Singing Snowberg
Chapter Four
Backlashes <10>
Chros©
From the woods a blue creature jumps out. “Do you see it?” “Yes of course. What’s that?” Salix can see it, it means it’s real. “The Bluenised deer!” She sails to the mountain just few feet ahead of us, we catch the speed for a closer look. But suddenly she stops and looks back at us, we knew she would run if we get any closer. “Sit down Salix. Oh here she comes!” I try to lower my voice, “touch her, slowly. How do you feel?” His eyes are melancholically staring at that of hers, why he’s like this, he should be happy to touch a new species, and how could he get any other feelings from her, especially sorrow, but he did somehow, that emotion is covering him into an impenetrable mist. The deer can’t speak, but how she did it? I think: this world is different in every creature’s eyes, I couldn’t possibly see the whole of what he sees. But, “tell me how you feel.”
“I saw my life in another… in a different way I couldn’t experience in this life. In that life I will marry another man, we’re… we’d been happy like I’ll never have something in this life, I was a teacher, and I… WE are going everywhere together, we’ll be rich….” This is dangerous, he withdraws his hand, “this isn’t possible, impossible.”
But when I want a try, she turns back and jumps away. I need to catch her, I want to see. Salix takes my hand and says, “I don’t want that happiness and money.” He doesn’t look right, the magic is too strong. “Let’s get out of here.” I managed to feel his forehead, it’s hot.
In the station we ate something and now heading back. “I’m not sick, I feel perfect, don’t worry.” “You should put Lazy into the backpack.” Whoa, this is my most sober day in Southpole.
The fact is: he caught a fever. I hope he’ll get better the day after tomorrow, because asking a day’s leave takes a loss of 10 percent of a month’s salary. He needs company, but he doesn’t want to learn Gobang nor to play any other games. “Read me the El amor en los tiempos del cólera.” I’d love to read for him but he fell into the sleep 10 minutes after.
Smelling the scent behind his neck so closely, I start to remember many things, they come to me like new memories. Even some of them are not good things, I still feel good, clear. The past is the past, though they might affect me in many ways, to remember or not are not important, not important than the scent I’m smelling, not even important than every fraction of his scent. The past is for us to see and learn from, even they could be new. What happened had walked past us, and there’re many days to come. Salix might forget his past, but he has to believe this is really happening in the right-now, he’s stronger than me, that I’ll figure it out very soon.
“Cyano. Let’s see my past, I have some beautiful days for you.” “But I prefer Uyuni, how about we take a fly?” “It’s important for you to understand me better.” The scene of Uyuni is too beautiful to tear apart, and the scent of Salix is drifting in the air, but this is just a dream. “Okay, let me try.” This time it’s a lot easier, like sliding open a window.
Sunder is running on a grassland, she turns back and says, “catch me!” So I start running. She is fast as an antelope born from the plain, she has to stop waiting for me but never let me get anywhere closer to her than ten feet. She’s laughing, “I am free as a bird. Look, everything is a miracle!” I don’t get her point, “what do you mean? Everyone is free indeed.”
She doesn’t answer questions. I follow her into a dense forest, every beams of light is green. “Look at the light, who can create them?” She’s talking nonsense. Then we rush into another grassland, I don’t feel tired in my dreams, no… her memories. This is getting funnier, we’re travelling, into a deep valley with old riverbed filled with cobbles of the colour of grey and yellow, few hours later we leave the valley and there’s a snow mountain, at the peak where the snow is falling heavily she said the snow is a miracle of nature, then the humid swamp and the sea and the desert. There’s a colourful paddy field in the desert, “let’s dance!” She starts to revolve her body when the thunderstorm arrives. Under the thunder she yells, “you can’t hurt me!” Yes, these are all fantasies, why don’t just splash! Straws are flying in the sky and suddenly we’re dancing in the starry sky, seconds later on the vast Jupiter planet, in the fire she becomes a gigantic rose, still spinning. She’s not herself anymore, and I… I’m not myself but a dancing blue deer, I don’t have wings but I can fly, fly, flying up, rush across dimensions of those impossible scenes, they flashing in front of me and dragged behind with an unbelievable strong force. Since when this became my fantasies but not hers? These are randomly combined fragments of imagination, mingled with our past, so I just saw Rosa dancing underwater with those whales, my parents kissing and making love, Salix listening to a Chinese melody, Devo and I waving flags of Southpole, my mum dying, me dancing in the warehouse….
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