我记起胡萝卜

【美】艾达·利蒙     陈子弘 译

我并未放弃要过美好的生活，
就是真正的好生活，坐在肯塔基的
厨房里，想象我将会是多么惬意
扬眉吐气，而且志得意满——
所有需求都得到满足，然后又重新不满足。
在我小时候，玩起胡萝卜来也很是高兴，
在花园那里它们顶端长满霓虹灯一样的纹路。
于是我把它们都连根拔起。我弄断了新根
当作战利品屁颠屁颠搬到了我父亲那里，
他理所当然骂了我，说他的收成都毁了。
而我喜欢它们：它们是我鲜亮的死物。
我三十五岁了，记得我做过的全部错事。
昨天我感觉愉快，但其实我对在地头的
满足感心怀厌恶。我们为什么必须练习
这种顺从？我想说的是：过些日子
我还是想拔掉胡萝卜，因为我可以。

I REMEMBER THE CARROTS

I haven’t given up on trying to live a good life,
a really good one even, sitting in the kitchen
in Kentucky, imagining how agreeable I’ll be—
the advance of fulfillment, and of desire—
all these needs met, then unmet again.
When I was a kid, I was excited about carrots,
their spidery neon tops in the garden’s plot.
And so I ripped them all out. I broke the new roots
and carried them, like a prize, to my father
who scolded me, rightly, for killing his whole crop.
I loved them: my own bright dead things.
I’m thirty-five and remember all that I’ve done wrong.
Yesterday I was nice, but in truth I resented
the contentment of the field. Why must we practice
this surrender? What I mean is: there are days
I still want to kill the carrots because I can.

ADA LIMÓN