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继上次翻译之后,今天的翻译内容是新概念Ⅲ第十六课。老规矩:本文打算先列出我的译文,然后给出书中译文,然后根据对比点明这次翻译的收获和教训,最后再列出英文原文,以方便有志之人自己翻译学习。
我的译文:
玛丽与丈夫迪米特里住在希腊南部一个叫波拉科拉的小村庄。玛丽最宝贵的财产之一就是丈夫送给她的一只白色羔羊。白天她把它绑在田里的树上,然后每晚去把它领回家。可是有一天晚上,那只小羔羊不见了。绳子被割断了,很显然,小羊被人偷走了。
当迪米特里耕作归来,玛丽告诉他发生了什么事。迪米特里便立刻出发去寻找偷羊贼。他知道,在这么小的村庄里抓住小偷并非难事。把失窃这件事告诉他的几个朋友后,迪米特里了解到他的邻居阿列科突然有了一只新羔羊。迪米特里立刻赶到阿列科家,气冲冲地指责他偷了那只羔羊。他告诉阿列科最好把羊还回来,否则就要报警了。阿列科否认偷羊一事,并带着迪米特里进了他的后院。他的确刚刚买了一只羔羊,阿列科解释到,但他的羔羊是黑色的。带着对自己的冲动的羞愧,迪米特里给阿列科道了歉,说不该错误地指责他。当他们仍在说话的时候,下起了雨,迪米特里便在阿列科家里一直呆到雨停。半小时后,当他走出房门,他惊讶地发现小黑羊几乎全身都变成白色了。原来它羊毛上的黑色染料,都被大雨给洗掉了!
书中参考译文:
玛丽与丈夫迪米特里住在希腊南部一个叫波拉考拉的小村庄里。玛丽最珍贵的财产之一就是丈夫送给她的一只白色小羔羊。白天,玛丽把羔羊拴在地里的一颗树上,每天晚上把它牵回家。可是,一天晚上,那只小羔羊失踪了。绳子被人割断,很明显小羔羊是被人偷走了。
迪米特里从地里回来,妻子把情况跟他一说,他马上出去找偷羔羊的人。他知道在这样一个小村庄里抓住小偷并不困难。把失窃的事告诉几个朋友后,迪米特里发出他的邻居阿列科家突然多了一只小羔羊。迪米特里立刻去了阿列科家,气呼呼地指责他偷了羔羊,告诉他最好把羊交还,否则就去叫警察。阿列科不承认,并把迪米特里领进院子。不错,他的确刚买了一只羔羊,阿列科解释说,但他的羔羊是黑色的。迪米特里为自己的鲁莽而感到不好意思,向阿列科道了歉,说是错怪了他。就在他俩说话的时候,天下起了雨,迪米特里便呆在阿列科家里避雨,一直等到雨停为止。半小时后,当他从屋里出来时,他惊奇地发现小黑羔羊全身几乎都变成白色。原来羊毛上染的黑色被雨水冲掉了!
思考:
在此,我将两译文有较大差异之处列出,分析其出入原因,得到一些关于翻译表达的反思。
差距1
我:当迪米特里耕作归来,玛丽告诉他发生了什么事。迪米特里便立刻出发去寻找偷羊贼。
书:迪米特里从地里回来,妻子把情况跟他一说,他马上出去找偷羔羊的人。
分析:
从全文的角度,的确可以在明确主语的关系之后,适当用代词替换名词。这样的好处不仅在于使行文变得简洁,而且让文章很流畅。
差距2
我:阿列科否认偷羊一事,并带着迪米特里进了他的后院。
书:阿列科不承认,并把迪米特里领进院子。
分析:
这句翻译也体现了正确省略的效果。原文中的表达是“否认拿了它”,但是这么表达在中文看来又很生涩。如果直接译成“不承认”,就很简明,而且意思明晰。
差距3
我:带着对自己的冲动的羞愧,迪米特里给阿列科道了歉,说不该错误地指责他。
书:迪米特里为自己的鲁莽而感到不好意思,向阿列科道了歉,说是错怪了他。
分析:
1之所以翻译成“带着对自己的冲动的羞愧,”,是为了体现出原文状语的意思,而并非在把这一状态表达成动作。
2后半句原文的表达是“迪米特里因为错误地指责了他而向阿列科道歉”。这样翻译肯定不妥当,动词前面累赘太多。文中翻译更胜一筹,“错怪了他”就是“错误地指责他”的精简版。
结论:
从本文中能感受到文章简洁之美。为了做到这一点,要在能说清意思的情况下,使用代词,减少名词重复。并且在翻译的过程中,看看目标文本能不能用更简洁的方法表达出同意。
最后附本文原文:
Mary and her husband Dimitri lived in the tiny village of Perachora in southern Greece. One of Mary's prize possessions was a little white lamb which her husband had given her. She kept it tied to a tree in a field during the day and went to fetch it every evening. One evening, however, the lamb was missing. The rope had been cut, so it was obvious that the lamb had been stolen.
When Dimitri came in from the fields, his wife told him what had happened. Dimitri at once set out to find the thief. He knew it would not prove difficult in such a small village. After telling several of his friends about the theft, Dimitri found out that his neighbour, Aleko, had suddenly acquired a new lamb. Dimitri immediately went to Aleko's house and angrily accused him of stealing the lamb. He told him he had better return it or he would call the police. Aleko denied taking it and led Dimitri into his backyard. It was true that he had just bought a lamb, he explained, but his lamb was black. Ashamed of having acted so rashly, Dimitri apologized to Aleko for having accused him. While they were talking it began to rain and Dimitri stayed in Aleko's house until the rain stopped. When he went outside half an hour later, he was astonished to find the little black lamb was almost white. Its wool, which had been dyed black, had been washed clean by the rain!
末尾注:希望大家能够从本文中得到启发,利用此法锻炼英语能力。本文翻译素材来自于新概念第三册,最后英文原文由本人亲自输入。该篇文章属本人原创,属于原书中部分已经注明。
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