weak one, so where did she get the help? And what I did to help Aliciasa? I did nothing? What of Rosa? How did I become a coward?
“It’s okay, Cyano, the past is the past.” But how could I forget them? How could I go on living in numbness if we just have realised the cross on my back is heavy as hell? “Coward isn’t your fault, it’s in your personality you have to admit it.” So, there’s a voice always finding excuses for my incompetence? “Cyano, don’t go, please don’t go”….
This is a long dream, I’m feeling exhausted. Where’s Salix? Oh here. The clock shows a quarter to 7 o’clock, in the morning. We need to get up, but this body is heavy as a mountain, I need to get up whatever wrong with my body.
“Hey, what’s up? Are you okay? Oh my you cried! Nightmare again? No? Then why? Do you want a talk? Look, we only have half an hour, are you sure you don’t want to me? I’m going... then what? I’m worried, I’ll stay. You need to go to the hospital. Hospital no? Okay okay whatever you want....”
He stayed until a quarter past seven, the sun should be out in La Plata. I don’t miss home but I can’t remain in bed thinking anything. Ten percent off my salary, stop, stop. Ten minutes later Salix came back with breakfast and Lazy in his arms, this is like birthday surprise for me.
“Keep resting Cyano, I’ll be back at noon. Love you.”
Love you? Love me? Cyano stop fooling yourself and eat your breakfast! Okay, Lazy do you want an Italian sausage? Lazy grovels under the hottest spot in his usual dormant state, aburrido. How long will I wait? Four and a half! I open his book but the characters seem miles away. Aburrido, aburrido, how about jerking off… it’s hard to get hard, I hate this body. Lazy’s purring loudly since there’re no an other sounds except the air conditioner. The little window is black, no light comes in. I wish someone would knock at my door, how about Salix delivering my another complaint letter? Devo? Would he give me a little plant as a gift? Shut up it’s expensive. A Chinese jade? Impossible. We were happy in the frost forest, he… he was really nice to me….
My mother’s face shows as the first scene of this dream. “Cyano, if you have a choice, would you like to live for life or live for love?” “I live for life.” She turns on the computer screen, keeping on her work. The world outside is summertime, I really want a walk, but this body refuses. When I about to leave, mum said, “you should live for love.” “Why?” She shakes her head, “I think you should, that’s all.”
Living for life makes life happier and easier, this me doesn’t know at this time. No friends, don’t even know who’s his biological mother, he definitely want a shelter to keep himself safe, that’s all he need.
Aliciasa is reading under the shadow in the garden, there’s a big tree, I never knew what species it belongs. “Alice what are you reading,” I shout from the window. “Silvestre.” “Are you happy?” I don’t know why this question. “Yes, I am,” she raises her head, brows clutching, “I picked this book in the library, not from the shelf, someone left it on the table.” “You always doing the same thing. How about last time?” “Cien años de soledad. I didn’t quite understand but I finished it anyway.” “Maybe you should read it twice?” Her eyebrows unfold and wrinkles on her forehead, “Nah, the timeline in that novel is tricky, I don’t need to understand too much. I love mystery.” “Yeah, tricky.”
In case my mum hears our conversation I walk into the sunshine and sit beside her. “You live for love or life?” She puts down her book and looks at the tree canopy, “I… I have no idea. What about you?” She seldom doesn’t have a clue about anything. “I live for life.” “You were lying. You asked that question with love put first, that means you prefer love.” “Hum… you really have no idea?” “We live for both don’t we? Anyway, since when you became a philosopher?” “Shut up. I’m just curious.” “What? How dare you. Taste my water bomb!” “No! Taste mine!” We’re playing water splash in the garden.
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